Holy shit, I saw the Rifftrax of this one last night. I’m not sure if it counts as a Christmas movie, but it’s definitely one of the worst I’ve ever seen. It’s right up there with Manos: The Hands of Fate, in terms of badness. I actually started to laugh uncontrollably when I saw the Ice Cream Bunny driving the fire truck, that was a serious wtf moment.
I didn’t see the whole thing, but The Search for Santa Paws (apparently a sequel to Santa Buddies, though I don’t know anything about that one) might be in the running here.
The part I saw had to do with a little girl who is stuck in an orphanage in New York city run by a mean, cruel woman who seems to hate children. I don’t know if they explain why someone who hates children would decide to run an orphanage, but she does. She doesn’t allow the kids to have toys, let alone celebrate Christmas. In fact, she catches one girl with a doll, and forces her to watch as she throws it into the incinerator, actually laughing as she does so. The incenerator has an implausibly long conveyor belt that the doll slowly and supposedly dramatically travels down before plunging to its fiery doom.
Meanwile, at the North Pole (via an awkward and confusing edit), Santa Claus is feeling down for some reason or another. He’s having trouble getting into the Christmas spirit this year, so the elves decide to cheer him up by making a toy dog and bringing him to life with elf magic, and give him to Santa as a gift. (I suppose it would have been too much trouble to just get him an actual dog.) The dog can talk, but only Santa can understand him.
So Santa decides to take his new pal on a trip to New York. While there, he has an encounter with Mean Orphanage Lady which causes him to be hit by a taxi and lose his memory. While unconscious, he gets robbed by a homeless guy who steals some magic amulet thingie that (I think) Santa needs to get back home. In all the confusion the dog gets lost and runs all over the city looking for Santa.
Oh, and there’s something about a couple who own a failing toy store. That’s about all I saw, so I don’t know how things turn out, except that I suspect Santa gets his memory back, the dog finds the amulet, the toy store is saved, Mean Orphanage Lady’s heart somehow grows three sizes, and everybody has a Merry Christmas after all.
That, or the defective incinerator burns the orphanage down and everybody dies.
Wow, there’s some bad movies up there.
I’m a peaceable guy, but if I ever meet Adam Sandler I’m gonna kick him HARD in the nads and say, “That was for 8 Crazy Nights, you dick!”
As well as Toys in Babeland.
I had to Google & believe it or not, it is NOT the title of a porno. It was the name of a chain of sex-shops, now just renamed Babeland. And it was the title of…
a 1967 episode of Bewitched.
I can’t believe nobody has nominated Elf.
Hate that movie, hate it, hate it.
Then again, I can’t stand Will Ferrell. He’s right up there with Jim Carrey.
Now’s your chance to enter the exciting field of porn movie production. With a name like that, what can possibly go wrong? And as a bonus, you don’t even have to hire any male porn actors. But budget for a lot of batteries!
What? No one has yet mentioned the Star Wars Christmas Special??
Happy Life Day everybody!
I came to say this one. But my primary beef is with the little dog who “sings” the Christmas Miracle song. It makes me want to rip my ears off.
***A Christmas Story. ***
Yeah, I know. I’m the only person on earth who thinks civilization would be better off if every copy of this movie was gathered up and shot into orbit. But still…there you go.
Well, it was actually titled the Holiday Special and it was released on November 17, close to Thanksgiving - so calling it a Christmas movie is a bit of a stretch.
It’s even more of a stretch, given that it was a television special.
The Night They Saved Christmas, because it has the worst child actor who was ever in anything.
But I can’t look anybody in the eye and say it’s worse than The Christmas Shoes, already mentioned.
Casablanca.
There is not Christmas in it at all.
I wouldn’t call him the worst child actor ever…he played the worst children ever, but that might be like William Atherton playing the worst assholes. 
Even though I also don’t like Will Ferrell, and had never seen Elf, it was on TV last week so I watched it for Zooey Deschanel. I actually surprised myself by enjoying it, and laughing out loud at Will Ferrell’s antics a few times.
I blame Jon Favreau.
Nothing wrong with that. And you never know…
Mercifully, it’s not available on DVD.
Beyond that, I nominate everything that’s been run on the Hallmark channel. It’s like they took a country-western song generator and changed the variables from dog, pickup truck and beer to son/daughter, divorce and eggnog. Endless days of the same trite worn-out story lines, tweaked just enough to be technically different from each other.
I have to nominate A Christmas Story. It’s a giant steaming pile of faux nostalgia.
It’s like someone took all the Christmas related 'Life in these United States" bits from Reader’s Digests and strung them together.
There is not a single authentic second in that movie.
How it can be anyone’s favorite anything is beyond me.
Bah humbug
I was amazed that people LOVED this movie as well. It is inconceivable. We are watching it tomorrow night to see if it really is that bad on a re-view without children present. We are trying to think up a drinking game to go along with it- we think that every time someone says, or insinuates, “at least I’m better off them they are” everyone takes a drink.