I should have probably put this in the pit because I am really at the end of the line with it. What is a reasonable amount of shelf space that a woman should have dedicated to female products of all kinds? Assume you have relatively tight quarters and cabinet space.
What is a reasonable amount of money that should be spent on these things assuming you are on social security and modest retirement.
I think 1 oz bottles of wrinkle cream for $80.00 is overboard, I think there are multi use cleaners and cleansers and creams and lotions that won’t break the bank and will take care of multiple parts of your body. I just did laundry because she recently had surgery and found I had no where to put anything away because all the shelving is used by female products. I have learned a lot since I have taken over household chores, nothing like when I was a bachelor.
Regarding space, and assuming she’s not appearing on nightly news broadcasts or something, a good rule is to keep only enough to fill the space specifically allotted for such things, i.e. the top vanity drawer, a space under the sink, and maybe on top of the dresser*, and to consider that space as prime real estate – only the best get to stay there. Be ruthless. If you’re not using it you don’t need it, so get rid of it. Makes cleaning, storing, and actually using the items easier.
Regarding money, everyone has a thing. Or two. I have ten years’ worth of shoes in my closet and* I love them all*. My prime real estate rule fails me here, it’s warranted and probably necessary, but (shrug) it’s my thing and I know my behavior is less rational. Does the abundance of female products affect you and your space? Then you should let that be known. Do you just want to point out that normal people would be satisfied with one-tenth the amount of health and beauty aids? Then you open yourself up to similar charges, you with your ten shelves of books and insane antique tool collection or what have you. All I can say is tread lightly.
(*Once upon a time, the top of my dresser was my space and it accommodated my stuff, before it was needed to hold a 40" TV we had to have in the bedroom. Just saying.)
I think the negotiations should take place at a much higher level, if the two of you want to have a hope of living in peace. For example, you each get two shelves in the bathroom, and $x of discretionary spending each month to spend as you please. The priorities each of you choose within those parameters should be your own business.
Once I am off of house duty and don’t have to look at it anymore I will probably calm down. I don’t want to get her started on my tools and archery collection or we will have a problem. I think what bugs me the most is that she actually believes the subtle difference in inert ingredients can make a product special for eyes as opposed to face, or hands as opposed to arms they are all about the same thing.
I agree with Periwinkle. Everybody gets a certain amount of money each month to fritter away on whatever you want. I’m too old to ask permission to buy face cream, and since my husband isn’t my father, I see no reason I have to justify a lipstick purchase to him. Give me $50 a month (or whatever) and keep your nose out of it.
I also agree with Periwinkle about space. See how many drawers and square inches on the counter there are and split it as evenly as you can. If I want my nail polish collection to be displayed, leave it alone.
It does sound like you won’t have any problems with this but your wife might. I hope she can see that fair is fair.
I am all calmed down now allready. After doing the laundry and finding out that the entire hall closet system which had been delegated for linen was being used for female products I kind of hit the ceiling because I had no where to put anything. She somehow figured out how to put everything away. I don’t think I want to know how she did it.
For whose benefit is your wife using all these products? Yours? Her own? Either way, be grateful she’s not just letting nature take its course. If you like the way she looks, smells and feels, just enjoy her and don’t worry about the space and cost.
It depends a lot on what you call female products, you are including “beauty products” which isn’t part of the legal definition. Does food-scented shampoo count? As my brother once rightfully pointed out, shampoo marketed to women smells like food (usually fruit), but that doesn’t mean there’s anything different about its cleanliness, it just means women like fruity scents. Heck, I even buy children’s fruity toothpaste because I like it better than the grown-up, minty ones…
I have never surveyed how much real estate my Wife’s stuff takes up as compared to mine or ours. I know that when both girls both lived at home we had a lot of linen closet space taken up with pads and hair products but none of the women in my life use much makeup or things like wrinkle cream.
Sometimes I buy expensive beauty products - sometimes I use Vaseline and cold cream. The expensive stuff has a better feel, smells better - and does tend to have ingredients that work better - though nothing is a miracle on older skin - there are spot reducers that are expensive but work for instance.
You mention tools. Is there a different between the hammer you buy for $8 and the one for $40 - both will drive a nail. Is there a difference between the cheapest power drill at Home Depot and a professional quality one. Some tools have more power, some hold up better, some are more comfortable - the ones that are all of the above tend to be more expensive. Cosmetics are the same way.
Have honest conversations about space (you need more in the bathroom, I need more in the garage) and equalize and allowance - as long as she spends within her allowance, you shouldn’t care what she buys, and vice versa.
I take up quite a bit of space in the bathroom - makeup, moisturizer, hair stuff, curling irons. In the basement I get a corner for crafts, one bookshelf - and two storage shelves - that mostly hold Christmas stuff - my husband has four bookshelves - two storage shelves for miscellaneous stuff - he’s moving into his third for games, and a gaming table that seats eight. In our accounting of stuff, space and spend - he probably comes out as using more - but its probably best if I don’t dwell on it - even when he complains that nail polish has taken over the bathroom - because I like being married to him.
I can be the smug anomaly here - I have a bottle of body wash in the shower and a bottle of moisturizing lotion in the medicine cabinet. Spousal unit and I have our own preferences for toothpaste and deodorant, but pretty much everything else is shared.
So the solution to the “womens’ products” dilemma is to avoid choosing to live with a girly-girl. Some of us are very low-maintenance.
OK, I’m really not smug or judge-y or anything. I just don’t care about cosmetics and beauty products and such. But who am I to tell anyone what they may or may not spend their money on? However, in shared spaces, sharers need to negotiate and abide by fair share, because that’s the nice thing to do.
This could be her version of archery and I’m guessing that she’s in a pretty vulnerable spot right now. It might be kind of like if you came home from the hospital and everyone decided that the workshop was needed for medical equipment.
Besides, be grateful. Instead of just counter and shelf space, it could have been an extra bay in the garage for the Porsche.
I’m single, but I’ve also spent into the mid-six figures on a divorce and family care because I couldn’t hang with a mid-five figure unsecured debt.
I have the best set up possible - I have my bathroom, the remaining kid has hers and wife has her own. This is one of those issues where I much prefer to stay in blissful ignorance!
I thought I vaguely remembered an entire outbuilding or room in the garage dedicated to your crap. Unless she’s complaining about it, you have NO basis for complaint about her relatively minuscule footprint in other areas.
