Don’t make me apply to be a mod just so I can move this thread to The Game Room…
You know him! Once we were out on a pick up and it was break time, so he asked to stop to get lottery tickets. I needed a smoke, and we are allowed to take breaks so I said OK. I was half way though my cigarette when I realized that SG was still in the mini mart. I wandered around the parking lot so I could see the counter (not wanting to get close to the door with my stinky addiction) and there was SG, scratching his tickets on the counter while the poor clerk was reaching around him to help the other customers. I put my cig out and opened the door and yelled at him to come out and scratch his tickets out of the line. He scratched the rest of them on the trash can lid, won 5 bucks and handed the poor clerk the trash can ticket.
Right on one. He is very charming and he recognises faces and remembers names. SG’s best skill is to go up to someone, call them by name, offer hand and give them a gormless grin while asking about their family.
Way back when I first started working with SG, he would park the van on the blue lines between handicapped parking spots. When I told him that we couldn’t park there because we were blocking 2 handicapped places, he gave me his happy idiot grin and told me that it was OK because nobody ever complained.
I did get that fixed.
I’m having surgery the first week of November. This has been scheduled for months. While I haven’t told anyone but my boss and clerk that its happening, it seems that EVERYONE knows about it. This is annoying, but I’ve figured out that I’m back in high school. If anyone asks to see my scar, I’ll show them my sword cane.
I don’t know what the heck it is about my co-workers, but they have GOT to stop trooping into my (shared) office and then standing around talking TO EACH OTHER. About clothes, celebrity gossip, TV, whatever. It’s not work stuff, and it’s not addressed to me or to my suitemate.
That’s right, bitches. I did glare at you and then make a bit of excessive banging around while pointedly getting my iPod out of my drawer and putting in the earbuds. I also heard one of you say “oh, let’s go. They have real work to do.” That’s right, I do, and I’m wholeheartedly sick of having to stay late all the time. FUCK OFF.
Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. Office partner, I’m staying late only for your benefit. Have some goddamn courtesy and stop slamming the keyboard.
(Someone gave this guy a lollipop earlier this week…he crunched the damn thing like that rock-eating lady from My Strange Addiction.)
I want to take people like that aside and ask them in all seriousness, “Didn’t anyone ever teach you how to act?”
How?
Dang, flatlined, you tell some of the best stories.
Ain’t THAT the truth. I want to take Flatlined and Sampiro out for drinks, and have them tell each other stories…
Make that “take the two of them *and a tape recorder *out for drinks”.
Be careful with that. Tape recorders can’t hold their liquor too well!
The auditors are coming next week. Today my boss gave me this big list of stuff that the auditors will want forwarded to them before they show up. They want this stuff tomorrow. The email that the list was in is dated October 11th. After giving me this list the boss decided to take off for the day because she’s tired. I feel some dread disease coming on. I think it will hit next week.
::headdesk::
I think I’ve worked with that temp. Anyway, thanks for a much needed laugh! 
So, any word on how Shreddy Freddy is coping? Is he hitch-hiking to faraway casinos? Gambling on middle school football games instead?
I’m secretly hoping he’s going cold turkey and that’s causing him to act out in odd ways (and, for flatlined’s sake, harmless ways) (and, for our sake, quirky ways).
And how’s the rest of your life, flatlined?
How in the hell can someone place a medical supply order and NOT notice they have $6500 worth of bed wedges on it? This chick wanted gloves, and she ordered 80 bed wedges. Even worse: their orders have to be approved by an administrator in their office, and the admin let it go! This is going to be an expensive lesson for the customer: this item is dead stock now, and this customer is going to be charged a 20% restock fee. We have to send them back to the manufacturer, and that restock fee is what they charge.
For Pete’s sake, review your orders before you hit Submit!
We have a guy who keeps bugging us to sell us toner (not the scammer guys, this is a legit company we do business with and they keep sending an email asking if we need more, it’s been so long since we ordered it!) so I looked in the cheque printer at what the part number was and asked him how much for this one.
He replies and asks me, well what about this other one? You haven’t ordered it since 2010 sometime. You probably need some. So since I think it’s a different ink for the same printer but I’m not sure and I wonder what the difference is I ask him “What is the difference between MICR and NON MICR toner?”
His answer? “You use the MICR to print cheques. Can I place the order?”
GAH! That tells me NOTHING! Diddly squat beyond it’s used for cheques. Why is it used for cheques? Besides, the one printer we use to print cheques uses… guess what?.. the NON MICR toner that I’d asked him about!
Ok, I do now know what MICR toner is for thanks to Wikipedia and he’s probably had enough people ask to know that telling them more would just confuse them but I like a little more info before I drop 350-450 dollars on ink. May not be my money, but I’d hate to be questioned on that.
Considering we’ve been using the non-micr toner for god knows how long I’ll just buy another, especially since again it’s been god knows how long and I don’t want to be trying to pay people and unable to print lol.
I’m the recycling Nazi. Back when I got this job, I was horrified at the waste. 80 bags of shred going to the landfill every week. I make people turn lights off, people MUST recycle.
Now, the shred goes to the Lion’s Club and they give the heavy duty bags back. The bags cost about a dollar each. This means I have more money in my budget to spend on other things. I will buy new bags, there are 4 boxes of new bags.
Today, SG came to me and said that I needed to buy more book and duct tape to repair the old, beat up bags. He had managed to shred 8 boxes of paper in 4 hours because of how long it took him to tape up the bags that should have gone into the recycle bin.
OK…whatever. Use the new bags, SG. That’s why I buy them.
But…spending all that time on his knees taping bags up hurt his hip. So now he can’t drag the bags out and needs to go stretch out somewhere. I told him that I understood, that he could clock out and that he should have used a table to tape up the bags, or that he could have even recycled them.
No, now he’s filing a workmans comp claim. I’ve filled out my paperwork, which says that I didn’t tell him to kneel on the floor while taping up bags. SG knows how to use the system. Our tax dollars at work.
He sure looked healthy when he scampered off.
Now, this is all friend of a friend sort of stuff, but I understand that the casino security guys talk to each other. From what I’ve been told, they are thrilled that SG got banned. They are very happy to tell SG that he has to leave. I’ve heard stories of SG going through the buffet and when he was asked to pay for his food, he yelled and said that he had already paid for it the first time he had filled his plate.
The cameras told a different story, but they didn’t want to make a scene so SG would get away with it.
Now that he’s banned…he has no place to get free food except for work. SG raided the IT people’s break room for coffee and food and has been banned from their area.
SG is hurt. SG thinks that sharing food is what people should do. SG talks about how he is always willing to help anyone who is in need, so other people should help him.
Personally, I’m still wondering how much he gets from stealing the thrift store cultery and pawning it. There are no forks and all the plates are missing from the lunch room.
Why do I see flatlined extra budget money going for a security system for her breakroom?
Room in the budget for a small cube fridge for SG and a nice big lock for the main fridge?
Oh sure, he’s plenty willing, provided that nobody actually, y’know, asks him.
I’m guessing quite a lot. Last time I went to a pawn shop, I couldn’t find a single piece of thrift store flatware. That shizz must really MOVE.
I wonder if scrap metal places pay for flatware? And if so, I wonder where else he might be finding scrap metal around the workplace?
Oh, I’m sure they pay for flatware. flatlined, start checking to see if the staples and paper clips are all gone.