My husband asks first, and I am very grateful to him for respecting my space. He knows that my sister used to steal from me and my father used to rifle through my purse looking for contraband; though I never had any, it was a tremendous violation. I’m not talking about when I was 12; I’m talking about when I was 25. I learned very early to carry my purse with me from room to room in the house, even into the bathroom.
It is a great relief to be able to trust my husband and he doesn’t abuse it. If he wants to borrow my nail clippers or a $20 or if I need migraine medication, he asks me if it’s in my bag before he goes in to get it. He is THE MAN.
I have no problem with people looking in my purse. I’m not letting a stranger touch it simply because I’m afraid they’ll steal what little I have. I have nothing to be embarrassed by though.
If my Mig needs money I wish he’d tell me when he takes it but sometimes he doesn’t. That’s annoying. But it’s really his money in the first place so it’s not like I have a right to complain.
I’m another one who like Sigmagirl had my privacy violated over and over until I hardly understood what privacy was. I am OK with my SO going through it but generally I will fish out whatever he needs anyway - I have a tiny purse but he can’t seem to fathom where anything is.
Yeah…it’s definitely a taboo, like you say. Not a matter of hiding anything. It’s just a personal thing. I’m not sure why, but it just is. Going through someone’s bag feels wrong, you know?
I chose yes, but only close friends and family. Maybe I’d other people too, but for both groups, there would have to be a good reason.
My mom frequently asks me to get things out of her purse, usually when she was driving, so I it’s not an automatic no-no to me, but I agree that there is a general taboo against looking in other people’s purses, and I’m glad. You should never do that unless you know it’s specifically okay with the person or you have a DAMN good reason, like Lynn’s glucose example.
I will give permission if can’t get to my purse (taking a bath or whatever), but if someone went in my purse without my permission, that’s a major privacy violation.
I wonder how much of the responses line up with our mothers? It seems like the women whose mom’s purses were off-limits have the same attitude, and vice-versa.
I have no idea if my mother had this idea or not, but I was raised to not rifle through my mother’s purse – and it all made sense after a visit to the pediatrician when one of my children was small. The doc recommended that I make it a rule that the child was NEVER to get into any purse, starting with my own … on the theory that some women might be carrying unsecured medication in their purses. A child trained that a purse is off-limits will be less likely to pilfer a potentially dangerous pill.
I think men are guyshy about purses because, as teens, it would have been HORRIBLE to see a girl’s tampon. So embarrassing! So they take that taboo feeling into adulthood.
As long as it’s someone I trust with my credit card numbers, I don’t have a problem with it. My purse is small and practical. I don’t really use it for personal space. My husband will only open it tentatively with encouragement after 10 years of marriage, though. There’s really not much in there that’s different from what he has in his wallet, it’s just arranged differently.
I had to vote ‘other’, because I do have things in there that might be tempting, or just embarassing, but…so what? It’s doubtful anyone I am seriously doubtful about is going to get the go-ahead to get into it anyway.
On the flip side, I’m intensely respectful of privacy to the point I won’t go into someone else’s, myself. Won’t even look if someone is opening their wallet.
I’ve been known to occasionally be rummaging in my purse, looking for something and cursing up a storm, and ask a friend or relative to see if she can find it (preferably without emptying the handbag all over the place). I’ve also performed the same service for friends and relatives. There’s also related services along the lines of “the baby needs changing… do you mind bringing me a clean nappy? It’s in my handbag.”
But the notion of going through someone else’s purse or of someone else going through mine without permission is something I find pretty revolting. It’s something which should only be done with explicit permission.
