Workplace vs Friendship: Insight requested

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I have worked closely with a very dear friend for just over a year now. She got me the job, and trained me. Until recent months, we were a crackerjack team. She helps me, I help her, fair’s fair.

Her job in particular is a high-volume, highly stressful position. In the past two or three months, I have been aware that her health is not up to the job, and that her performance and her attitude were deteriorating. She’s gotten into a vicious cycle of stress making her sick; and illness stressing her out. I compensated, without too much fuss, because that’s what friends do. Privately, since I was aware that her health was getting worse, I have been suggesting to her that she might consider a less stressful job. She wasn’t so big on that suggestion.

A few weeks ago, she caught the flu, and was away from the office a few days. The office manager was helping out with the workload, and found a number of fairly serious errors which I hadn’t yet found or corrected, and sat me down for a little “chat” about this compensating thing. Now my friend’s job is on the line, and I feel responsible.

For a two-week trial period, she has switched jobs with another woman in the office, who is furious about the switch. Most people in the office are less than thrilled about the change, and my friend is feeling persecuted. She told me over the weekend that she is getting legal advice.

The office manager sat down with me today to ask my opinion on the whole situation. I told her the job switch wasn’t working (I am carrying the ball for Furious Lady and for myself), and that if they were uncomfortable putting my friend back into her old position, they should switch her with me, as I knew her job as well as she did. The office manager’s response? Well, Sinshine, I’m glad you said that. Can you take this job over once we have decided what to do about Friend?

I am sick with worry over this whole scenario. On the one hand, I have been carrying my friend for far too long, and talking to her about it ceased to be effective. On the other hand, her job is on the line, and my attempts to pour oil on troubled water have gotten me a new job - one that I’m not crazy about.

So, if you have some insight into this, please share it. If you need to unload some workplace grief, that’s okay too.

2

I don’t understand why you feel responsible for your friend’s shortcomings. If she can’t do the job, and is making errors, you need to make this known to your supervisors. Period. It’s not your fault if she can’t do it.

You have to separate friendship and work. I would fully expect to have the same thing happen to me.

Re: your friend ‘getting you’ the job: She may have got you in the door, but you cinched it in the interview, you have kept the job by your performance at work. Stop being so rough on yourself.

3

From your second paragraph, the base problem appears to be her health. So why not suggest the company let her take some significant time off to get better?

4

Your friend helped get you an interview with this company. So in a way she did help you get a job, but she didn’t get the job for you. I’d say that right about now this friendship is about to end. You took the friend’s job, it’s that simple. Maybe there’s a lesson to be learned here. First, when working with a friend, you do your job and let her do her job. If she asks you for help fine, but don’t volunteer and don’t stick your nose in her work. You definitely should have separated friendship from work. It’s two different worlds. I have plenty of excellent friends that I work side by side with but I don’t get in their job. You have made it your business to help end her employment by telling her supervisor that she wasn’t capable to doing the work. In other words, geesh, I hope I don’t have friends like you.

5

In response to the belief that my friend got me the interview and not the job, let me clarify.

I was temping at the time. I did not interview for the job. She called the agency, and arranged for my permanent employment with her firm. I did not apply for the job or interview for the job. It was given to me, based on her efforts. I learned about this when my supervisor at the agency called me to advise that I would be starting a permanent full-time position the following morning. My first meeting with anyone in a supervisory position at this firm took place after I had worked three hours.

Secondly, in regards to my having compensated for her abilities, she asked me to keep an eye open for errors resulting from her dyslexia. We had an informal understanding regarding how far this would go. My error seems to have been in not enforcing the boundaries with her. I accept responsibility for that.

qts, you are correct, a major factor in this regard has been her health. I felt that any suggestions such as a leave of absence ought to come from her, and spoke to her about it several times. Unfortunately, while the situation still appeared to be tenable, she was highly resistant to any such suggestions that she might not me keeping up. I left the subject alone at her request, and at her request, did not suggest it to our employers, until I was told she’s running out of time there. They weren’t interested, now that the damage is done.

Ultress, please refer to my second paragraph here. I was providing help as requested. I was not “sticking my nose into her job.” Otherwise, I would have asked the company to put her on leave long ago, when I realized her health was falling apart, regardless of her wishes. And please, re-read the OP carefully prior to accusing me of DELIBERATELY sabotaging her job. The office manager found errors BEFORE I did. The office manager was annoyed with me for correcting those errors I do find; our conversation in no way consisted of my torpedoing my friend behind her back. The office manager did recognise that my intent was not to create problems, but to eliminate them.

**Ginger/b], germane as ever. Thank you.

6

I must have misunderstood the intent of your thread. I thought you were asking for opinions. It was just amazing at the speed in which you volunteered the fact that you could do your friend’s job as good as she could when the supervisor asked. Unless there are additional facts that you forgot to put in. At any rate, you have a new job and your friend has none. What did your friend do before you were hired? Who corrected her mistakes then? All in all, guess that’s water under the bridge and in the past. Congratulations on your new position, I think you ‘earned’ it. I was just giving you the view from where your friend is probably looking.