Time to send horrible random texts?
If I never get another ticket saying “Client needs port X, Y & Z opened in firewall ASAP, please respond by email when done”, it will still be 10 million years too soon.
This is inevitably followed by a long and pointless email exchange where it transpires that the client has no idea of data security or what a firewall actually does, has installed some sort of discount-shelf software on their machine, can’t make it work and has contacted the makers of said software, who have realized that they can end a support call by saying “talk to your network administrator, he needs to open the firewall”. No, he doesn’t.
Those firewalls are all that stand between us and an Internet with tens of millions of people who hate the fact that we don’t give our movies away for free, and if we opened ports every time a shareware developer suggested it, they would have more holes than a shotgunned Swiss cheese.
If there’s a business requirement, we can of course build a solution, with due attention to security. This means spending time and money, sorry. But I’ll be damned if I poke a hole in the firewall based on your half-remembered conversation with some overseas support guy, and I’d appreciate if you didn’t pout about it.
“I’m sorry, it fell off your desk. Repeatedly. Into the wall.”
Haven’t you learned anything on the SDMB? It’s time to text (or possibly tweet) everyone on his contact list, proclaiming a deep and abiding passion for having sex with sheep. 
Make sure to wipe off any fingerprints afterwards.
We are a Military correctional facility. We deal with Service members and former Service members. There are current budget cuts to the Military. The civilian staff run the show. If the Military start to get an advantage, the powers that be hire more civilians. This results in civilians being able to set policy and with hold training from Soldiers because the Soldier will not be there for more than four years. Instead, you get someone who is hired at a higher pay grade than the Soldier who will be there for potentially 20 years who is the only one who gets to set policy.
SFC Schwartz
One of each, yes. But SiL has so many sexual hangups that it might be enough material for a doctoral thesis. I’m not going to explain them because thinking about them makes my head hurt and my body feel lonely, but as her daughter’s pediatrician once told her having just found out about one of those hangups, “I’m surprised you two have children, anybody whose husband was any less in love would have a murderous divorce.”
In Mr. Moves like Jagger’s case, the ringtone mysteriously changed itself back to Nokia Factory Setting.
Surely there are better (more embarrassing) ones to choose! [ul][li]mating call of a bull moose[/li]li Meg in the restaurant in “When Harry Met Sally”[/li][li]appropriate line from Body Count’s rap song “Cop Killer”[/li][li]recording from Le Pétomane, the famous French stage professional fart artist[/li][/ul]
Those would have required some actual effort, plus the “mierdaputacopónnnnNNNN” when he realized he’d missed several calls due to not realizing it was his phone was quite priceless.
The second time it happened he finally started switching his phone off when he left it behind to attend a meeting 
It’s not like it needs to be on to be able to tell you “hey bubba, you missed a call”.
A coworker named Bill would often walk away from his cellphone. He would leave it on vibrate but it had a particularly powerful vibratory function so it made a particularly loud and irritating noise thumping around on the desk. We began referring to it as the “billdo” so it became more humorous than annoying.
After much thought and consideration, I am going to steal Gormless Guy. I know its not legal to pick someone for their size and strength, but I really don’t want to hire someone my size.
Besides, he has shown that he can follow directions. When I tell him that nobody can come into the archives without my permission, he calls me to ask if its OK to let Bill in.
He also loves to talk to telemarketers. I timed him yesterday, he spent 11 minutes having a happy, polite chat with someone who was trying to sell siding, or paint or something to do with the outside of the building. Is that talent or what? If you guys kick in some cash, I’ll let you forward your phone spam to him.
(I wasn’t timing him to scold him over wasted time, I was timing him to see how long he could keep the telemarketer from bothering other people)
Yay! Looking forward to Gormless Guy stories! That’s quite a talent, wasting the telemarketer’s time. 
Gormless Guy has a nice ring to it
Ok, now I’m unhappy and I have to vent.
Woman I used to work with. Not really friends outside of work, but she’s a FB friend and she’s a solid worker. I thought she was a good person too. Last week she posted that she went home crying from work (that place sucks), so I spent two days messaging her with job opportunities where I work that she is qualified for and FIVE people from my previous team are doing either as employees or contractors. Easy stuff (paperwork stuff), but more than she’s making now and my former teammates seem to be enjoying it.
Going back a few years, her daughter was having some problems with her boyfriend, who sat right next to me. I of all people was the one to straighten him out, mainly by pointing out that he was totally screwing up his relationship with a woman who was insanely hot, but without the insane part, who was a geniunely nice person, and the real kicker - she loved him. Today they’re married and have a daughter.
Well, today she posts the fake “I’m 83 years old and I’m tired” hate filled right wing bullshit that is falsely being attributed to Bill Cosby. This is what, version 4 of this crap? Snopes says it’s fake, Cosby himself says it’s hate-filled and people should delete it when they see it. I point out it’s fake. Someone else points out it’s fake.
She says “But it’s still a good speech!” :smack:
My current assignment - no desk, no internet, no Outlook/email, no bathroom, no breaks (except the bare minimum lunch break mandated by law), and today, they added no water to the list. They keep “joking” about how this project is going to go on forever, and they’re going to keep me forever - bitches, there is no way that is going to happen. I’m gone the second it gets nice enough to start working in my garden again. See, I’m a temporary worker - you can try to pull your wage slave shit all you want, but that ain’t me.
Picking someone for their national origin is (generally) illegal, but picking someone for their language skills is legal. The size and strength are perfectly reasonable reasons to pick someone in this specific case - your job does have minimal “physical ability to lift stuff” requirements which your new minion happens to exceed.
Dear kid (I tutor),
I want the best for you. Your mum wants the best for you that’s why she hired me. However - I am not being paid enough to deal with your behaviour today. We are in a library, believe it or not there are information sources that exist other than the internet. These things are called BOOKS. Deal with it. Don’t behave like a little spoilt brat “but I don’t like books” :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: and then refuse to do anything until our time is up. grrr I feel like a complete failure at the moment 
Is that even legal? 
Yeah, I wanna say the no bathroom thing is illegal. There was a kerfuffle at a call center here about six months ago about a similar situation with restroom restrictions.
I just got an email thanking me for volunteering to be on-call for support issues 24/7 for an entire week. Guess who did not volunteer but got put on the schedule anyway?