Wait. If there’s no key, how does building maintenance get the problem solved? Do they send someone to take the door off the hinges?
Have them leave the door off.
Or if maintenance actually DOES have a key, make them give you one.
I’m sure it was awful but it is kind of funny. 
I wish my boss would stop hiring servers who are what I like to call “psycho smokers.” You know, the people who can’t go an hour without smoking. Typical psycho smoker behavior is running to the door and seating everyone but yourself (not caring if they’re burying a newbie with multiple tables at once) in an attempt to force me to let them go on break. It’s not that I refuse to give them breaks, but I will only do so when buisness allows for it. Other than that, tough shit. I refuse to run shorthanded during a rush just so they can puff their little cancer sticks. Assholes.
Kind of an anti-rant here:
My minion spent 37 minutes on the phone with a telemarketer and never got rude or even suggested that he might agree to anything or was interested in their product at all.
On one hand, I shouldn’t let him wast time like that, but on the other hand, its so entertaining to hear his nice, polite responses.
On the thrid hand, we are are an evil oil company, so if I let it be known to the internet masses that we are paying and praising someone to stop telemaketers from calling other people…don’t we get bonus points?
I’ve had the odd server who disappeared for 15 minutes right when we needed something, then finally came around reeking of smoke. Tip - drastically reduced.
My responses to telemarketers are polite, too - “We’re not interested.” {click} 
Mine are downright helpful: “I’m going to let you get on to your next call.”
ETA: {click}
So I guess my response to Mr. “Oh, no, I’m no telemarketer, I just want to chat with your wife about our novel approach to insurance!” was pretty dickish.
I told the smarmy misrepresenter that she’d just been discussing how she needed more insurance, but that she was just getting out of the shower. I put the receiver down on the counter, and as I went about my day I’d occasionally yell “Honnnney…”
I was actually giving blood once when one of the nurses came over to my nurse, who’d just put the needle in my arm, and asked if she wanted to go for a “breathing treatment.” They both left, while I was lying on the table, and came back about 10 minutes later stinking like ashtrays. Red Cross nurses. 
The proper word would be Ashhole.
Back when I was a security supe, one of my guys would ask for a smoke break every hour or more frequently. When I cracked down on him, he complained to MY boss, who told me to let him take them (because he smoked). * But damn you, I’ll write you up if you let anyone else take a break!*
On my last programming gig, a member of my team would take four long smoke breaks every day. And I mean LONG. One time she was out there for over 45 minutes. When I complained to our manager because I needed her to do something for me, he insisted that she never took more than five minutes! Why? Because that’s what she told him and he was choosing to believe her. I asked him to check her login/out times and he refused.
Fuck Smokers. Fuck them with burning hot pole sized cigarettes. If I ever own/run a company, cigarette breaks will be expressly forbidden and managers instructed that THEY will be fired immediately if I catch them allowing their people to take endless breaks so they can smoke.
Oh, I should add that the same programming manager yelled at me because I was standing in the break room for 2 minutes looking over the front page of the newspaper and… we don’t allow breaks. Ok, so endless cigarette breaks for smokers, but angry sniping at non-smokers who pause for 2 minutes to look at something non-work related? How the fuck does that work?
I used to be a smoker. And then a non smoker, and a smoker and non, wash rinse and repeat over and over. I fucking hate how much I love that drug.
Anyhow, it always seemed unfair to me that non-smokers aren’t supposed to take breaks, so I would take coworkers out for smoking breaks. A 15 minute break in the morning and another one in the afternoon, just as the job allowed. When I was a peon, I was amazed to see management getting upset about this.
Now, as management, I require people to take breaks after every 2 hours. I don’t care if you are going outside to smoke, or using your work comp to check your ebay listings. I want you to refresh yourself because I’m going to work your butt off during the next 2 hours.
The finance manager at the factory where I’m working smokes - only, at the speed he sucks them in, those of us who don’t seriously wonder why the hell doesn’t he go for nicotine patches. We just can’t see how he’s getting any pleasure out of inhaling a whole cig in less than a minute.
I’ve been places where people would try to convince their managers to allow them three 5 minute breaks twice a day instead of two 15 minute breaks. Only as one manager pointed out in shooting it down; “It takes you three minutes to get outside, then another three back, and then your ‘five minutes’ turns to 10 or 15, and your “three 5 minute breaks” becomes “three 20 minute breaks”. So NO. One 15 minute break, that’s it, and not one minute longer.”
And this morning, the very last person on the bus decides to squeeze between me and the other person on the bench up front rather than walking to the 6-8 open seats at the back of the bus.
And she reeked like an ashtray. Oh joy.
Trust me, he doesn’t. He’s just trying to get the rush as fast as he can.
He’s so right - every break turns into wander off, talk to some people, go outside, push the time limits on the break, wander back, talk to some more people, get some coffee, etc.
So, that was when you got up and walked back to those empty seats, right?
Nope. I have a bum left leg. Hip and knee. I sit on the middle-facing ‘handicapped and elderly’ benches because I cannot sit in the regular seats with no leg room or I will be in excruciating pain by the time we reach my stop.
My only alternative is to sit in the aisle seat on the right side where I can extend my left leg into the aisle. But as I made the effort to get there early and I fall under the ‘deserves to sit in seats designated for this purpose’ category, she can bloody well spend the trip uncomfortably squeezed between us if she insists.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I knew this would come back to haunt me. Remember the asshole boss? Who I advised my department not to hire? Well, some other department decided to hire him within my company. So I get to see his douchey face every fucking day. Karma’s a biatch, ain’t it? If this were a cartoon or a sitcom, it’d be just hilarious. Dammit.
Overly, would it be in poor taste to start the deathpool for when security escorts him out the door, with all his belongings in the case-o-paper box?
Absolutely not. In fact, I would welcome it.
Fortunately (but not for its employees), the company I work for prides itself on its “lean” business model. Which is code for “burn the hell of your employees.” This guy once told me that he shouldn’t have to work - that was for his “pets” to do. And yes, he actually referred to employees as pets. Unfortunately for him, he will have no pets and therefore no one to do his work for him.
Sounds like you have front row seats for the crash and burn, then. When have video, post to youtube.