flatlined, the only reason I suggested a space suit is I doubt the local nasties could sink a fang through one. That, and your head would be cool too.
Not to mention that it would look so very awesome!
Seriously though, I ride a Harley. In the desert. While wearing black leather and a black helmet. :smack: Yeah, I’m an idiot.
I ordered the veskimo. I’m not sure that I’ll ask my boss to pay for it. She probably can’t, and that would meant that I couldn’t use it when I’m out riding in triple digit heat. Tax write off it is.
Holy crap! You actually ordered one of those? Wow, I am impressed. The one with the backpack was $492, which ain’t cheap.
GAAAAAAAAAHHHHH
Cat suggestion noted!
Oh, and enjoy the veskimo.
Yup, what they said - a non-compete clause is standard for all the temp work I’ve done. Most companies will pay out the finder’s fee gladly when they find a good worker; these guys, not so much.
I came here to gripe a bit about the temp agency that found me that contract; after working for them for three months (April to June), they NOW want me to do all the testing and give them an updated resume and three work references. Well, my most recent work reference IS THE JOB YOU JUST PLACED ME AT*! Holy hoop-jumping, Batman!
*Which gave me glowing reviews regularly for three months. What, did you think that was just a fluke, or that my supervisor was a big fat liar? Sheesh.
Sheepish grin. OK, I didn’t actually order it myself. I sent the link to Bill with my size and told him that I really needed one. 20 minutes later, he sent me a copy of the order comfortation. Bill likes to buy things for me, but for the most part my wants are modest and simple. He called a couple of minutes later and told me that he wanted me to model it with no other clothes so that when I took it off, my nipples would be hard. This is the same man who likes to take his time in the frozen food section to watch the result. I’m the naive one who thought he was just reading all the labels to be sure he had the right thing.:smack:
I feel your pain. I’ve worked for temp agencies in the past and some of the idiotic hoops I had to jump through were enough to make my brain go all splody. The best time was when I had signed up as a clerical worker and got sent to a job to do asphalt work. Of course, that didn’t happen.
Not only did the agency fire me, they called the unemployment board to say that I had turned down work which cost me a couple of days to get it straightened out.
flatlined, I like how Bill thinks–it will be a win-win for both of you—you will be cool, and he won’t be. On second thought, you win twice, he once…
What the hero in a sitcom always has to bear: a guy in the office who never misses a chance to tell him (the hero) how rotten his life is. The other guy isn’t much smarter, or better paid. He simply looks healthier, better-dressed, better-fed, better noticed, on the whole a lot happier.
Forget the bosses who have no idea how their subordinates do their job or where data comes from; forget the subordinates who have been doing the opposite of what their boss has ordered for the last two years; forget the assholes from Production adding extraneous fields to other people’s screens or taking necessary ones off without a by-your-leave; forget people giving sweeping orders which make no sense until you go into further detail (“anything and everything received at any factory needs to be inspected by that factory’s lab” “the TP and sodas too? and the post-its? wow, I see hirings ahead”).
Those change with every consulting gig, you see. So sometimes I’m the one asking about the TP and sometimes I’m the one who needs to be reminded that it’s absurd to inspect the TP unless the company you’re working for is, in fact, Scott. But the agents…
I’ve mentioned before those who, after half an hour of conversation in English, ask whether I speak English. “You tell me” is not an answer they can comprehend, the answer needs to be “yes sir I do”; otherwise they can’t process it. Bloody morons are worse than the database.
Last wednesday I got an email advertising a position in a place I shall rename as Potatoes-near-the-Thames, situated in SE England according to the email. While my knowledge of the cardinal points and of geography is enough to figure out where SE England is, more or less, I hadn’t heard of Potatoes-near-the-Thames before, so I googled-maps it before sending my CV “to be taken into consideration” for the offer. Yep, the place is in SE England; there’s an airport nearby with flights “home”, which is always nice.
Questions in today’s phone interview, and the answers I did not give:
- do you speak English? No, honey, this is a sample of my perfect Swedish.
- is your email [my email]? Why, yes, the email to which you sent the ad I answered, from which I answered, and which is listed at the top of my CV happens to be mine! Isn’t it amazing?
- would you be interested in working in Potatoes-near-the-Thames? Well, that would depend: am I required to eat potatoes every day? Can it be as chips? Can the chips taste like roast chicken and vinegar because they accompany vinegar-splashed roast chicken?
- are you authorized to work in the UK? Last I checked, “Nationality: Spanish” (listed in my CV along with full name, cellphone and email) did carry an automatic permit to do so. I’m reasonably sure I still have a Spanish passport. In fact, it’s in the same drawer where I keep my drawers, so unless it’s gone for walkies after I got dressed this morning I do have one.
- Not stupid one by one, but stupid that it got asked several times: who my last client was. Yes, it’s the one I’m still at. The one listed in the job nearest the top of the CV. Yes, that one. Those guys. Yep, still the same guys as three questions ago.
- Will you be available to start in early August? Gee, I dunnow, what is the meaning of “I will be available from August 6th”? Is August 6th early August? I realize it’s not August 1st, but would you call it late August?
The checklisted stupid, it burns!
I can tell you the (probable) source of every one of those questions. (Bolded additions are mine, all other content is Navasourced.
Questions in today’s phone interview, and the answers I did not give:
- do you speak English? No, honey, this is a sample of my perfect Swedish. Sometime in the past they hired someone who, after being interviewed in English suddenly decided that as a French national they were being disrespected if they weren’t accomodated in French (Sorry Canadian bias on the language choice) Boss or lawyer has decided that if they SAY they speak the language they’re covered from future accomodations
- is your email [my email]? *Why, yes, the email to which you sent the ad I answered, from which I answered, and which is listed at the top of my CV happens to be mine! Isn’t it amazing?*Again history biting them in the ass. Someone decided to ignore some emails while responding to others and blame it on the email address chosen.
- would you be interested in working in Potatoes-near-the-Thames? Well, that would depend: am I required to eat potatoes every day? Can it be as chips? Can the chips taste like roast chicken and vinegar because they accompany vinegar-splashed roast chicken?People don’t actually read the job application and when offered the job after reams of paperwork turn it down with a disgusted "Oh I thought it was in London"
- are you authorized to work in the UK? *Last I checked, “Nationality: Spanish” (listed in my CV along with full name, cellphone and email) did carry an automatic permit to do so. I’m reasonably sure I still have a Spanish passport. In fact, it’s in the same drawer where I keep my drawers, so unless it’s gone for walkies after I got dressed this morning I do have one.*Okay I lied, for this one I got nothing.
- Not stupid one by one, but stupid that it got asked several times: who my last client was. *Yes, it’s the one I’m still at. The one listed in the job nearest the top of the CV. Yes, that one. Those guys. Yep, still the same guys as three questions ago.*People lie. Liars screw up when asked the same question in different ways. They’re trying to find out if you are one.
- Will you be available to start in early August? *Gee, I dunnow, what is the meaning of “I will be available from August 6th”? Is August 6th early August? I realize it’s not August 1st, but would you call it late August?*OH you want me to start August 7th? Yes I know my CV says I’m available August 6th but that’s just my last date at this job. I couldn’t possibly start until I’ve had a 2 week vacation.
Hiring sucks almost as much as trying to be hired.
Dear customers:
If you’re invited to training sessions and fail to come to a single one of them, you’re still allowed to whine about not having received any training (whining being a right any Spaniard has, whether the Constitution actually lists it or not) but I’m allowed to point out you were invited to it and did not come.
Kiss my ass,
your trainer.
Apparently my co-worker is one of your customers. “I haven’t been traaaaaained” is one of her favorite whines. It’s worse because she usually whines this on things that should not require training for anyone with the slightest bit of common sense and the ability to read, things where she was offered training and skipped it, or things where she was trained but wasn’t paying attention to the training because she was whining about something else.
My response is generally something like;
“Do you have a brain? Is there some problem with it preventing it’s use? No? Then I expect you to pay attention and if necessary, figure things out on your own. You know, we do have manuals on all of this stuff and there is on-line help.”
Every time I think my customers are as stupid as they can possibly get they suprise me. Well not all of them but when they are dumb they are really dumb.
So one of them calls me and he is in a foul mood.
“Hey, Ann — any luck on those type A widgets we ordered? The guys are ready to install them and you are holding everything up.”
“You should’ve received them last month ( note …yes the guy waited a MONTH before making this call about their urgently needed equipment). It was received on such and such a date and signed for by XXX”
“Well, we did get 2 boxes from Widgets Inc and we have the type B widgets but we still need the type A”.
“Did you open and check both boxes?”
Here comes the stupid…
“NO, I opened one box and it had type B widgets so I just figured the other box had more of the same.”
WHHHAAATTTTT!!! In the first place, you should’ve known roughly how many of each widget you ordered and you should’ve realized that ALL your type B widgets were in the first box.
Secondly…I mean really, open and check all boxes before you complain about shortages and delay your own freaking project.
The mind boggles, really
"
Hey, I know that guy!
You got that right.
Biggest festival of the summer coming up this weekend and I still have many cashier shifts to fill. Damn kids all have excuses why they can’t work. It’s getting to be too late to hire anyone else.
Yesterday the festival supervisor gave me the name and number of a kid who worked for the company in previous years, and said I could call him to fill in some festival shifts. So I call the kid, he’s happy to help out, signs up for several shifts. Today boss finds out that I called this kid and flips out. Boss hates the kid and won’t let him work. Apparently something happened with this kid last year that set the boss off. I have no idea what, either no one knows or no one will tell me. I made the supervisor call the kid back. And the boss wonders why I can’t get this schedule filled.
I’m gonna wind up having to work Saturday and missing out on yet another trip that I wanted to take. There are no words left for how much I hate this job.
Flatlined, I would also be interested in hearing how the veskimo works out. It could really potentially help someone I love.
Everyone in the thread, I’m sorry for your work troubles, doesn’t it feel good to get it out (and entertain others)? (Damn, I need an angel smilie!)
Listen up, you bloviating fucktard - you do not rule the roost just because you have a cock. Shit hit the fan while you and your perfect family were doing perfect family things on your perfect family vacation. I’m sure it sucked to return to at least two dozen stupid emails about the now required warm body in office edict. To stave off another two dozen stupid emails, I arranged a meeting for all of us to hash it out. I went to management to find out why and what exactly what they want. A coworker went to other workgroups to find out how they are dealing with the edict. In other words, coworker and I had our shit together when we walked into the meeting.
We knew you’d be a pain in the ass about it, as you’re a pain in the ass about pretty much everything. I read your email, stating we work with idiots. Not generic idiots, you were kind enough to point out which coworker is a clueless idiot, which coworker is a useless idiot, which coworker is a moronic idiot… how lovely of you. I also read the email you sent to a coworker, being such a patronizing boor - “you don’t understand how difficult it is to work and be a parent, especially with cold and flu season coming up”. What the? Where was the slack when you made snipes at me for being out when TheKid had appendicitis. There was the comment when someone else was out when her child was injured. Hell, you have made comments about single parents for years. Oh wait - coworker is married. You like to make nasty comments at us whores who have had children out of wedlock. Yet you say how progressive you are.
Anyways, back to the meeting. It was mighty special of you to stand up and announce that YOU would be running the meeting, with your usual ingratiating smirk. What the everloving hell? Then you open your mouth and make it clear you have NO fucking idea what is behind the change. You tell some coworkers to “suck it up” when they request everything be done fair for all. When it is expressed that no one has an out, you whine about childcare. YOU’RE NOT SPECIAL, monkeynuts. You may believe it, but it ain’t so, Joe. Making it even for all means even…for…all.
After the meeting, you sat and pouted. Sucks to be you.
Client calls in, after I verify her ID she proceeds to spend 5 minutes talking non-stop about a problem she’s been having with the website. After about 30 seconds I realized this wasn’t something I could help her with and I needed to get her over to the online banking dept. Except I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. The few times she stopped to take a breath I barely started making the M sound in Ma’am before she started taking again obliviously. Finally she stopped talking. And got pissed off about me “waisting her time” because I couldn’t help and why didn’t I say something. :rolleyes:
Another client was was pissed off because he didn’t get the mortgage rates he expected because reported a bunch of late payments to the credit bureaus last year and that brough his score down. Which is what happens when you don’t pay your credit card bill for 3 months in a row. He swore up and down that he’s had automatic payments set up for yrs (he didn’t, at least not tru us) and we stopped making them (every payment I could see was a paper check, and besides how do you not look at your credit card bill for months on end). I offered to refund the late fees just to shut him up, but there’s nothing we can do about the credit score. I can’t even dispute anything with them because everything the’re reporting matches what’s on our end.
This particular client has several divisions. Let’s call one of them Pears and another Apples. The people from other divisions are always saying “well, we’re not Pears, you know!” as if Pears were a bunch of morons who can’t find their asses with both hands; Apples are the worst culprits for this but also the ones who haven’t come to any training sessions, did not come to the design sessions, never answered a request for data in electronic form (I’d send them an Excel, they’d give me back two sheets of paper).
Pears are the only ones who have attended every training session and design session.
Yeah, you know exactly which ones already report “no issues with the new system”.