At work I have 3-4 coworkers (men between 30 and 50 years old) who somewhat regularly bite their nails in meetings.
Most of the time it’s silent, but sometimes it becomes audible, as in they “clip/snip” (not sure of the right word) their nails against their teeth so that it results in an audible “tick” every few seconds.
It’s annoying, but I’m not sure how to approach this. It’s embarrassing to tell a grown adult, “please stop biting your nails in meetings” or “please stop making noises with your nails and teeth”. They should know this by now.
Ignore it. They know they have the habit, they’ve been doing it most of their life, they aren’t going to remember to stop because you asked - if it were that simple, they’d have stopped already, and your asking repeatedly will annoy others in the meeting more than the nail biting annoys you.
“your asking repeatedly”: I don’t know where you get this, but I haven’t brought up this issue even once, let alone repeatedly. And if I were to ask them, it would be outside the meeting, so I don’t see where you get “will annoy others in the meeting”.
In any case, having someone dig their fingers in their mouth and making clicking noises isn’t too far away from digging their fingers in their nostrils, and I assume you agree that picking your nose during a business meeting is a faux pas, right? Would you also advise leaving the nose-pickers alone?
Its a habit. You telling them to stop will get them to take their hands out of their mouths (or their fingers out of their nose) and five minutes later, they’ll be back. That’s why I said repeatedly, to get them to stop, you’ll have to remind them over and over again. And then they still won’t stop because they don’t spend 24 hours a day with you to establish a different habit.
Are you their manager or a friend? If so, you might be able to bring it up in quiet conversation with the two of you. Depending on the relationship, you could either say that this habit makes them look unprofessional OR that it’s bugging the shit out of you and everyone else.
Once they know that it’s being noticed, it’s up to them whether they want to put in the effort to change the habit.
I wouldn’t hold back if it’s bothering you. Think of it as when someone’s chewing gum in a meeting. If that’s happening, are you comfortable telling them that it’s loud and distracting? Chewing gum is a more socially accepted habit, but you should call them on the nails just the same.
One thing I will say about our new “millennial friendly” office space without any walls or cubicles - no one is clipping their toe nails at their desk anymore.
As someone who has had actual nails for a month now after not having any for the past 30 years, and is one forgotten application of bitter nail polish away from doing it again, you might as well tell them to stop breathing during meetings. When they remember to notice, they will stop for 30 seconds, but then the second they start to actually pay attention to the meeting it becomes automatic again.
None of this is equivalent to picking your nose, clipping your nails, eating during meetings, or any other behavior that is easy to control consciously.
Make a joke to call attention to it. They may know it’s annoying and disgusting for others to watch and just need to be reminded about it. They don’t need to be shamed about it, but some gentle humiliation would bring it to light w/o being offensive. Try not to phrase it like it’s gross, even though it is.
The beauty of this approach is that, once that cat’s out of the bag, you can bring a related joke back up whenever it’s needed.
Here are some quick examples. I’m sure we can do better.
“I couldn’t understand your answer, Tom. You’ve had fingers in your mouth all meeting.”
“Did you get some of that chicken from the break room? They said it was finger-licking’ good and -judging by the way you’re sucking your fingers- they musta been right!”
“I don’t think you’re going to get any water out of it that way.”
“Are those the fingers you used to make our coffee today, Sandy?”
“Do you need a toothpick?”
Good idea. I will schedule a meeting to decide on a time for a meeting to consider implementing your plan. Then we can have another meeting to decide how to solve it.
Shorten the length of the meetings. People are getting bored and that usually means the meetings aren’t so useful. If it isn’t your meeting, as to run it. Have an agenda, and keep things moving along.
So it started with one person biting their fingernails, and you said something to them. They got two others to do it with them just to piss you off because they are all sick of listening to you snort with your post nasal drip.
Everyone has their little habits they do that drive others nuts. Is there anything you do that drives people around you crazy?
In my office there is a guy that has his leg constantly moving, so much that it shakes the whole floor. There are two others that constantly make sounds to clear their throats. No coughs, no actually clearing their throats, just little noises like “Ahh” or “Hmm” every five minutes.
One thing I’m unclear on from the people who say “it’s a habit, you can’t stop it”: There are lots of habits and addictions, and some are acceptable in the workplace and some are not.
I assume that if you have a habit that is unacceptable for the modern workplace, that you will either find some way to stop it while at work, or you will find yourself without a job.
Are you guys saying that it’s acceptable in the workplace to bite your nails and make clicking noises with your nails and teeth?
To me, besides being a bit yucky, it makes the person look very unprofessional, and I can’t imagine a successful person (Jobs, Gates, Buffet, Obama), just sitting there and biting their nails during a meeting. It reeks of immaturity and unprofessionalism.
