Well, I was going to say that it was the personal alarm that my aunt gave me when I was about 11, never went anywhere alone, and lived so far out in the country that I didn’t have to worry about rapists and muggers, and if I’d happened to run into one in the middle of BFE, Texas, the alarm wouldn’t have done much good, seeing as the only neighbors we had for a half mile on either side were cows…
Then, I was thinking it was the cheesy, dollar store Lord’s Prayer statue that my dad’s girlfriend/fiancee gave me. It was horrible; a scroll with the Lord’s Prayer painted on it and a little girl kneeling in prayer on top of that. I am not religious and she knew that, and I have a very strong suspicion that it was probably given in revenge for the gift I’d given her the year before.
After reading through all of these, though I remembered a really bad one.
History: My husband didn’t have a lot of contact with his dad until he was 19 or so. This was also the first year that we were dating and living together (I moved in right before christmas.) He’d gone with his dad to visit that side of the family, and came back with gifts. His grandma got both of us the exact same wooden jewelry box, with a glass heart on the top. Neither of us wear jewelry. His aunt got us both this really horrid designer imposter-type perfume/cologne. We got christmas gifts again from her this past year. I don’t remember what he got, but I got a little white box, commonly used to hold jewelry. I opened it up, and on the cotton insert, there were 3 bracelets, tied together with ribbon. The beaded bracelets like the ones that I made back in 6th grade or so- tiny seed beads strung on elastic bands. I think I ended up writing her a nice thank you note and then giving the bracelets to my 7 year old cousin.
My aunt (of the personal alarm fame) is notorious for giving bad gifts, though. She once gave my husband and brother a nice set of Craftsman screwdrivers at christmas, but then for my brother’s birthday, she gave him an old banged up rusted tool box to keep it all in. She’s a thrift shopper, and will tell you that “The only reason you got these was because they were on clearance!” She also buys in mass quantity, so once one person opens their gift from her, no one else needs to bother. The year before last, she gave all of the girls in the family one of those tiny backpacks, made of sewn together scraps of leather. It sounds like it could possibly look okay, but it really didn’t. That year was also the year of the nativity scene. John and I both got one. The same one. Like I said, we’re not religious, so one nativity scene is more than enough.
Last year was great, though. It was the first year that John and I were married. Earlier in the year, she’d asked me what I wanted. She sells candles, so I told her she could just give me one of the big jar candles that she sells and I’d be more than happy. Well, she also crochets these things (They’re like large, intricate doilies with words.), and I think every member of the famly has one now. My mom first got one that said “Welcome” (Because she’s divorced, and my aunt didn’t want to make her one in her married name.) and the next year, got one in her married name. Well, she asked me if John and I would like one of those. I told her that as much as I appreciated it, they just really aren’t our style (She also puts them in these bulky, aged wood-type frames), that everything we have framed in the house is in black frames and that the candle would be more than enough.
Well, on christmas, I open up a bag from her and find an envelope inside, with cut out letters, instructing me to put the letters together to spell out the gift. We tried and tried to put the letters together and came up with nothing until she came up and said “You still haven’t figured it out? Look at what your (other) aunt has.” I looked over and it was the big wooden frame with the crocheted name thing in it. We arranged the letters to spell out our last name, and she pulled our gift out. It was the name thing, stuck to a mat, with no frame. So now I have this country craft doily with our last name and I have to go out and pay to have it framed, because it’s such an odd shape. I appreciate the time and effort that went into it, but I’d appreciate a little bit of thought going into a gift too. Maybe I sound like a bitch for saying it, but if you’re not going to take into consideration what a person wants, why even ask? I asked her what she wanted from me for xmas, and took into consideration her answer and likes/dislikes and I think she’ll really like her gift. I did the same thing with her two kids. She gave me a dustbuster that can only be plugged into my car cigarette lighter, with the standard “I shouldn’t tell you how much it was, but it was only $10 because they were discontinuing the model!” My husband and I have so much useless stuff already, things that we thought would be helpful, but that just take up space. We told everyone this year to just get us gift cards to Target or Walmart so we can buy baby stuff because we don’t need anything for ourselves, but still have a bunch of essential baby items that we need to buy before February. Argh. At least if she ends up spilling Cheerios in the car (whenever she starts eating them, I guess) I’ll have a handy little vacuum to get them off the floor.
