One week ago, my literally-half-my-age manager pulled me aside for a “conversation”. He wanted to know if I had a problem with him being my boss (I don’t). But he just had to say, “I know you have more experience than me.” And in my brain I’m thinking, “No shit? I already had more experience than you do now before you were even fucking born!” (Seriously, I started in my line of work in 1983, and he was born in 1991.)
This was the day after I overslept and was late for work. The first time I have ever been late to work at this job (I’ve been here for 18 months, haven’t missed a single day of work for any reason, and have, in fact, pulled WAY more than my share of shifts), and honestly the first time I’ve overslept and been late in close to 15 years. I practically worship at the altar of the gods of punctuality and dependability.
So what did he do? He wrote me up for being late. And then decided to tack on a bunch of bullshit about “disrespect” and “bad attitude” and “underminding” [sic] him. All complete bullshit. He knows that I show up every day, anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes early, and I work off-the-clock for that time. (Meanwhile, on my days off when he works the same shift, he doesn’t show up until 30 minutes after the “official” starting time [which starting time he spelled out in my writeup].) He knows that I spend my own money to buy necessary items that the company “budget” won’t let him buy. He knows that I leave my own personal tools at work for him and our coworkers to use because the company-provided tools are worthless junk.
Being half my age and having less than 1/4 of my experience, he doesn’t understand one simple fact: At my age, and with my years of experience, this job/career isn’t what I “do”. This job/career is what I “AM”. He’s fucking 24 years old and has all sorts of options and life ahead of him. I’m almost 49, and I’ve been doing what I do since I was 17, and I’m rooted in what I do. Because I love doing it, and I’m damned good at it. And the entire focus of what I do is on satisfying my customers.
Some backstory might shed some light on the problem here (I suspect I’ve probably already told this story earlier in the thread, but damned if I’m going to go back and dig through several months worth of posts to look for it).
My current manager is my fourth manager in 18 months at this job. The manager who hired me, Tim, was a guy I’d known since … 1988? And I’d worked with him at my previous job, and had worked under him at another job in 1989 or so. So I basically just walked into this job. Tim got fired, for reasons that were obvious to me, and Bob was hired to replace him. After only 2 months, our corporate overlords decided that they hated Bob (I loved him) and fired him. Corporate didn’t realize that the #3 person in our 3-person department was Bob’s daughter, who naturally left with him, leaving me to run the department all by myself. I ran the whole department, with no management training, for 24 days. Was I offered the manager job? No. I didn’t even ask for it, because I knew that the official requirements for the position required a degree that I don’t have.
So Miguel was eventually hired as my third manager, and I got a couple days off. I liked Miguel; he was three years younger than me, but he had that degree, and he was damned good at the job. But, after seven months, he put in his notice, citing either/or family reasons/new job/whatever. But before he left, he strongly encouraged me to apply for the manager job. I told him, “The job requires that degree, which I don’t have.” He said, “That’s because the company normally advertises outside. But they know you. You’ve been here all this time, and they know you and your experience. They’ll give you the job.”
Our Executive Director told me the same thing. Between Miguel and the ED, I was effectively being begged to apply for the promotion, and being assured by both of them that the job was mine. So, I applied. I went through the interview process, including a telephone interview with the corporate-level manager for my department. Then came the waiting.
And then came the day. The ED called me into her office … and told me that the job had gone to Isaac. The kid that Miguel hired as #3 less than two months previously. It took literally every ounce of self-control I had to not leap to my feet and shout, “WHAT THE FUCK?!” Seriously, between my manager and the ED, I was under the impression that I was literally the only candidate for the job. I had even checked Craigslist and verified that the company wasn’t advertising the job there (like they normally do). I honestly had no idea that there was another candidate, based on what I’d gotten from Miguel and the ED. The fuckers didn’t tell me.
The sad fact was that the decision was made at the corporate level, and it was completely political. I was hired by a manager who was fired for incompetence, and then worked under a manager whom they hated enough to fire him after only two months. But Isaac was hired by Miguel, who was their Golden Boy. The official reason given for Isaac’s selection over me was that Isaac had “managerial experience”. His “managerial experience” was a few months as a deck boss on an Alaskan fishing boat, which has jack shit to do with my industry.
But I don’t begrudge the kid. He didn’t do it on purpose to spite me. He saw an opportunity, and he took it. He simply had an opportunity, early in his career, that didn’t present itself to me until late in mine. If I have a grudge against anybody, it would be my previous manager and the ED who, right up until the last moment, kept telling me the job was mine.
But, when I found out that Isaac got the job, I promised, in all sincerity, that I would do my best to support him. Because, ultimately, as I mentioned earlier, my goal is to satisfy my customers. And my customers are satisfied with my work. I’ve received numerous comments from them that I am, in fact, the best damned cook in this place. And Isaac doesn’t know this, but my favorite customer here in the retirement home, a woman who will turn 100 years old in a few months, always comes into the kitchen around 6:00AM, and tells me that I’m the only cook she’s seen here who is always here at 6:00. And Isaac doesn’t know that I am one of the main reasons that this lady moved back in after moving out a few months ago (she was dissatisfied with other aspects of the place, and moved to a different retirement home, then came back here once she remembered how good my cooking was. And she brought other customers with her from that other place.)
But the kid is insecure. In my writeup, he accused me of being unwilling to take direction. What “direction”? I show the fuck up and I do my fucking job, and the customers are very happy. He hasn’t given me any “direction”. Unless he’s stated these “directions” so passively that I didn’t recognize them as “directions”. The same way I’ve had to come in in the morning and spend my first hour finishing the night crew’s (all those hot teenaged girls he hired) cleanup work before I was even able to start my own work, because his “direction” to them hasn’t resulted in them getting their damned work done (seriously, I’ve come in several times and have not been able to start my own work because every pot and pan I need is still sitting in the sink, dirty).
I’ve had a week to cogitate on this. I’m a “socially anxious” person, and I do not do well in confrontational situations where I have to “defend” myself on the spot. So I end up saying placating things, hoping to smooth things over. And when I was written up, my new ED acknowledged my attendance record and my anger at myself for oversleeping, and I think she knows what’s what. But, I need to talk to “this kid” (and I realize it would be advatageous to stop thinking of him as “this kid”).
So I want to put it in terms he might understand:
“Dude, I know you didn’t do it on purpose, but, basically, you cockblocked me.”
