At least once a week my co-worker starts this…
Him- Hey, what’s the, uhm, you know. What’s the password?
Me- I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Him- The password. You know, the password?
Me- To the database or the order forms?
Him- The one that’s like ‘http’ something.
Me- Are you looking for a password or a web site?
Him- The, uhm. What’s the password to the thing?
Me- Tell me what you’re trying to do.
Him- Last week when we… last week on the thing…
Every. Damn. Week.
I would like to volunteer my Merriam-Webster’s Encyclopedic Dictionary: 10lb hardcover, baby! It’s a bit banged up because I once threw it at my grandfather for entering my room without knocking when I was changing clothes, but you should have seen the dent in the door (Gramps had good reflexes, more’s the pity).
Dear “security” people:
last october, you “reviewed access profiles”. The people in my team lost all our transactions from a certain group. We asked for them back. You replied “provide screenshots with specific error”. We asked, “all of them? It’s a ton.” You replied “provide screenshots with specific error.” I spent a whole day taking screenies, zipped them (maybe I should have attached them individually), and provided them. You said “but that’s a ton!.. oh. Oh, you’re not authorized for that work” We attached instructions from TPTB to perform that work. You said “ok, asking TPTB whether you should be able to do this…” TPTB said “yes, of course”. We got our access back.
Now you have changed everybody’s username, adding a letter to it. Apparently having one-letter-longer usernames is safer. Aaaah. You wrote informing us of this and saying that we’d have the same accesses, since the new user assignments are exact copies of the old ones.
The first time I used my new username, guess what? Yep, those exact same accesses were blocked. So, I told my coworkers to verify theirs (yep, MIA). Opened a ticket. You answered “the accesses are the same. If additional access is needed, provide screenshot with specific error.” I screenshotted and attached proof that there are missing accesses. You wrote back “you used to have a different kind of access, not acceptable any more”. I’ve emailed TPTB to either get these tasks off us or get on your case, but… I know where you sit. I know where you eat. And so help me Og, you’re giving me visions of adding ground glass to your lentil soup! Go organize raspberry hunter’s house and let the rest of us do our jobs, you anally-brained throwbacks!
Yeah, I’ve got a rant.
I initially started this thread asking for advice on it.
About a year and a half ago, a new VP position was created to oversee my department (supply chain management). My boss, the Senior Director, interviewed for it but didn’t get it. Instead, they hired some jackhole (herein referred to as “Jackhole”) from St. Louis.
Jackhole’s first step was to split our department up into three separate and highly ineffectual entities. He then hired two new directors (buddies of his from St. Louis) to head up the two new departments. A whole new set of policies and procedures were created for the departments to interact with each other, something which was going along just fine when we were one department.
Jackhole then essentially demoted everyone, if not by title, then by responsibility. Under pressure from senior management to produce new cost savings, he doubled or tripled everyone’s workload by creating meaningless new committees (with weekly meetings) and meaningless new assignments such as business reviews and a “road map to savings” for each contracts manager. All of it was basically smoke and mirrors to make it look like he was actually producing something. He took credit for any and all ideas or work our department had done.
Next thing he does is delegate all personnel matters from the original directors to his administrative assistant. All timesheets, requests for leave, etc. had to be approved by her. And trust me, she was no peach herself. Micromanagement galore.
Finally, Jackhole pulls his supremely dickish trump card: He fires our Senior Director with no notice. A man who is universally loved by his team. He put 11 years into our supply chain and never took credit for himself. He’s received awards and accolades nationwide for his management skills. I recently had lunch with him and he told me there was absolutely no motive for his termination other than that he was in the way. Jackhole promoted one of the contracts managers to Acting Director. She makes no decisions herself and defers everything to him. She’s a puppet. She wasted no time moving her office to the Sr. Director’s comfortable corner office, settling herself in before his seat got cold.
Finally, I request some flexibility in my work schedule so I can attend a class. He says no. I’m not the most vital person in our department, but he wants me around “just in case” he needs me for something, which is never. I have to reevaluate my coursework plan and wait a year to take one of my courses because this piss-stain loves control and making people feel uncomfortable.
People are going to be quitting in droves soon.
My officemate just got up and left.
I strongly suspect that I am currently sitting in the waft of his fart cloud.
My cube mate did a sneak, from behind, hug to me this morning. It scared the shit outta me! WTF, who HUGS their coworkers?
Yeah, I would hate that, bad enough that they want to talk to you in the first place!
I would also hate that. I barely hug family; co-workers are definitely not on my huglist.
Well, I’m back at work for another three weeks now. It turns out they didn’t just ditch me because of my safety complaint; they’re not actually malevolent, just incompetent (as in, they didn’t know they were busy enough to keep me around for a while longer). Sheesh.
My two favorite experiences today:
1.) I’ve been trying to get a project set up for about three weeks now. The guy whose job it is to set up the project initially took about two weeks, then kicked it back because the contract with the client had expired. I responded to tell him that the new one is in the works, and we’re using the old one for the time being. He checked with somebody else, and I waited for a response. Finally today, I have the guy who needs the project asking where it is, so I follow up with the guy who’s supposed to be setting it up, and surprise! he doesn’t have shit for me. Because, guess what, he forgot to actually email the guy he was asking for approval to function under the old contract. What makes it especially hilarious is that he has no problem going forward with the project as long as we delete a single sentence about anything not covered in the Statement of Work being covered by our existing contract. W. T. F. IIRC we have hundreds of thousands in work that’s been approved for this client since the contract officially expired, and not once has anything else gotten kicked back.
2.) Sat in on a call today for a new system for arranging video conferences. First off, this shit was riveting: the presenter literally read word-for-word off her PPT deck, which she didn’t even put into slideshow view. But the real gem was one of the other call participants.
Participant: A team in our office works on launching projects with a team in Mumbai. We’d like to be able to do live day videoconferences with them from a training room.
Presenter: Well, none of the training rooms at your location currently have video conferencing units. If you’d like, I could submit that as a suggestion to be considered for future installations.
Participant: So, uh, that means I put “Training Room” as the requested space for my videoconferences, right?
Presenter: No, there are no videoconferencing units in the training rooms. It’s not mobile equipment. [She tactfully refrained from adding, “you retarded bitch.”]
My office hugs, but not on a regular basis. Mainly when we’re on the way home after drinking together, around the holidays, or when someone’s out the door after getting laid off.
Goddamn, but I hate when people read from their PowerPoints. I can READ, you git. I’m counting on you as the presenter to PRESENT something beyond your PowerPoint!
(My boss does this all the time. In addition to wanting each slide filled to the fucking gills with text.)
Okay, this is the weirdest company I’ve worked for so far. Today (when I was back at work, after being told not to come in last week), things were going along as usual when one of my co-workers who had been there for four years (and was one of the few actually doing his job) was…let’s say let go, since I don’t know if he was fired or if he quit. He had a meeting with the boss, and the next thing I knew the boss was packing his desk up and we didn’t see co-worker again.
Then I was called into the boss’ office - “We let Steve go, so since you’re here already, we’d like you to fill in for him for the next three or four weeks.” Uh, no thanks. You people are confused and playing some kind of game that I will put up with for the next three or four weeks on a part-time basis, but I have no interest in solving your problems with staff. Maybe if you got the three members of the smoking clique to spend a little time working instead of smoking and talking, you’d get a whole lot more done.
Does anyone else understand what went on here? I’m just scratching my head. Oh, one more note - Steve had complained to HR about the smoking clique and how it was interfering with his work (they were talking and laughing feet away from him as he was trying to talk to customers on the phone).
To quote the illustrious elucidator: “Connect the dot.”
Believe it or not, it can actually be worse.
“As you can see here. Umm. Ahh. Revenue rose 12% in the last quarter. Umm. Ahh. While expenses decreased 3%. Umm. Ahh. Umm. Ahh. We are very happy with. Umm. Ahh. The efforts of our associates. Umm. Ahh. And look forward. Umm. Ahh. To continued prosperity. Umm. Ahh. Despite the current economic conditions. Umm. Ahh.”
He’s the frickin CEO and the meeting is mandatory. Shoot me now. Umm. Ahh.
I once worked at a company where that was required behavior for internal training, both the overfilled slides (no pics anywhere, all text, and of course everything in corporate colors) and the reading them exactly. Just send me the ppts and I’ll read them, kthxbye! (Actually, it would be much appreciated if you’d use docs instead and insert any related tables(1), but yeah, we realized that was too much to ask)
1: We spent one whole week being trained on how to prepare and publish company documents; there were these codes we had to use. When we asked for a list of the codes, the trainer (the company’s “head librarian”, so to speak) said “oh, there’s so many codes that we don’t bother keep a list”.
But…but…that’s just WRONG. Are you saying that this looks like a company who punishes anyone who dares to speak up about negative things going on, but people who smoke and talk and laugh instead of working are encouraged to keep on doing so? Because I have to regretfully agree. 
Jesus Christ, lady - there’s a very, very good reason I call you busybody. And you’ve demonstrated it admirably over the last two days. You don’t need to which doctor I’m visiting and why. You also don’t need to know why I’m having a follow up today. My personal life is none of your business.
I’m in a lot of pain and am not a happy person right now. Plus, our boss just dumped more work on me - work that is really your responsibility as supervisor of a call center (can you say call center staffing recommendations and training plan?), but that you can’t complete because you’re too focused on trying to do my job for me instead of your own.
And it should come as no surprise to you that we haven’t done any marketing in January. I seem to recall that you were the one to insist that all our materials had to be pulled last week while they were at the printer because you disagreed with technicalities. Tell me, do you not understand the difference between marketing and a technical manual?
You’re already endangering our ability to meet our sales goals. And being the bottleneck for implementing a referral program and executing the rest of our marketing plan isn’t going to improve that. By the way, doesn’t your bonus hinge on you making your goal this year, or am I mistaken?
Urgh. I may just need to smack you.
The glories of corporate life. Sigh.
Oooooh, is there some way you can subtly sabotage her?
It doesn’t sound like she needs to - Busybody is doing fine by herself. 
Unless she smokes.
Does it occur to anyone in corporate to send out an email tonight saying that offices will be closed tomorrow? After the inch of ice and during the 12-24" of snow? No. No, because they’re dumb selfish fuckers.
Our state legislators have determined that no state employee, including those with college degrees, should make more than any public sector part-time fast-food workers. $8/hr is good enough for us, even if we have a master’s or PhD. They, however, are one of the highest-paid state legistlatures in the country, because you need high salaries to draw good legislators, don’t you know. And a full pension and benefits for life after one term, while publicly moaning about how much state employee retirements cost.
So now we have a record snowstorm. Most of the schools in the southern half of the state are closed, as well as major universities, county and municipal offices, county courts and manufacturing plants. The Legislature cancelled its Wed and Thurs sessions and went home. Too dangerous to drive to work! But those state employees? Fuck 'em, they can go. No state offices closed, all state employees expected to report to work. Hypocritical, greedy, narcissistic, arrogant self-righteous bastards.