I’d suspect most people get uncomfortable when someone comes on to them. IMO, relationships are something you develop first by meeting someone, then you gravitate towards each other over time. Someone coming onto you just for sex or because they are so delusional that they think they are going to find their spouse right there does not feel like a safe situation to me. Especially with the advent of online dating or hookups, it’s very easy now to just go find people who are actively looking for a partner, if you must go the stranger route rather than dating inside your social circle.
No, but I imagine a fair number of Judas Priest fans have, while doodling on the back of a spiral notebook instead of paying attention in their 4th period remedial English class.
There are two factors in my life that lead me to believe that I am relatively safe. First of all, I am a Black Belt in the little known martial arts discipline of Krav Maga, which I got the opportunity to learn through a unique set of circumstances. Secondly, I employ a plethora of safe behavior practices that are designed to maximize personal safety and reduce risk.
There are no guarantees in life, but people can tilt the odds in their favor by employing safe practices.
I will talk to anyone anywhere about anything, and I take the buses a lot. I don’t mind at all if somebody, anybody starts a conversation with me, and often initiate such interactions. Just end it at the stop, don’t get off the bus with me and assume anything is going to develop.
And when I say “Leave me alone” do so.
ETA: I once joined a conversation between a passenger and the bus driver who were talking about early rock singers. I mentioned I once had a great conversation with Rudy Isley of Isley Brothers fame about their touring with the Beatles right before the latter hit it big time. Turns out the passenger was an Isley grandson.
I was wondering if you were at a Christian college (JcWoman?) or if he was otherwise giving off a Xian vibe that would make him sensitive to that.
Guy here but I am first unsure on what is a clear social vs non-social circumstance. And what constitutes being chatted up.
No doubt attractive people, especially young adult attractive people, of both genders, are approached more in public places, and of course sometimes by those attracted to them and hoping to establish some connection that might lead to something and what that something is may have a fair amount of mileage may vary. And gender norms still being what they are men are more often the approachers than the approached. Of course also by people who are just friendly.
Body language usually communicates that someone is someone who is really a stay away person. Or who is stay or get away for you at least. A leave me alone should not be required but if the approacher is clueless is in the quiver. Someone not respecting that is clearly out of bounds.
I’ve not been single for long *long *time but when I was meeting people at clubs or parties or bars was really not a great scene. I met people striking up conversations in the laundromat or while studying in the coffeeshop. Not to have sex in the near future (depending on your definition of near future) but just as possible dates/romantic interests. Having been a shy and a bit of an insecure guy sometimes a woman had initiated those casual conversations that developed into an exploration of romance …
You are not supposed to approach romantically at work, for good reason … is it your concept that approaching people as possible romantic leads should only occur at clubs, bars, parties, and by way of apps? Meeting people otherwise is verboten?
IMO, first, people should only be approached in situations where such an approach is welcome. Most people taking the bus or eating food just want to ride the bus and eat their food. They may be cool with just having a chat(although in the smartphone era a lot of people really don’t want that either anymore), but pretty much no one is sitting there waiting for someone to try to get into their pants. Now if you ride the bus with the same person for awhile, then a rapport might be struck up, and developed over time, but most of these fools on mass transit are seeing a girl for the first time, and want to get lucky ASAP.
Second, approaching romantically at work is absolutely fine unless a workplace strictly forbids it or it’s inappropriate due to it being your boss. Just so long as you aren’t approaching a person romantically the first time you meet them. If you work together, you can get to know each other first.
My reason for bringing that up was not to justify the perpetuation of gender roles, but to explain why they evolved in the first place. And to point out what should already be obvious, that evolved characterisltics over thousands of years are not that easy to change overnight by people who say “I want them to be different, to suit the purposed of me and my social peeers”.
Think of it like language. English is a horribly defective and inefficient language, with is scatter-shot orthography and irregular verbs and homonyhms and arbitrary alphabet. We’d all be better off if we created a new language that works better. But it’s the language that we all grew up with, and it is the must sensible and useful language for everyday application, because everybody else already speaks and understands it, and it is an intergenerational link to the knowledge and wisdom of past cultures, which, although it may not be apparent to you, is quite a significant body of behavioral patterns which have worked amazingly well down through the ages…
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So no answer to my question: “is it your concept that approaching people as possible romantic leads should only occur at clubs, bars, parties, and by way of apps? Meeting people otherwise is verboten?” Well work is okay with you too.
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I do not presume as you do that people in public all are adverse to social contact with other people and would find social contact as unwelcome. I do presume that that body language usually signals those who do want no contact and certain responses to a small talk starter also make it clear too. My wife and MIL are talkers with strangers of all genders all the time. When they chat strangers up it usually seems welcome. I don’t chat much myself.
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Your op was asking about people chatting and testing your presumption that such means wanting to immediately get into someone’s pants. Lots of social contact and levels of interest other than jumping bones, including preamble to maybe a coffee in a public place.