On the positive side, when she calls the police and they show up to that sight, they’re sure to haul him off for a couple of days of tests.
Oh the mental pictures! ROFL
Thanks for a good laugh, everyone! 
Can one absorb caffeine through the skin? 
“Which boxes are we supposed to eat today?”
“Those ones over there.”
You know, we’ve been thinking of this as the rat KING’S lair. Maybe it’s the rat QUEEN’S lair?
Yes, there’s medicinal patches, same as for nicotine or morphine. I’m reasonably sure that they wouldn’t exist (given it’s a pharma product) if there was no measurable absorption. Right now the latest fad in anti-cellulite creams in Western Europe (or at least the parts thereof whose ads for creams I see: France, Belgium and Spain) feature caffeine as an active ingredient.
We have a strainer in the sink because people will dump the dregs of their lunch down the sink (with no garbage disposal in the sink, of course). After you dump the dregs of your lunch into the sink and it’s all caught in the strainer, would it kill you to empty the strainer into the garbage? Every day, it’s the same thing - a strainer full of someone’s lunch dregs. What, do they think magical sink fairies come and dump that shit for them?
People suck.
We have that same problem at my workplace! After the most recent incident, one of the project guys sent out a company-wide email ranting about the cretin who was trying to make kimchi in the sink. He also commented that both the act of dumping food in the sink and the food itself were in poor taste, since the lettuce was obviously iceberg.
One of the engineers has been known to send out close-up pictures of sink leavings, accompanied by demands that the guilty party clean it up immediately.
Hey, wow, people must think those magical sink fairies get around, because they do the same thing here. Mostly they leave the dirty coffee carafes in the sink, although we also get the occasional stack of dishes left behind. Sometimes I wonder if there is a community compost pile somewhere that nobody told me about, what with all the coffee grounds and soup leavings on the counters.
Yeah, I think it’s the same people who think the magical kitchen fairies show up and wipe the counters up after they’re finished spilling their coffee and sugar and creamer all over them, too. They also are responsible for cleaning out the science projects from the communal fridge. One of my favourite company policies has been Friday afternoon, the fridge gets cleaned out, no excuses, no exceptions. That works really well.
See, this is why I hate working with women - I’m doing a bunch of manuals at work, so I’m doing A LOT of photocopying. One lady comes in and starts hassling me about photocopying in sections so other people can get their jobs out.
“Yes,” I say, “I’m doing that.”
“Well, make sure you’re photocopying in sections. We’re doing blahblahblah today.”
What part of what I just said did you not understand? She was doing the old “look right in your eyes to make sure you understand how serious she is about this,” too. Lady, I haven’t been intimidated by anyone in a long, long time - I’m not starting with you and your silly power trip.
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
I swear to Jesus Christ almighty, even if I were with my best friend on a beach vacation, we would not be able to yammer constantly for eight hours a day. WTF. It’s non-freaking stop chatter in the department I sit next to. Everyone keeps an all day dialogue with their neighbor, there is always some contingent standing in groups to chitchat, and nobody bothers to stand up and go sit next to the person they are talking to- why bother, right, when you can just yell it for the whole office to hear? HEY MARIA- DID YOU GET THE EMAAAAAAAAAAIL? NO COULD YOU SEND IT AGAIN? SURE. OKAY, I GOT IT! GOOD. HEY MARIE DID YOU GET THE SECOND EMAIL? BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAHBLAHBLAH BLAH! In a large, crowded, completely open office that is otherwise generally quiet.
All. Day. Long.
Would putting noise-cancelling headphones on be too obvious?
Noise-cancelling duct tape on their mouths might be, though.
Whenever I try to listen to something, it makes it worse. Not only do I have the yapping hen squad, but now I’ve also got John Stewert or whoever also vying for my attention.
Basic office open office etiquette: Quick questions in inside voices next to the person you are asking- or send one of those email thingies, daily chitchat first thing in the morning and before leaving is fine, but extended non-work conversations about Appletini flavors and whatever should be sparing. If you need to have a meeting or a training or work something out with the team, get one of the many beautiful conference rooms you can reserve with the click of a button.
OR JUST SIT AT YOUR DESK AND YELL EVERYTHING THAT POPS INTO YOUR HEAD. THAT WORKS TOO.
Noise cancelling headphones with nothing on or even better, playing a white noise app.
The last time I had to resort to something like this none of that was available but I had a recording of ocean waves that saved my freedom (apparently murder gets you put in jail where there is NO internet)
What’s Jon Stewart got to do with your workplace?
My office has two women who also yammer about nothing all day long, mostly about stuff like American Idol and DWtS and The Voice and sometimes football. The older woman is about 40 with two kids in college and she still dresses like she’s a college kid herself. And she says, out loud, “Oh. Em. Gee!” when something amazes her, like she’s a freakin’ teenager. A couple weeks ago, she and her husband went for a week’s vacation to Mexico and we got to hear aaaall about her plans before she left and her escapades when she came back. Something about rum drinks. And she sings, blissfully out of tune. (She knows she’s out of tune; she thinks it’s hilarious.) And she’s just LOUD. She even SNEEZES LOUDLY. She slams the phone down 'cause it’s LOUDER that way. And she’s training the other one, who is not yet 30. :eek:
It was so quiet today, because she had the day off. 
Some people just need to be put down for the benefit of society.
A note to that chatterbox that every office seems to come equipped with:
My mom does the “keep up a running commentary all day long”. But she’s pushing 90, so I expect her to act like a 9-year-old sometimes. You? You’re not dealing with widowhood and the onset of dementia. You’re a healthy middle-aged middle-class middle-intelligent woman. Why act like a senile old biddy who can’t take 30 seconds of quiet before she has to treat everyone to the most uninteresting details of her what-passes-for-a-life?
I’ve got a good first step for your recovery. Instead of just launching into a long story about The Really Yummy Chicken Something That Sounds Like Tiki brought by The Hairiest Waiter Ever, try this:
“Mmm, I had some great Indian food last night.” Then wait and see if anyone’s interested. If they are, they’ll ask “Where?” or “What did you have?” If they’re not, give up. You cannot make them care about the details of your life, and the more you try, the less they’ll care.
I posted this to my blog long ago, but it appears the same things are still happening in the office world -
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Dear “Beloved” Co-workers
Dear Cow-orker number one,
It is not my fault you decided to have six kids, therefore it is not my responsibility to do anything about the issues they cause you. Including listening to you bitch about them, how tired you are, how busy you are, or just sighing loudly. Over and over. Daily. And while we are at it, learn to eat with your mouth closed, 'k?
Dear Co-irker number two,
You don’t need to say anything and everything that pops into your mind. Really. Particularly multiple times. You won’t explode if you don’t, trust me. This wouldn’t be so bad if every other thought wasn’t stupid or intolerant. BTW, my name is not Catalina. And, no, I don’t want to listen to rap “music” after the supervisors leave for the day.
Dear Cow-orker number three,
BLOW YOUR DAMN NOSE!!! Its bad enough you came in sick, do I really have to listen to you sniffle all day?
Dear Co-workers four and five,
I love you guys, if it wasn’t for you two I’d have lost my mind long ago.
Dear Lead,
You know I hate you, why won’t you just leave me alone? I cannot imagine I am ever going to like you, and since respect must be earned, you are out of luck there too. I’d have thought that the time I went postal on you and you got in trouble for it, you’d have learned but I guess you are too dumb. Of course, that did provide hours of enjoyment for myself and four and five, but it really isn’t worth the daily irritation.
Dear Boss,
Luv ya, so you know this isn’t personal - GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
Pant
Another day without killing someone