Due to extremely complicated and entirely contrived circumstances I’m too lazy to type out, the Earth is in danger of destruction, and it’s up to you to save it. Prophecy and all that shit. You’ll be leading a team of eight on this quest; this will include folks like She-Hulk, Angus MacGuyver, Parker from Leverage, Dr. Johnny Fever, and so on – but for complicated and contrived reasons I am also to lazy to expand upon, one of your companions must be either Deanna Troi or Movie!Legolas, and you are not allowed to murder, gag, sedate, murder, abandon to be eaten by wolves or murder either one, no matter how much stupidly obvious crap they spout. In fact, whichever you choose will be spending a lot of the down time sitting beside you at dinner.
Whom do you choose as your final companion, and why? Put another way, who’s more annoying, the Betazoid or the Elf?
I pretty much AM Deanna Troi, so I’ve got to go with the elf. At least he’s my preferred gender of eye candy, and he does have actual useful skills, like, excellent eyesight and, um, give me a minute…how much snowboarding is this mission going to call for?
Parker and She Hulk are already there for my sexual needs, so I’ll bring the Elf. Troi can watch from afar and text us to say she feels hostility. Legolas can shoot us down some dinner, too.
Legolas is only annoying on a meta-level. All the ridiculous stunts like surfing on a shield while shooting orcs, or single handedly killing one of the oliphaunts, annoys me as a movie viewer, because it breaks my suspension of disbelief. But if I were a character in the movie, I’d be all in favor of him being stupidly effective at killing bad guys.
Deanna Troi is annoying in universe. “Captain, I’m sensing that the aliens who just blew up our starboard nacelle are hostile!” Thanks, Troi! I think we all picked up on that! Why don’t you head on down to engineering and stuff yourself into a torpedo tube while the people who know how to do useful things handle the situation?
You know you’re special to me. I have deposited $785,854,471.12 cents in your account, and comfortbots only cost $2000 an hour. The catalog will be in your teleport pad as soon as you turn it back on.
(You DO keep the teleport pad off except when expecting packages, right? Because bombs and shit.)
Legolas is cool. He would have a seemingly endless supply of tales of valor and elvish lore.
If I wanted to spend time with Troi I would just borrow a copy of Barclay’s holographic Troi.
Legolas was not in the Hobbit cartoon from the 90s. If you’re talking about the live-action movies directed by Peter Jackson
:: pauses to ritually spit ::
I’m sure we can all agree that those movies were all a mass hallucination brought on by too much mustard before bedtime. A shared nightmare sent by Mephistopheles to break our spirits, causing us all to despair of God’s goodness and in so doing damn ourselves to Hell. In short, no such movies were ever made.
I’m a fucking [del]black[/del] er, “Grey” Sorcerer. If I have She-Hulk, Legolas, Johnny Fever and a few others, what skills does she legitimately bring to the table that I can’t get from myself or the rest of the team?
