I’m halfway through a grad school philosophy class. We just covered Kierkegaard. I am going to spend the rest of the weekend coming up with existentialist-appropriate responses for the next 558,000 times she asks.
“Rain and rain, what is rain?”
I always suspected that my career as an armchair existentialist began as a 9 yr old kid waiting for the barber, when I started reading “MAD’s Snappy Answers To Stupid Questions”.
Conversation in the breakroom at work during lunch last Friday:
There was an article in the paper about a gay high school senior who had written an story for the school yearbook about how he was bullied at first but the other kids became tolerant and now everyone gets along. Parents are in an uproar because, I dunno, a gay kid is out of the closet or something stupid, a county school board member who has no authority over this city school demanded a full investigation into “improper contact” with the students from the teacher in charge of the yearbook. No allegations of anything improper, but since he let him write that article, it must be investigated!
I chuckled and told the guys about it and said “Maybe the parents should listen to their kids, they don’t have a problem with the gay dude.”
Coworker #1: The thing is, he doesn’t have any rights because the constitution doesn’t say anything about it.
Me: It doesn’t say anything about straight people either…
Coworker #1: It doesn’t say anything about it because that’s all there was back then. The gay stuff just didn’t happen.
Me: Riiiight…
Coworker #2: I don’t really understand what it is they want. The gays are always protesting, but what do they want? They’ve got it made. They get money from the government…
Me: For being gay?
Coworker #2: Yeah they get government money and they don’t work. They have it better than anybody. I just don’t see why they’re always protesting.
(He had a point. I nearly turned gay after learning this information.)
Coworker #1: and they want to adopt kids. How crazy is that? That just ensures the kid will be royally fucked up. They can’t have friends over because their two dads might try to do something with them.
I wanted to argue all of this nonsense but knew nothing good would come of it, so instead I said “All I know is that I can never figure out why anyone cares about anyone else’s sex life. I know everyone in here is having sex but it doesn’t affect me. I’d be grossed out to even think about it and you’re all straight, why do people even care about gays? It would bother me to argue about straight people because I’d have to picture them screwing.”
Coworker #1: “Yeah but they shouldn’t be able to tell us how they want us to live either. There’s nothing in the constitution that gives them that right, or any right for that matter.”
That dude has kids. In a few years they’ll be rolling their eyes and embarrassingly saying “Dad is from a different generation and… you know… set in his ways.” like we had to do growing up when the rare old bastard would let the “n-word” slip.
Conversation in the breakroom at work during lunch today, completely different people:
Let me first say that these are non-religious, beer drinking, sailor mouthed, regular, middle aged men that I usually enjoy sitting around and joking with. Nothing like this has ever came up before.
Someone said something about the economy. One guy at the end of the table said “In two years the fuckin’ economy will be down the drain. Look at the shit that’s happening in Europe. England, and you know… the rest (I really think he couldn’t name another European country). That’s going to happen here in two years. Then you know what’ll happen? … We’ll change our money to the Euro, that’s what.”
Someone got up and thankfully closed the door as they left so no clients would hear the rest.
The guy looks at me and must have noticed the quizzical “Why would we switch to Euro’s?” look on my face…
Coworker #1 again: “That’s right, the Euro. Bill Clinton already fuckin’ signed it. It’s the law and we can’t get out of it, they’re just lookin’ for an excuse to switch over. And when they do, you won’t be able to buy anything unless you know what.”
Me: “You have Euros?”
Coworker #2 at the other end of the table: “No, mark of the beast!”
Coworker #1: “That’s right, the end times, and it you ain’t got that fuckin’ mark, you ain’t gonna fuckin’ make it.”
Coworker #3: (jokingly) “I’ll just go get a tattoo…”
Coworker #1: “Are you serious. You know what that is right? The antichrist. The mark of the beast. You don’t want no fuckin’ mark!”
Coworker #2: “You won’t be able to anyway. If you don’t have the mark, you won’t be able to buy anything. Food, gas, tattoo. Nothin’!”
There was more that I’ve forgotten now. I had to get up and leave. Another coworker, the one who proposed getting a tattoo, came out 10 minutes later shaking his saying “they’re in there arguing over the apocalypse.”
I don’t care if you believe Revelations is a premonition of things to come or if you have an opinion on gays that I disagree with. You’re wrong on both accounts, but I don’t care. But at least know what you’re talking about, be logical and don’t say insane things if you’re going to argue it.
It’s no wonder I usually go to a restaurant every day.
Where and how do I sign up to become a lesbian? I’m sure my husband won’t mind if I get gummint money for being a lesbian.
Can I sign up to be a lesbian?
regards,
digs (dude)
If you keep whining about how you’re sooo broke and crushed by student loans and expect me to be sympathetic, you’ll have to STFU about how you eat out three or more times a week, buy brand new purses and shoes on a whim and haven’t paid a cent of said loans five years after graduating.
In fact, how the hell are you broke? You make more than me and I can cover a mortgage and car loan while you’ve got an apartment and a car Daddy gave you.
Last week you were outraged when your brother asked if you wanted to pitch in $20 for a Mother’s Day/birthday gift for your mother because you “had no intention of spending that much money!!” Today you announced you took your boyfriend’s mother out to dinner.
Phew! Better now.
I want in on that too! Do we get a toaster as well? I’m so up for it.
I totally understand your rage. Jane is like that, complaining about her lack of money, but shows up every morning with starbucks coffee and muffins. She will buy iced tea at lunch and knows that I have a gallon jar in the fridge to share. When I called her on it today, she said that she wanted a bisquit and didn’t want to just spend a dollar. She will use one or 2 of my teabags and then make a point of showing me that she has replaced them with a full box.
You must be one of my daughter’s co-workers, because she sometimes complains about one of her co-workers that does this. Especially the purses. The point of paying $500+ for a purse is that it’s supposed to be in style and hold up for years and years. My daughter likes nice purses and shoes too, but she also likes paying down her debts first. Well, she doesn’t LIKE paying her debts, but she enjoys the feeling of having very little debt.
Is Jane the anti-shredder guy? Instead of stealing and being “charming” she’s loud and gives back more than she took. Maybe there will be a surplus of forks before you leave. 
If Jane showed up with a new yellow umbrella today – you know, because it might be raining again – then you work in my office. Stop over and visit! I’m on the first floor, in the cube near the paperback book exchange.
Creepy dude who applied for a job a few weeks ago, listen up.
Even though I haven’t worked here very long, I know who you are. You’re the guy who walked off the job last year without a word to anyone. Just disappeared one day and never came back. And now you want your job back? The fact that the boss fed your application directly to the shredder would’ve been my first clue even if I hadn’t recognized your name from some stories from co-workers.
So quit coming in to “check on your application”. You ain’t getting re-hired. Not now, not ever. I’ve told you we have no positions available. I’ve told you to talk to the boss. You’re creeping me out. Go away.
That is creepy. Well, not logical, at any rate.
HOLY COW!!! She did show up with an umbrella yesterday. Yellow with ducks and a snazzy duck head handle. She bought it for a friend and wanted to show it off. I almost jumped off the loading dock to look for you, but realized that I would have already met you because of the paperback exchange part.
We don’t have one of those. Cries.
Well, technically it’s a bunch of paper boxes filled with books I’ve already read and don’t want any more, but STILL. A couple of people poke around in there occasionally and complain about the lack of smut, but I continue to leave them there in case anybody wants anything to read.
Not really a rant, but a potential conundrum:
I’ve sort of fallen off the face of the earth in this thread (in case you’ve been missing me, of course). So, the crazy lady who had been making my life hell has left work. My crazy boss was just let go. After I already left, primarily because of crazy boss. Which is fine. I’m glad I left. It was the right thing to do and crazy boss wasn’t the only reason I left - I’m not a fan of my previous department’s culture, either.
Now, though…there’s a possibility that they may offer me my crazy boss’s job. Shit, shit, shit. I left for a reason. But, lots more $$. I left for a reason. But possible corner office. I left for a reason. But more control and ability to change the culture. Dammit.
There’s no guarantee it will happen. In fact, I’m telling myself it probably won’t, so it won’t be an issue. But has anyone here ever returned to a company that they purposely left? If so, how’d that work out?
Overlyverbose, I returned to a company I had left on purpose and it worked out about like I expected; that is, I got a lot of money but the place was still fairly screwed up. However, money is nice. (I actually left them and returned not once but twice. Thankfully, I am retired now and safe from temptation.)
On the one hand, you know more or less what you’re getting yourself into, but on the other hand, you know more or less what you’re getting yourself into. 
Make sure they offer you enough money to make it worth your while - people can put up with A LOT for enough money.
Hey, there’s no way you can suck at the job as badly as Crazy Boss, so you can take some new-job pressure off yourself.
We had one lady at the grocery store I worked at that went to help a customer carry her groceries to her car and never came back. For some odd reason, they hired her back and one day she just didn’t show up.