Thanks, kaylasdad! I’m cackling wickedly to myself.
Note to self: opening the fridge at work, sighing, and staring longingly, hoping something tasty will magically appear out of thin air … does not work any better at the office than it does at home.
Ours has a scented air freshener attached to the wall that sprays you in the face if you walk by it at the wrong time.
Oh, yeah, I hate that type of thing. You’re not even involved! You went above and beyond! It’s HER THING. And she’s too lazy and self centered to put even an inch of effort into it.
Gem of the morning today was listening to two of the researchers adamantly and gleefully agreeing that gay marriage was a sin and that liberals are stupid and immoral.
One of said researchers identified herself as a liberal until about two months ago when she met her current boyfriend. You know, the one she was sleeping with while she was still married to her husband. Apparently her current boyfriend helped her get “back on the path to God” and makes her feel like a “good mom.” Which I imagine is very important given that her son was arrested on felony charges while working as a bouncer at a strip club - he recently dropped out of high school, so he couldn’t get anything better.
Don’t know why, but I find this hysterical. Everytime I picture it, I have to laugh.
I do admit I laughed when it happened to a coworker I dislike - apparently it got her directly in the mouth as she was talking. 
(Which teaches us all the important lesson of not talking in the bathroom in the first place.)
!!! I shall be installing one of those above every urinal at work, tout de suite!
I work with lots of Aspergers-lite engineers who keep following you into the bathroom so they can keep telling you about their latest pressure relief valve calculations. Picture it:
Aspergers-lite: “blahblah pool fire blahblah fire codes”
psssht
me: snicker.
It never fails to weird me out that people like her are convinced that people like me are the reason this country’s going to hell, while I’m equally convinced of the same about her…
Morality is a moving target…
Geez lady, I wasn’t aware the customer service department was so full of cutthroat competition. I’m really sorry you can’t wrap your little head around the fact that in my department (engineering) we actually manage to work together. My coworker did not, as you so bluntly put it to me, “do all the work” on that job. He ensured that the correct parts were ordered – which involved a hellish amount of research into custom-made, discontinued parts with poor documentation – but now I get to write the reports and test procedures. I sure as hell don’t appreciate you telling me that this process will be “a breeze, since all that work is done for you”. This coworker even tracked down his notes for me, and said he would be glad to review the finished reports and procedures (standard policy). But by all means, feel free to go to my supervisor and ask him (as you asked me) why he assigned this to me. :rolleyes:
I note that Sattua has not logged in since the 18th. Maybe she’s having the baby?
If she is her husband clearly didn’t get the “update the Dope” message.
I was wondering about that, too.
No kidding, eh? Call mom, call other mom, update the Dope. Sheesh.
I’ve gone back to working Wednesdays and Thursdays again, starting this week, as agreed upon by me and my supervisor last week. The first thing I heard when I got in this morning was, “Where were you yesterday? Scott was looking for you!” Well, that’s because Scott is stupid and incompetent, as he has amply demonstrated already.
Then we had the guy climbing on top of the 20 foot shelving units today - dude, everything on the shelves in the warehouse is on a pallet for a reason - get the forklift guy to bring it down for you instead of you climbing over the top of the mobile stairs and climbing onto the shelves and endangering your LIFE! I seriously don’t want to see someone fall to their death in front of me.
God damn CRM software!
It was updated a few days ago, and everybody is having trouble with it, not just my older colleague who seems to take a perverse pleasure in blaming the computer for her inability to follow instructions.
90% of the entries in the Town/City field are being flagged as errors, despite them being towns in the drop down menu. Before we do anything in any record, we first have to faff around moving addresses into different fields.
Before our notes show up on exported contact sheets, we have to change a setting which previously didn’t exist; we found that out the hard way.
Two of my databases weren’t converted to the new version, so I’ve had to find other work to do while our IT guy sorts those out.
Despite a RAM upgrade at the same time, it’s still a lot slower than the old version.
I don’t want to be That Guy, but I want the old version back, and I doubt I’m alone 
Do you work here? looks around suspiciously
My client recently “upgraded” its Customer Database (don’t ask me why they have that as a separate program which then has to interface with the Manage Most Things Database), to add checks for fields such as “ZIP Code”, “Telephone” or “Tax ID Code”.
The checks expect every one of those to follow Spanish structures :smack: No, geniuses, ZIP Codes in Argentina are not the same length as Spanish ones and VAT Codes for Italy do not include the letters “ES”! Either the checks or something else they did has slowed everything down, leading to much hairpulling among people who can now type in one field… go get a cup of coffee… come back… and see the little hourglass still twirling away.
My team can’t load our Sales data because of that. We’re supposed to be rolling out on the 1st. The question, once more, becomes “of what month?”
No, I am not at work “all the time.” I do not spend the night here. I am here eight hours a day, five days a week. I just happen to work the morning shift. If you come down in the afternoon, you will see a different person here. If you come down at night, yet another person will be here. If you come down here on my days off, yet a third person will be here.
Coming down to the lobby at 8:00 in the morning every morning for a week and always, *always *saying “Wow, you must be here all the time!” gets old the first time you say it. Stop it.
1.) Lady in HR: Yes, I’m sure you’re very sorry that you didn’t get back to me until just now. Funny how you managed to overlook *both *of my previous attempts to contact you… until this morning, when I said I’d be looping in your manager if I didn’t hear from you. :rolleyes:
2.) Coworker: Sometimes, you print things for your kid’s soccer league on our color printer. This wouldn’t be a problem, except that whoever makes these documents is a moron who appears to be using a template for everything that has a paper size setting of 16K. I have no idea what this is–I can’t even find it in the Wikipedia list of standard paper sizes, but Google suggests it may be some obscure Asian size. It’s measured in millimeters, anyway. I’ve told you *repeatedly *that this is a problem. Please either learn to check the settings yourself, or send the documents to me so I can do it. Because otherwise they hold up *every other document *(you know, the actual work-related shit) that goes to that printer; and I sometimes find out about them (as this morning) only when I’ve loaded some 11x17 into the bypass tray and it sucks that up, wasting the paper.
3.) Sub-rant of #2: When I told you the documents were stuck in queue, you had no clue what I was talking about–or at least claimed not to. So, either you’re *lying *to me, or these documents were *so unimportant *that you didn’t even remember printing them. If the former, stop it; if the latter, why the fuck are you even printing them to begin with?
I hope so!
Well, an accident would mean that you wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore…
Does anybody have a CRM system they like? Anybody?
Most people think they’re much more clever and original than they actually are.
** looks around at co-workers **
You people are leaving for lunch already?
** finishes nibbling on breakfast **
Do YOU work here??!? ** looks around even more suspiciously **
I think **Cat Whisperer **doesn’t want to have to clean up the blood and goo, or fill out the forms, or take the inevitable “how to prevent the horse from falling out of the barn again” training that would result.
When is Lent going to end? I need a drink, and a big ole piece of grilled cow onna plate.
So have one.
I gave up self-denial, myself. 