My wife got the worst gift I have ever seen, from my mother - a fancy mop.
The sad part is, I don’t think my mother understood why my wife was not really thrilled to receive a mop from her mother-in-law. After all, my mother really liked that type of mop.
My wife was furious - she thought it was a commentary on what role she ought to play in our household (that is, mopping the floor). I had to convince her that my mom did not mean it that way - she just loved fancy household gagets, and assumed my wife would love them, too, and was a wee bit old-fashioned.
My father-in-law’s girlfriend, though wealthy, is the cheapest Christmas gifter (is that a word?) ever.
A few years ago she called me about a week before Christmas. “Would (Mrs. RickJay) like some pink drapes for Christmas?”
“No.” I say. “She hates pink, you know that. And it would match nothing in our home. We have no pink anywhere. Do not get that.”
Of course, come Christmas day, pink drapes. Except, they were used. They had been retrieved from an old apartment in a building she owned after the previous tenants moved out. They were absolutely filthy. The moment the box was opened, the stench of cigarettes, feet and curry wafted out. They had stains, runs and holes in them. She hadn’t even had them dry cleaned.
To Mrs. RickJay’s credit, she rejected the gift on the spot. “Sorry, we can’t use these.”
OMG! I thought I was the only one to receive a mop & kleenex from my MIL! You mean mine isn’t the only one that does this?!
Oh, and the same year as the mop & kleenex, I got a tire pressure gage & screwdriver from FIL…
I will admit that they do give nice gifts in addition to the bizzare and wierd ones.
Oh, and since people are mentioning other occasions, too, I should point out what Mrs. RickJay and I got from her Dad for our wedding:
Nothing.
He apparently forgot to buy anything, so at the reception when we were opening other people’s gifts, mumbled something about how he was going to make us a full suite of living room furniture (he’s a carpenter.) Not so much as a toothpick so far.
Gentle reader, spare some pity for the poor husband in this situation - it is his unenviable role to placate his wife when she gets a mop for Christmas.
I bet your husband had a certain amount of “I’ll make it up to you later, just smile and pretend you like it” - ing to do. I know I did.
Last year, my grandmother sent me a small clock. It was in the shape of a wolf. The face was scratched. The batteries were dead. The wolf’s ear was broken off. It looked as tattered and worn as I knew it was. I had seen it in her house before…if she’s going to send me garbage from her house, why cant she send me cool garbage? She has some cool stuff.
This year she sent me a container that had a small, cheap, plastic brush and comb. It’s the kind of brush you’d use on small children with fine, straight hair. It’s not the kind of brush you would use on a long, thick mess of very curly hair. As I’ve had curly hair all my life, and as my grandmother used to be a hair dresser and should know better, I can only conclude that she forgot what I looked like.
Oh, and she sent my husband a $5 check. Now he can buy that six pack of Coke he always wanted.
A PDA that my last boyfriend gave me. I took a looonnggg time getting used to it… learning how to use it and entering fax numbers, phone numbers, scheduling, etc. Piece of crap crashed and took everything, all of my most important info, with it. I threw it across the room in an advanced state of pique.
[QUOTE=Malthus]
How can the father of the bride not give anything at her wedding? :eek:
QUOTE]
My father not only didn’t get me anything, he boycotted my wedding and tried to talk what few members of my family there are out of coming as well. (Keep in mind that my closest relatives were over 2000 miles away–he was trying to get them to cancel plane and hotel reservations and everything.)
This year for Christmas my in-laws gave our children a note which said that they had taken the money they would have given them for Christmas and donated it to some starving childrens fund. So our children got nothing from their Grandparents…except a pc feel good note.
I wanted to ask them for the receipt, so the kid’s could use the charitable donation on their taxes, but my spouse silenced me in favor of family harmony.
(They also did this before a few years ago and the charity turned out to be a scam)
I got the same thing from my grandmother this year. I have fine, straight hair, but it was just such a random gift that I didn’t know what to make of it.
Necro Romancer:
I also get some kind of face wash or acne medication from my mother every year. Aside from the occasional blackhead and hormonal pimple (maybe four per year, I’m 17), I have clear, good skin. I use quality products and have a good skin regime, but my mother still thinks I am the acne queen.
The car vacuum that she got in bulk for $10 each didn’t work. My mom, brother and cousin have all had the same problem with the vacuum, namely, that is doesn’t suck. (Which means that really, it sucks.)
This year, from this aunt, I got an oversized nightshirt. My sister, cousin, mom and aunt all got these. They weren’t even cute, they looked like they were from the dollar store. Mine was a funky teal color, with mirrors, lipsticks and other “girly” things printed all over it. I was kind of bummed when I saw my mom open hers, though, because it was packaged in a Tupperware dish, and I could actually use something like that! Oh well.
I thought I was going to beat her at her own giftgiving game this year, and get her something along the lines of what she gets us, so I got her a set of christmas dishtowels. Turns out, those are way better than what she gave out this year.
I hate to seem rude and greedy, but like I’ve said before, I’d rather get nothing if the alternative is something bought just so that there’s a gift under the tree.
Little ceramic unicorns. What purpose do they serve, anyway? They just sit in a display case and collect dust. I’m about the last person on earth who would like little ceramic unicorns, I’d prefer an Insane Clown Posse CD or something. I’d rather not get anything if all you’re going to give me are little ceramic unicorns.
When I get useless knick-knacks like that, I usually wrap 'em back up and give 'em to someone else as a b-day gift. I have some maiden aunts who love crap like that.
Oh! I just remembered another one. My ex once gave me a beautiful silver-and-coral bracelet with my initials on it. The only problem? It was so big around that if I put it on my wrist, it fell right off! I had to wear it as an anklet to keep from losing it! It was a sweet gift but I can’t wear it.
The bracelet would probably fit him perfectly, though. I think he was so used to purchasing jewelry for himself that it didn’t occur to him that I’m a lot smaller and more slender than he is.
My wife’s aunts are the worst gift-givers in our family, and for some reason I always seem to get the worst gifts from them. In assorted years I have received:
A rusty old pen knife (with one broken blade and one pitted blade) as I like antiques
A limited edition wooden car and wallet set. The wallet wasn’t there, just the wooden car, that had a broken wheel and a missing wheel. (I got called an asshole by one of them as I’d been drinking fairly heavily before opening it, and couldn’t resist saying “Thanks for the kindling!”) This because I like toys.
A ladies blouse - wrong size, with lace collar and a woman’s name label inside. (needless to say I’m NOT a woman!)
A t-shirt from Florida that was pink with flowers on it. It also had 2 random dolphin iron-ons on it, that were there to disguise the holes that were in the shirt, and had been repaired).
They once bought me a Boston Celtics t-shirt, that I liked, but they were upset that I said it wouldn’t fit without trying it on. It was a medium, and 'm a XL-XXL type guy. I held it up in front of me, and you could see me on either side of the shirt. They told me they’d return it and get me another one in the right size, but instead they got me a sweatshirt that said “The chickadee - Maine’s state bird”
A t-shirt that says "Maine black flies don’t bite, they suck!
A very expensive Llardro pharmacist statue. The most bothersome aspect of this gift is that they spent $300 on it. Now no offense to those of you who might like Llardro statues, but to me they’re crap, and they could have made me VERY happy by spending $300 on me. Thanks God for eBay, I sold it for $250 and bought myself some books, CD’s, and DVD’s!
My wife’s aunts are the worst gift-givers in our family, and for some reason I always seem to get the worst gifts from them. In assorted years I have received:
A rusty old pen knife (with one broken blade and one pitted blade) as I like antiques
A limited edition wooden car and wallet set. The wallet wasn’t there, just the wooden car, that had a broken wheel and a missing wheel. (I got called an asshole by one of them as I’d been drinking fairly heavily before opening it, and couldn’t resist saying “Thanks for the kindling!”) This because I like toys.
A ladies blouse - wrong size, with lace collar and a woman’s name label inside. (needless to say I’m NOT a woman!)
A t-shirt from Florida that was pink with flowers on it. It also had 2 random dolphin iron-ons on it, that were there to disguise the holes that were in the shirt, and had been repaired).
They once bought me a Boston Celtics t-shirt, that I liked, but they were upset that I said it wouldn’t fit without trying it on. It was a medium, and I’m a XL-XXL type guy. I held it up in front of me, and you could see me on either side of the shirt. They told me they’d return it and get me another one in the right size, but instead they got me a sweatshirt that said “The chickadee - Maine’s state bird”
A t-shirt that says "Maine black flies don’t bite, they suck!
A very expensive Llardro pharmacist statue. The most bothersome aspect of this gift is that they spent $300 on it. Now no offense to those of you who might like Llardro statues, but to me they’re crap, and they could have made me VERY happy by spending $300 on me. Thanks God for eBay, I sold it for $250 and bought myself some books, CD’s, and DVD’s!
