In just 2 short weeks, I am going to be a father for the first time. This prospect has me excited, nervous, and scared all at the same time.
I am excited, because I have always wanted to be a father. I feel that I can pass on the knowledge that I have, and steer my children away from mistakes I may have made, all in the hope of making a better citizen of the world than I have been so far.
I am nervous, because I know the mistakes my father made, and I am afraid of repeating those mistakes. I am also nervous because I will now be responsible for another life, and not one I can pass back to it’s mother of father after babysitting for a few hours. Everything I do, will be seen, and I don’t want to mess up.
Finally, I am scared. Not because I am about to become a father, but what the complications are for my wife. She has an abnormally low platelet level. This in itself isn’t too worrisome, but it impact the ability of blood to clot. During childbirth, this is important. The biggest fear right now, is my wife will hemmorage to death during labour, or shortly thereafter. The scary part, is our obstetrician has expressed that concern as well. I’ll find out more today, when we see the hematologist. But now my biggest fear is losing the woman I love, while she gives birth to our child.
Scared is good, but don’t forget to be excited too. Being a parent is an incredible combination of panic, joy and frustration that nothing else comes close to.
…and be sure to take plenty of pictures. Don’t stop taking them when they’re no longer babies, either.
Spend time with your child. Play with him/her.This will make them feel good, & it shall also make you feel good. The Child’s most treasured memories are the rare occasions when a parent plays with them. Those moments will be your treasured memories, too.
Read to the child. This will give the child an educational head start, create a positive view of literacy in the kid’s mind, & be a warm & wondeful moment fopr you both.
Father nervous? Check.
Parents excited? Check.
Bags packed? Check.
Doctors aware of any unusual medical conditions? Check.
Xayoz306, sounds like you’re right in the groove here. It’s normal to be excited, nervous, and all of that. When we found out that Missus Coder was pregnant, I felt like I did the first time going down The Big Slide on the kindergarten playground. It looks dangerous, it’s gonna be great, and there’s no going back! Your doctors are aware of your wife’s platelet level, and are surely planning what to do about it, just in case. You should just be happy, and be ready to bring a little bundle of joy into your world.
Now matter how good your intentions, you will tend to fall back on what you experienced yourself unless you have something to replace it with. You need to understand how babies work or they can be very frustrating.
I would recommend Dr. Sears as a good source. Desmond Morris’ book “Baby Watching” offers some good insights as well. The “What to Expect . . .” books are OK. They go from conception to at least age 5. They are essentially a long heads up as to what to expect and in generally what order.
You need to be able to understand how your child will develop over time and be prepared for changes in advance. If you get surprised it is also more likely that you will revert to the way you were treated.
I’m a new parent, so you don’t have to listen to me, but…
Don’t worry about being perfect. If you skip reading to him one day and just cuddle instead, cool. If he lies on the floor all day in his pajamas, playing with his toys, that’s fine. If breastfeeding just doesn’t work out and he prefers formula, do what works for you. It’s hard sometimes not to get caught up in the “raising the perfect child” ideal set out in a lot of books.
As long as he’s safe and you all are laughing together, you’re doing a good job.
Good luck and congratulations!
(BTW, I had a high risk pregnancy and an interesting delivery and my husband had the same fears you do. He sort of felt bad because he really didn’t feel any connection with our baby until we got him home and had him around for a few weeks. He’s talked to other fathers who went through the same feelings. If you do, too, know that it’s normal.)
This seems to be the biggest part of your post. I know you are excited, but my sense from these words is that this is at the top of your list of worries. And this post is anything but mundane.
My wife and I are currently trying to get pregnant. We are excited and scared for a multitudinous of reasons.
I understand your fear of losing your wife. My love for my own wife is at the top of my life, a driving force, the driving force in actuality. I could not imagine my life without her and the very thought and this writing have my feeling a bit of pain.
My advice would be to talk to her about your fears, let her know yet again how much you love her. And in the end (or begining as it is here) Continue to love your wife with all of your heart, that energy in itself will help guide and steer the raising of your first born. Good Luck and Congratulations!
I hope everything works out for the best and that your wife and child come through this well.
I hate to say this but since there is a very real risk of your wife being out of commission for a little while if things go bad, you’ll need to prepare yourself for being the primary caregiver for the child for at least a few days. Have you said anything to your employer yet? Have you asked any members of your or your wife’s family if they would be available to help you so you’d be able to be there for your wife?
Even if things go well, given her condition, your wife may not be able to function at home alone with a newborn for a few days without some help. Can you stay home from work? Will any family or friends be available?
I really really hate to say this and probably the two of you have thought about it but have you and your wife gotten anything together in the event that the worst happens? Are you the beneficiary on her life insurance? Do you have health insurance coverage that the child could be covered under? Is her will (and yours) written?
Please, I know that these are horrible things to have to think about at what should be nothing but a joyous occasion. My motto is “plan for the worst, hope for the best.” I hope I haven’t offended you.
Seconding what everyone else has said, but especially C3. When your child is old enough to fly the coop, you want more to look back on than was the house clean and did you spend enough time at the office.
You mentioned being afraid you’ll make the same mistakes your father did. You may very well make some of the same ones, but not the ones you think you will. The ones you are well aware of you probably won’t repeat. However, you will make new mistakes that are completely your own. Don’t worry about it. Parenthood is the one job at which all are amateurs. The child won’t know any better – you’ll be the best dad he/she ever had. Short of actual abuse (which sure doesn’t sound like it will be anything you’ll ever do), your child will know you love him/her and will love you anyway.
Most important, don’t worry about whether anybody else thinks you’re a “success” or not as a parent.
My wife’s platelets became extremely low when she gave birth to our twin girls almost a year ago. It came on so suddenly I had no time to get myself worked up about it. To make a long story short they kept her in the recovery room for a couple of extra days and watched her like a hawk until her platelets recovered.
It almost seems like doctors are required to take you through the worst case scenario. With us, one of the vessels of one our girls’ umbilical cords wasn’t showing up on sonogram in addition to them not being able to get a clear picture of all the chambers of the heart so the picture they painted was that her heart might not be developing correctly due to the vessel problem and this could be a problem blah blah blah may have to terminate the pregnany. We were devastated. During the next week further tests revealed everything was OK but that was awful. They give you percentages but they’re meaningless.
Enjoy your child’s infancy. When people say it goes by so fast they’re not kidding!