Work Personality vs Home Personality: a poll

In My Humble Opinion
1

I have a very dear friend, now divorced from her husband and living away from here. Her ex-husband is a local doctor. I’ve seen him (as a patient) in the walk-in clinic, and I’ve seen him in action at home. On the job, he’s a great guy, personable, professional, and I doubt you’d find anyone who’s worked with him to say a bad thing about him. At home, he was an asshole.

Another close friend, whose husband is also a local doctor (no, I don’t have a thing for doctor’s wives; it just happens that way). At home, he’s one of the most charming, gregarious people I know. In addition, he’s a good cook, a good host, and makes a mean latte. But I was in the ER on Monday, and got to talking to one of my nurses, and she says that at work, he’s “unbearable”, and was shocked to learn he’s a nice guy at home.

My husband’s a great guy at home. I like his company a lot. But there are any number of people he works with who will tell you what a jerk he is.

Another dear friend’s husband has never, ever done anything nice for her (as to why they’re still married, that’s another whole story), but his co-workers think the world of him.

So, my husband and I have this theory: a lot of people are very, very different in a professional setting than in a personal setting, and a lot of times, they’re like polar opposites. I don’t doubt there are people who are always more or less the same (I’m one of them), but a lot of people aren’t.

So, a very unscientific poll. Would you say you’re:

  1. Really nice at work, but difficult with your family
  2. Really nice at home, but difficult to your co-workers
  3. Really nice at home and at work
  4. Difficult at home and at work

For me, it’s mostly number 3.

Thanks!

2

I don’t know if we can really evaluate ourselves accurately, but I’ll take a stab at it.

At work I’m pretty much warm and friendly with a bit of a fun evil streak. Out with friends I’m the same way but the evil streak gets turned up a little. At home? I’m a solitude kind of guy, as I live alone. If friends are over I’m mostly just cordial.

3

That’s a good point. I do know that my hubby knows a lot of the people at work perceive him as being an asshole (he’s not obnoxious; but he’s demanding, and he doesn’t pull punches, he says what’s on his mind. That’s one of the things I adore about him, but obviously, it turns some people off).

As for talking about my work personality, I can only guess by how my co-workers reacted to me (I don’t work outside the home right now). And I know of people who have “online personas”, and I don’t get it. I’m just me. If I tried to be something else, I’d just get confused!

4

I’m the same person all the time with small modifications for those societial norms. I try to keep the number of F-bombs down at work and I’m helpful and friendly to people that I work with that if I were at home or out in public I wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire. But my personality is the same all the time, outgoing and enthusiastic with a lot of joking around.

5

Mostly three for me.

Probably the biggest difference between my home and work life is that I’m much more extroverted at work than at home. I sit pretty much evenly between the two on the Myers-Briggs scale and being sociable and forming relationships is vital to my role, so I guess I balance that by being a much quieter person at home.

6

I don’t think ANYONE - at home or at work - would describe me as “really nice!” :cool: So I’m probably #4 by default. Whatever number/terms you assign, I think I am pretty consistent in both settings.

I think I am considerate to the extent that I do my own work and then some, don’t expect others to do my stuff, help other out, and try not to inconvenience others. But I tend to value efficiency and results over politeness and compassion. And I tend to have pretty high expectations of myself and others, and will say as much when folks fal short of what they can do and said they would do. So my family, friends and co-workers all could (and have) called me brusque, demanding, and - quite commonly - an asshole.

So yeah - maybe category 5. asshole at home and at work.

7

I’m very different at work than I am at home, but not in ways contemplated by the OP’s scale. This is primarily because at work, I feel constrained to be, well, professional. I choose my language more carefully, I’m much more careful about being as tactful as possible, I’m much more inclined to adhere to the dictates of formal etiquette and manners (for example, I’m way more likely to call people at work Mr. X or Ms. Y, regardless of what our relative positions are on the org chart), I tend to limit my topics of conversation to either work-related matters or matters of general concern (and even then I tend to be as vague and diplomatic as possible). I’m much more… disciplined and restrained. The same person, really, but not nearly as open as I am in private.

This is not to say I’m a foul-mouthed, rude, boring bitch at home. Okay, for example: Let’s say I drop a full cup of tea. At work my response is likely to be “Oh dear!” and fetching the paper towels to clean it up, while making light-hearted self-depreciating comments to anyone who happens to be nearby. At home, my likely response is more likely to be “Son of a bitch!” and fetching paper towels and yelling to my husband to stay out of the kitchen while I clean it up. Also some muttering.

In either case, I’ll make an exclamation, clean up the mess, and comment to people nearby. My mental state will even be more-or-less identical (surrounding circumstances might change it a little - did I upend the tea on a new work outfit? Break my favorite mug?), my actions in response will be identical, but my demeanor and expressions will be quite a bit different.

I’m pretty much always ruthlessly honest, but I’m considerably more forthright outside the office. The people I work with are not my friends, they’re my co-workers. I’m friendly with people at the office, but to my mind, the relationship is quite different. I’ve worked with (and for) people who were my friends outside the office, but even in those cases, while I was at the office, I kept my work-face on, so to speak.

8

I’m different in my outgoingness. At work, I deal with hundreds of customers in a day, and I greet them all, and am very friendly. But in reality, I’m an ornery cuss - a very nice, laid-back guy, but I just want to be left alone, except for my wife and very few friends.

Joe

9

Well I’m closest to #1. I’m a bit of a misanthrope but at work I fake being very jovial and friendly. My friends and family enjoy my misanthropy so I don’t know that difficult is the right work but will get a chuckle at home will unleash a string of profanities. But I don’t think talking about all the idiots I see in the world and what they deserve is appropriate at work. I’ve gotten stares from my friends when I get a work call when were hanging out at how much my personality changes not only the yes sirs but even the tone of my voice.

10

Well, yeah, I guess just about everyone makes some modifications. It just seems odd that I seem to know so many people who are radically different at work than they are at home.

From my hubby’s perspective, he’s not a very social person by nature. He has two very close friends he’s had for years and years, he’s got his family, and beyond those two friends and the family, he doesn’t give a damn what anyone thinks of him personally. He certainly prides himself on doing his job well, and cares what his superiors think of him professionally, but it’s like it’s an effort for him to be personable. (Of course, he’s an IT engineer, a profession that’s top-heavy with Asperger’s types), so he saves that effort for the people he cares most about.

I think that’s a big difference between him and me. It’s not an effort for me to be personable.

11

Heh. This post came through while I was composing my last post (I got a phone call mid-post and stopped for a while). Are you my husband?? :wink:

12

This describes me as well. I don’t swear at work; I don’t lose my cool; and I avoid political discussions like the plague. I also tend to be more outgoing at work than at home. I work with college students and I feel it’s very important for me to create a welcoming environment for them, so I push myself to be more cheerful and friendly than I sometimes feel. I also often have to be a hard-ass at work, but I try to be a cheerful, friendly hard-ass, if that makes sense.

13

I’m pretty much the same miserable bastard no matter where I am.

14

At work, I am kind, friendly, and appropriate. At home, I am kind, friendly, and inappropriate. :slight_smile:

15

At home I’m not all that gregarious, and perhaps stubborn at times. At work I’m friendly, outgoing, enthusiastic, sometimes almost tiggerish, but always capable of seriousness. But that’s what the kids respond to best!

16

I’m a little more of a goofball at work, but more sarcastic at home. When I’m at work, really I’m me, but with an HR filter built in. All bets are off when my coworkers and I go to lunch, though. We’re all pretty foul then, but I still keep some more personal topics to myself though. I can’t say I’ve ever really noticed anyone being the polar opposites at home and work as described in the OP.

17

The parts of me that are nice at work aren’t necessarily nice at home, but at the same time, there are parts of me that are very difficult at work that are nice at home. It’s a balancing act.

For one, I have a really terrible sense of humour, which I tend to reserve only for those who know me well… total strangers and workmates would be appalled to realise just how off-colour and politically incorrect I can be when I’m on a roll. I don’t even want to imagine the HR warnings I’d get if I didn’t keep my tongue on a leash.

I’m also much more aggressive at work than I am at home, mostly because my job requires that I be a bull-headed stubborn foot-stomper to get my point across a lot of the time - I work with some very strong personalities, so I’d have footprints up and down my back otherwise. At home, I’m much more laid-back, simply because I can make my point in a much more reasonable fashion and rarely have to engage in heated debate.

Otherwise, I’m pretty much the same person in both environments.