Nooooo! First we lose Shredder Guy, now Rat King???
How will I get through my work day?
Hey, I’ve got some workplace gripes (for a little while, anyway)! I’m doing the City census this year, so I’m going door-to-door and asking people a couple of questions. My first gripe is the Girl Guides that were selling their cookies door-to-door yesterday on exactly the same place I was doing my job - I gave up and went somewhere else. People don’t answer their doors in the best of circumstances; they answer their door and yell at you if they’ve been bothered too much on a Sunday afternoon.
It’s going to take A LOT of trips around the neighbourhood to get all this information (and the City wants no more than a 1% no response rate - I don’t see that happening, frankly). I really enjoyed getting out and walking yesterday, so I guess I’ll just focus on that. 
So the nuking from orbit plan misfired, I take it?
“Oh, my” was exactly my reaction. And you’re right about the story. I think it deserves an epic poem.
Oddly, I’ve been re-reading Going Postal, and I’m at the part right after the Post Office burned down, with all the collected, undelivered mail.
Dear Bossman,
I cannot control when the mail arrives. I have no idea when the mail will get here. I do not have a psychic connection to the mailman to know exactly where he is or why “he’s taking so damn long”.
Furthermore, your repeated trips past my desk to ask if I’ve checked for mail are getting really fucking annoying. So is your pouting if the mail isn’t here by 1pm. I can see the flag on the mailbox from my window just fine thankyouverymuch.
If you want to pay me to sit outside on these nice days so I can get the mail the nanosecond it hits the mailbox that’s fine. Just don’t bitch when month-end stuff isn’t done, mmmkay?
Thanks.
Now that the big move is happening, I wasn’t able to go the the RatKing’s Lair until today. Imagine my disappointment when I saw that the fire was in an outbuilding across the street from the lair. The reason the lady who was training her ratdogs wasn’t allowed in was because there is now a locked gate.
There are 4 padlocks on the chain. They were supposed to be linked so anyone with one key could open the gate. Think chain, lock, lock in lock X 4 and back to the chain. I couldn’t get in because the person who was there last locked the chains together with the other locks hanging on the end of the chain.
The cabinet with the keys to the other locks is on the other side of the gate. Now that I’m in my “point and laugh” mode, I just called everyone who had keys and made them come to open the gate. We know who it idiot was. There are now 4 department heads who are pointing and not laughing at him.
Managers, I cannot read your minds. When the brand standards change, you might want to give me a heads up. I am the one who updates and maintains all those piddling little forms and notes hanging on the desk. I cannot do that without current information. Tell me when the standards change. Give me the printout. Your little smarmy “Oh by the ways” when inspection is due does not improve my mood. You value my efficiency. Please work with it. If you want a chipper little idiot, go down the street to Sister Property where you transferred the whore last year.
Here’s a really trivial gripe: We are a relatively small office, one guy (the owner) and 6 women. I had to post a note in the ladies’ room yesterday advising that if you use the last square of toilet paper, please put a new roll on the spindle. I mean, really. I have my suspicions that it’s the latest employee, the same one who wears flip flops and who shouts “God bless you” when somebody down the hall sneezes, since we haven’t had this problem before.
flatlined, that’s just … it’s … I … words fail me.
If anyone out there is making the “It’s a good thing my plan from the start was to point and laugh” T-shirt that was suggested upthread, I want one! Ladies’ size M, please.
May I make a suggestion? If you’re going to call a place of business to conduct a business transaction, can you put down the screaming infant first? Some of us wake up with sinus headaches this time of year.
Dear Employer, if the new process for ordering business cards requires an hour of training and a 14-page job aid, it is the process that is the problem.
Dear parent of my student,
Please explain why putting on pink sunglasses resulted in you screaming at your four year old son about " dressing like a girl".
Sincerely,
Your son’s saddened teacher
Me too!
Every morning, while I’m getting dressed, I remind myself that my job is FUN! I get to point and laugh and remind everyone that nothing is my fault. I’m not stupid enough to say “I told you so” to anyone.
Today some of the Facilities guys tried to move a couple of very expensive filming machines by themselves. This would void the warrenty AND the techs are already scheduled and budgeted for. The more sensitive machine (an OP500, if anyone is interested) got moved into a different room. The mirror was knocked out of adjustment. My boss said that we would just not use it until it was moved and have the tech fix it.
If the t-shirts are made, I want 5.
PS. If anyone has a source for Kodak microfilm that won’t go belly up in the next year, please contact me. The very expensive filming machines only use Kodak and now that Kodak is going teats up in the US we are willing to pay to have film shipped from the UK instead of buying another 25,000 machine.
Now I’ve been doing the Census for about a week, I have some gripes - I get paid for each response I get, so I’m coming back to your house and ringing your doorbell until you tell me to go away or I get your answers. I’ve left an official City of Calgary note - you know that I’m not trying to sell you magazines or save your soul.
Also, when I say it will take about a minute, I’m not kidding - there are four quick questions. To respond, “Can you come back another time? I’m just not in the mood right now.” is your right, of course, but instead of having me spend half an hour leaving and coming back, how about you just take a minute right now when we’re both here?
And, if you get mad at me and say you don’t want no damned Census, don’t be complaining when things aren’t getting done the way you want to in the City - we need this information to make plans for how to do things here. Not having enough schools in various areas? Maybe that’s because we don’t have an accurate count of residents and children because people won’t answer their doors/answer any Census questions.
And, in closing, I don’t think I’m getting paid enough for the effort this is taking. I think I’m down to like 50 cents an hour by now. And I got snowed on Wednesday night. I don’t think I’ll be doing this next year - I like the walking, and I don’t mind talking to people and stuff, but I want to get paid for it.
ETA: I forgot about the people who don’t lock up their dogs, for fuck’s sake. I feel like I escaped one yard with my life.
Be greatful that you don’t live in the land of “We don’t need any goberment watchdogs”. People were outraged when the mailed questioneer asked how many toilets were in the home. (are sewer upgrades needed in areas) The illegals refused to respond because they were afraid to be deported, so the schools which are already underfunded didn’t get the money they deserve and need.
I was at a friend’s house when a census worker knocked on the door. He didn’t want to answer anything because it wasn’t the evil goberment’s business. I went out to talk to the nice lady, told her that I didn’t live there, but could answer her questions. The poor lady told me that she couldn’t take my answers because I didn’t live there and that she would have to come back.
The next weekend, I saw her car again, ran out and told her that I was only visiting my home and that I actually lived in Tony’s home. She was able to take my answers then. I know that she knew that I was lieing, but oh well.
Good points there; at least I’m allowed to take information from anyone in the home or near it who is willing to talk to me.
Anyone who doesn’t want to answer the city census here is just a jerk.
I wouldn’t even say it takes a full minute.
You can come to my house - I’ll tell you how many people live here, and how old they are
That’s the thing - of all the billion people that come and bother people in their homes, I’m one of the few that is actually doing something that benefits the resident.
I’m ringing your doorbell in spirit, The Lady.
This + 100.
As a government worker, I hear it on both sides. “You are invading my privacy by asking for that information.” and “You are an evil bitch not requiring that people give their reasons and info before allowing them access to my public information.”
My work rant: The Most Annoying Person in the World is now in my office. When she’s not talking to me or anyone who happens to be around, she talks to the air. Loudly. And she repeats herself over and over and over.
I think I’d really like her if she could just shut up for longer than 2 minutes at a time. She loves cats and gives me food for my rescues. She decorates for holidays and bakes cakes for birthdays. She is a nice person, but she just won’t shut up.
At least she is semi-trainable. I wear headphones all the time now and she has learned to call my name when she is talking to me. This is only going to last until December, or until I find a job in Houston and quit. I can put up with anything as long as I know it will end.