Every time I think I’ve overcome my “complex”, I go into the dating world thinking I’m the Sh*t, that only lasts for so long. Eventually the rejection gets to me, and I get down again.
FTR, I also have thinning hair, but that really doesn’t bother me nearly as much as the height thing is concerned.
Eh. Do you know anyone who is a perfect catch? And of the people you know who do have everything going for them, how many are in picture perfect relationships?
We all have things that make us more or less attractive. And having it all is no guarantee that you are going to find another great catch. Nobody has it easy in dating.
Sometimes things can work for you in different ways. For example, I read a study that men with thinning hair tend to marry earlier. The theory is that they start feeling less comfortable in clubs and places where single people hang out, as they feel like they stick out. So the balding guys are snatching up all the marriage minded ladies, while the guys with the full head of hair are still spending their time scared to death of commitment.
Another practical thing: really tall guys don’t fit as well in the sack.
I dated a guy who was 6’7" for a while. He was a nice enough fellow, but it was an exercise in acrobatics to have sex. In addition, we pretty much had to have sleepovers at his house where there was a bed to fit him. Anywhere we went had to be in his car, which fit him better than my compact.
Give me a guy who is within a couple of inches of my height any day.
Wife is 5’9", I am 5’7". When we were dating, my height became a problem for her. I don’t know why it wasn’t a problem from the beginning as I certainly didn’t shrink after we met. When taking photographs together, for example, she used to buckle her knees, or put her head on my shoulder, anything so it wasn’t obvious that she was taller.
After some time, we had ‘the talk’. She was either going to completely accept and embrace me for who I am and disregard the issue of my height, or we were not going to be together. In the last 20 or so years the issue has never again come up, she no longer attempts to mask her height when taking photos, and she is no longer self-conscious when we are together in public.
I think, generally, women do have an issue with a man’s height. However, if there is a choice between a man who is tall and one who is self-assured and exudes confidence, I think the confident man will win in the end regardless of his height.
True… and I really don’t want to come off as if I think I have some sort of deformity or something. I’m lucky in many ways.
First of all, understand that online dating is about ruling people out. As one poster upthread astutely observed. So you go into it with your list of ideals. Would I pick you from an online site? No. If we knew each other IRL? Maybe. The difference is that I can see other good things you have going for you. I can already judge chemistry.
I readily admit that I probably have missed some great guys by my preferences. But everyone has criteria for making choices.
What can you do to increase your chances? Many women I know won’t read past a typo or grammatical error. Seriously. For a lot of women this is a deal breaker. So proof read your profile. Get your favorite grammar nazi to vet it for you.
Pictures. Guys, stop with the bathroom selfies. Get someone to take a few pictures of you. Show yourself both casual and dressed up. Include a full body shot. I never had a problem with shirtless gym pictures, but a lot of women do. If you are going to do that shot, do it with humor. If there is another woman in your picture, be sure to mention who they are. It may be obvious to you that it is your daughter, but I don’t know. If it’s not your daughter, rethink including some random woman in your picture. Make sure your photos are current.
Thank you for the advice… I’ll try yo arange all of that. 
Yes, selecting based upon appearance is pretty much the definition of shallow.
Height, weight, hair, body= shallow.
Personality, brains, humor, manners, cleanliness= not shallow.
Tom Cruise is 5’7"
/thread
How tall was he *after *awhile?
He’s an exception in that he has some sort of compensation. Average guys like me don’t.
hreadBeing attracted to a certain physical type is not shallow; people (and other animals and hell, maybe even plants) just are.
Fair or dark; slender or muscular / well-endowed; towering or petite; brown or green or blue or hazel - we all have a preference that draws our eyes.
And we all have something that is an automatic no. Me? I really am not attracted to skinny. I’m sure all skinny people are warm, worthy, and wonderful. I just don’t want to have sex with them. So, I probably should date them. If I still dated, which I don’t, but you see my point.
You know the old saying, it’s as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor one? You assume, that because I have a particular physical type that attracts me (Newsflash! Nearly everyone does!) doesn’t mean that the guy I choose out of that subset won’t also be intelligent, funny, generous, chivalrous and other really good adjectives. The two are not mutually exclusive.
:smack:
I would define shallow as dating exclusively within a certain physical type. there’s a difference between acknowledging what instinctively turns your head and completely rejecting anyone outside that group.
I’m not a huge Ashton Kutcher fan, but he said it really well here: Ashton Kutcher Speech - Teen Choice Awards (HQ) - YouTube
I think it’s about 20 million per, isn’t it? That trumps tall any day of the week.
Very well stated.
Never said they were.
Why is it that when a man chooses a woman for her looks, he is shallow, but not the other way around?
Because everything in this world conspires against men.
For a small subset of women, yes. But most of us wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole - also for reasons having nothing to do with his height. I have personally turned down a proposal from a tall, fairly handsome billionaire, and all my friends congratulated me on making the right choice.
Tom Cruise could have been a hero of mine. A short dude with dyslexia overcomes it all and makes it in Hollywood. Instead I boycott his films, because of his stance on anti-depressants.