I just got a new job and have been a bit irked to find that the company culture includes some semi-mandatory socializing. Meaning, I could probably just not go, but it would definitely cause talk. But worse, there is an expectation of drinking.
Now I find the whole concept of workplace socializing annoying, but recognize that it can help cement good relationships. Fine, I’ll make my appearances and find a way to gracefully exit at the earliest opportunity. But this whole attitude of, “You MUST drink with us”, really juvenile. I suppose I could just go all counter-culture and firmly say no, but I’m not a teetotaler. I like beer or two, but only when I want it. I hate having to drink with these people, and then you get into buying rounds and reciprocating and being obliged to keep joining in.
I’ve never worked for a company like this before. And I’ve always been a person who was comfortable flouting most social conventions when they didn’t suit me. But I have the strong feeling that would be a mistake here. So my questions are:
Is this common? Did I just hook up with a weird company, or is this widespread in the U.S.?
I wouldn’t say it’s widespread, but I’d say about half the companies I’ve worked for over my 20ish year career have what I’d describe as a drinking culture.
Honestly, though, I’m not sure it would “cause talk” if you didn’t go. What gave you that impression? I’m not doubting you, just curious if someone said something to make you think that was the case? Even with a drinking culture, most people are adults, and the discussion rarely disintegrates to gossiping about co-workers who aren’t there, unless something REALLY juicy has just gone down and the whole company is abuzz about it.
But really, any workplace socializing is the same - you might get some advantages to joining in, especially if it puts you in front of people you might not normally interact with (that is, having a drink with the CEO will probably make him remember your name.) It doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be at a huge disadvantage if you don’t drink, though. My current job definitely has a drinking culture, and the “old guard” - ie, the people who have been there for 8-10 years - are friends and tend to go out and drink together. However, there are plenty of high level managers and such who are not part of that culture and it doesn’t seem to have affected their career paths.
Of course, maybe your job is different. But really, if I worked at a place where I had to drink and socialize to fit in, I’d probably be looking for a new job pretty quickly. And that’s coming from someone who does enjoy having a drink with coworkers occasionally. The minute it feels required, it’s no fun anymore.
So, can you explain / elaborate on the “You MUST drink with us” mentality?
At my company, there will be a happy hour maybe once a month, and it’s discussed throughout the office during the day on Friday, but I’ve never seen anyone shunned / excluded for not attending. Granted, the majority of people (or at least the ones w/ whom I interact) attend the function, but it’s not a matter of “if you don’t, it will hurt you professionally.”
If anything, considering people from all levels on the org chart attend, it can be beneficial. I don’t think the inverse is true - where you would be looked down upon if you don’t attend. Also, usually the company picks up the tab at the end of the evening, so the “mandatory rounds” detail you mentioned doesn’t apply in my situation. I will say that being invited to my first “company happy hour” gave me a sense of acceptance and community, allowing me to get to know my co-workers outside of the office. Sure, a little gossip was spilled, but the people who were spoken of were also in attendance and disclosing said info willingly.
I had to quit drinking alcohol more than a decade ago, and I was in public relations, one of the most “social” fields in the entire workforce.
So I drank soda pop, iced tea, coffee or whatever. And if someone said something about it, I’d simply say, “I’m not drinking tonight.” And when it was my turn to buy the round, I bought the round.
You’ve got two issues here. Being the non-drinker in a group of drinkers is not a problem, IMHO. I suspect the real issue is your not wanting to socialize with those people.
Meaning at one after work get together I got up to leave after what I thought was a polite amount of socializing, only to find another drink pushed at me with the comment, “Not acceptable.” While said with a smile, I felt it would have been taken as an affront had I not sat back down.
What makes me think routinely and firmly refusing this sort of thing would “cause talk” is the fact that I hear talk about that sort of thing with some regularity. This is the most gossipy workplace I’ve ever seen. And it’s mostly men! Did not expect that.
Frankly, the whole thing reeks of middle school to me. The reason I feel conflicted is because there are some good people here and it’s a job I really want. As a younger, less patient person I probably would have written off the place as lame. Now I know to give it some time and not be the new guy who comes in criticizing the way things are done. That being said, I find all of this annoying as hell.
And yes, I suppose the bottom line is: I don’t want to socialize with these people. I have a life outside of work and my time is valuable. I don’t want to spend it drinking beers beyond what I want with people who are not my preferred social partners.