No, that sounds just about right. 
I spend today turning Word documents into a PDF and then back into a Word document - it can be done. The results are kind of shitty, but you could find your damned buzzwords. I mean, not your buzzwords, Cheez_Whia, the HR flacks’.
Thanks, CW, for the moral support. I appreciate it!
So, ex-boss started his new job at my company on Monday. He completely lied to me, too. He told me, “Yeah, I was totally shielding you guys from reality. The company was doing really bad. I had to take an involuntary vacation,” blah, blah, blah.
The bad is that he’s on my floor, in the same wing as I am. He sits just across the hall. The good is that he’s now at the same lever I am, has no direct reports, is completely overwhelmed, has no idea what he’s doing - the work we do is way over his head and the culture is unlike anything he’s ever experienced before. Even better, he’s for some reason avoiding me like the plague. I’m okay with that.
I wonder how long it’ll take before he’s gone. I really do. I think he’ll hang on as long as he can because he needs a job, but my company is well known for showing people the door if they can’t catch on quickly.
Well, if you aired the dirt you have on him it could really hurt him and he knows it. It’s like when I ran into my former research team a couple of months after dropping out of grad school, when my ex-advisor had already found out there was no way in Hell he’d be able to continue a career in academia because of my discreet whistleblowing - the rest of the group came over, we said our his and howareyous, but he couldn’t even look at me much less talk to me. I said hi to him and he just mumbled something to his collar.
Hey, Cheez_Whia, here’s your chance to practice your negotiating!
Tell them that if they’ll provide you the buzzwords, you’ll reciprocate with a reformatted resume…
Is this a story you’ve told here before? If not, please share. It sounds very interesting.
The long version has chapters; the tl,dr is that my advisor published my research without my name and with the complicity of the director of the graduate program (who was one of our coauthors). I didn’t see any point in staying for reasons it would take long to explain; going through the official complaint channels would have taken a long time, my Dad had already been diagnosed with cancer so I knew I might be returning to Spain soon (I was in the US), but I also knew I wasn’t the first time they did this and that they wouldn’t stop unless I chopped their legs off at the knees figuratively. So I did: I gave the information I had to another professor, one with enough seniority to get and keep things moving.
The director retired for medical reasons, my advisor’s 7-year “probation” contract ended without him getting tenure. He went from having a state-of-the-art lab in one of the best-known universities in the US to teaching at his local community college, and the one article which was published with my name is and will probably always remain his best.
And all for an “on call” position!
I’m going to be interviewing people on Monday and Tuesday. Lots of good resumes and hopeful faces and I only get to pick one. The worse part of this process is knowing that I’m going to disappoint so many people.
And that I will be wearing a suit and stockings. And Barbara Bush sensible shoes. OK, well the shoes are OK, its the stockings that suck.
Does anyone know what buzzwords are typical, so I can work them into my CV? I’m looking for jobs in general office admin as well as in my field, which is environmental stewardship, community gardening, municipal gardening, country ranger(ing?), arboriculture, that sort of stuff.
I didn’t have a program to look for buzzwords, I read the resumes. Things that stood out for me were volunteer time and knowing how to find and understand State Retention Schedules.
I did pitch all of the resumes that had spelling errors. That tells me that someone is too careless to use spell check. I also tossed the ones that had all of the words spelled properly, but were out of context. That told me that they had used spell check, but didn’t bother to proof their work.
The resume that was printed on bright pink paper and folded into a little tiny envelope was handed around so everyone could laugh.
How about the one that was printed on the label of a champagne bottle?
If it was on a still full bottle, I would have looked at it twice 
The buzzwords they want will be right there in the posting for the job. Echo them back in your resume, together with ‘x years working with…’ and you’ll make it thru the first set of computerized screening.
Reply to Purplehorseshoe:
*Vaguely work-related mini-bitch the second:
I haven’t worn heels in a while. Now that I’m back from leave, I’ve work heels two days in a row, and mah dawgs are barkin.’
*
Was this your first day back at work?
Dear prospective employer:
"Please include copies of the following documents along with your application form:
• Passport
• Drivers Licence
• 2 Recent Utility Bills
• 2 Employers References
• SIA Licence if applicable
• Visa ( right to work permit if applicable)"
Um, no. You get to see these things at the interview stage, I am NOT required to include them with the application for a fucking janitorial position.
Bad: It’s Monday.
Good: At least I had a class scheduled at a police department first thing, so I didn’t have to come right to the office.
Bad: Pulled in to the parking lot and immediately saw that the lights in the training room weren’t on. Somebody forgot to tell the people scheduled for class that they, um, had a class this morning.
Good: Re-scheduled. Hung out an had a cup of coffee, I’ll get paid mileage anyway because it wasn’t my screw-up.
Bad: There was a dispatcher being trained on her first day. I was struck by how envious I felt of her. I miss having something new to master. Maybe I’ll get a call this week from one of the jobs I have applied for.
Good/Bad: Lots of correspondence to return once I got back. At least I’ll be busy.
HA! I have an interview tomorrow with the “buzzword” place! It’s for an on-call position; which would work with my current employers needs (4 hours a day once a week). We’ll see how it goes!
I loathe a woman in my department. She is stupid, but she doesn’t know it. She proceeds as if she understands everything, and furthermore, is an effective, dedicated employee. She’s not. She’s a moron.
MORON. Stupid. She is barely sentient and I wonder how she finds her way to work in the morning. Dumb. She is such an idiot I am rendered incapable of describing how big of a dumb bunny she is. I am mute in the face of the massive giant ball of suck which is her (ha!) intellect.
Our parking lot is visible to both she and I, and to another of our co-workers, a friendly young woman whom I like. The moron has swamped her with chummy camaraderie ever since she began working here a year and a half ago and they are “friends,” despite the fact that, see above: moron.
Anyway, this parking lot and a strip of land next to it is used as a cut through by a lot of people, including people going to the community college next door, and joggers. Some low-grade interesting people tromp through, including scantily clad joggers in good weather, who are sometimes worth a mild look.
But to this dope? Each and every person, particularly the repeat visitors, and those with dogs, are a source of high entertainment and much comment. She frequently hollers down the hall to the nice co-worker about what a certain woman is wearing, or what bicycle a particular student is riding today (the biker alternates between two. Believe, me I know.). Worse, sometimes she CALLS the other girl, and I can hear both of them talking through the walls! (My office is in between theirs.)
Why can’t she sit in her office and quietly be a moron? No, she has to bray out all her inanities all the livelong day, and my teeth are slowly being ground to dust at having to endure it.
:mad: fume :mad:
Took a little nap in the backseat of my car during my lunch break - looks like that’s going to be the high point of the day.
Good luck!