sniff
sniff
… what the hell is that sme-
Oh.
The Scentsy is plugged back in. Grandboss split for lunch already, leaving her lights off, computer logged off … and Scentsy plugged in. Christ, I figured pregnancy nausea would preclude pumping noxious fumes into the air, but I suppose I’d be wrong!
I give myself two hours till the headache kicks in. Max.
Of all office behaviours, that might be my least favourite. And hey, as a bonus, he can stare down your shirt as he leans in your personal space!
[ol]
[li]Get a plastic handled screwdriver.[/li][li]Sneak into her office and pull the Scentsy partially out of the socket.[/li][li]Place screwdriver blade over prongs.[/li][li]Short out socket (and maybe the entire circuit).[/li][li]Go home early, 'cause if the circuit is blown your work there may be done.[/li][/ol]
(OK, not really, but can you at least unplug it while she’s gone? And if she asks, tell her it was giving you a headache. Seriously, does she not understand how smells can make people sick?)
I have a new “neighbor,” and he is a Speakerphone Person, and it DRIVES. ME. BANANAS. There are no conversations that he needs to be having in this particular office environment on a speakerphone. Most of them are personnel-related anyway, and that stuff is supposed to be confidential. Plus, he keeps calling everybody “dude” and “brah” and he really is leaving me no choice but to build a trebuchet out of office supplies so I can drop 400 lbs. of “gently used” paper clips and rubber bands on his head from a great height. Bonus points for me if I can figure out how to set them on fire first.
(I really, REALLY dislike dudebros and Speakerphone People.)
It can’t handle 400 pounds, but you might try one of these from Thinkgeek. They’re at least sized to fit on a desktop, and you don’t have to take the roof off to get them into the office.
O! And you don’t even need to buy a kit! Mini Weapons of Mass Destruction, assemble them yourself from common objects!
I think I’m in love.
When I was building my catapult I found that Lowe’s is pretty much a one stop shop for it. Though I doubt I could sneak it into my office.
I had someone at work who did that to me. So, I opened up word, changed the font size to 32 point and typed, ‘Could you back up, please?’
Apparently, he didn’t think it was as funny as I did.
S.B.D.?
Silent But Deadly (fart). You know, one of the ones that are never heard, but that stink like something has died four months ago. Something that clears a room in a hurry.
Too much trouble. Just plug it into a Clapper.
Then clap.
You’re my new B.F.F. Christmas list updated!
Oh! That’s something I should have know because…er, nevermind…:o
We’re fightin’ ignorance left and right 'round here today.
So at 9:15 this morning the boss sends out an email to the entire team to work stuff I’ve been grinding through pretty much alone for the last three days.
When I knocked off for the day, I was still the only one working it. Great teamwork. Thanks a million. Or more accurately, thanks for nothing.
Oh and I hit a new low in my “batting average” yesterday. I thought it was only the urinals that jerks were forgetting to flush. If only that were true. I had to use the stall and sheesh what was waiting for me in there looked like a chunk of driftwood.
In disgust,
Bri2k
You could always try one of these.
I did. (Shh! Don’t tell on me.) And you’d think she would, considering the first words out of her mouth on her return were “Oh my gah! It stinks of popcorn in here! I think I’m gonna throw up.” Best part was, it wasn’t my suite that made the popcorn; it was someone in another office up the hall, because the hallway reeked of it but our suite didn’t.
Next time, I’m totally making popcorn to cover the smell. And you know what? I may just walk away from the microwave.
Far more minor rant:
Yay! Cake at work! Huzzah! Omnomnomno-
What the hell?
Who puts *coconut *in red velvet cake frosting? Bleah. Oh, well. The cake part is good, and sweet enough that I don’t miss the icing. (Seven-year-old-me just died of shame at my adult self.)
Coconut. Ptui!
Today’s workplace adventure? Firing our new maintenance dude! You may be asking yourself why I might feel the need to let someone go after only a week, and I might give you the same tactful reason that I gave him: “The owner just isn’t happy with your work.” (And given the deplorable job he did with the floor buffer yesterday, the fact that he marked a work order “finished” the day before when it wasn’t, and the fact that he called off this morning with a total bullshit excuse? “Not happy” = understatement of the year.
The real reason he was fired is that Mrs. Idiot Boss is too stupid to do even a cursory background check before hiring. On his application, New Maintenance Dude listed one of his previous jobs as MP in the US Air Force from 2001-2009. (I notice shit like this, coming from a military family and with a former Army MP husband.) Oddly enough, though, while filling out his new hire packet, the former military policeman gave me a photo ID to copy: a Dept. of Corrections ID dated 2008, the type of ID card issued to prisoners when they’re released from a Georgia prison. A quick lookup indicated that he had served 3 sentences, from charges in 2 counties nowhere near an Air Force base, during the years 2005-2008. Drug and forgery charges.
Plus, during the 7! days since his hire, dude has borrowed against his paycheck from the boss, and borrowed cash from at least 3 employees. I’ll give him 2 choices when he’s paid Friday: I’ll pay cash for every hour he worked, and collect what he borrowed from everyone; or he can collect a paper check, and I’ll contact his parole officer to enforce repayment.
I want some of those legal drugs. And a slice of red velvet cake. I guess I’ll have to settle for the beer I just opened…
Be a good idea to make sure security is there when he reports for his exit interview.
Ah, now there’s a good idea!
No coconut, purplehorseshoe? I’ll take yours if you don’t want it. I loves me some coconut!
Security hell, I’m gonna have an off-duty LEO there! (Not overkill, we just don’t have a security staff of any sort.)