I know people who would have traded their Cabbage Patch and Tickle Me Elmos for that stuff. It was some of the best cheese ever mad. 
What, did ya’ll have a post-Christmas, Sampiro family, gift exchange? Is that the origin of ‘re-gifting’?
I mentioned in another thread the relative that always gives me and my sisters very oversized sweaters and blouses every Christmas, XL for them (they are all rather thin) and XXL for me, the XL wearer. Since I like to consider myself a nice person I will refrain from commenting on the giver’s weight.
Not a Christmas present, but still inappropriate yet touching, in the way that Sampiro mentioned in his post: When my mother was getting ready to marry my father, back in 1970, she worked in the same office as a very elderly gentleman. She tells us that she mentioned her upcoming wedding to some co-workers, and not long after that, the old man approached her and gave her a wedding present. She waited until she got home to open it, and inside found an old, rusty talcum powder tin, obviously refilled with scented powder bought loose from the drugstore (you could still do that back then). She couldn’t help but be touched by the gesture from this elderly man who was clearly on a tight budget but still wanted to give her a wedding gift.
Last year my fiancee bought me lighter fluid. No, really he did. He always stresses out over birthday/christmas gifts so I cut him some slack but to this day he thinks it was an entirely thoughtful and appropriate gift. He reasons since I smoke and I have a zippo…
I am sure he won’t make that mistake again.
My mother in law tries, but she keeps missing the mark.
- A wallet. Nice leather, good brand. Unfortunately, it’s too big to fit in a pocket, and it’s made for Brazilians. US ids won’t fit, nor will credit cards or money. It still sits in the box, 4 years later.
- A cross and bible. Another nice gesture. Except that I’m Jewish. And the bible was just the new testament. In portuguese, which I couldn’t read at the time.
- The running joke is that she buys shirts for me. I’m a fairly bulbous guy, much fatter than your average Brazilian. All the shirts she gets are really nice and can barely cover me. Last time I was there, I tried it on and popped a button!
I tell her that my gift each year is that she has me as a guest in her home for a month, but she doesn’t care.
My own mother is a different story. She’s mid sixties, and prefers to buy me clothing as well. Unfortunately, her tastes are about 20 years behind the times, and not my style. So, she gives me the receipts, I go ack and get what I want, and when she says, “Shecky, what a great shirt!” I tell her she gave it to me. It’s a win-win.
Thanks! I’ll be sure to try some.
My family is small, so we exchange ‘real’ gifts; it’s a nice idea, but someone with a wooden deck doesn’t always want an outdoor fireplace.
My in-laws’ is larger, so the ‘grown-ups’ all exchange token gifts. So, I supply my office with scented hand-cream (with the strict instruction no one is to come within ten feet of me after using it, because I am allergic to most ‘scents’).
Eh, I don’t mind. I haven’t had to buy a kitchen towel, scented candle, or gift bag in years.
(I give everyone very nice Christmas ornaments; everyone knows I bought them December 26th of the previous year.)
As for socks, underwear, lighter fluid, tea-bags, and staples (yeah, staples), in my house everything purchased between Thanksgiving and Christmas Day gets wrapped up and given as a gift.
Hard to choose, but here goes:
When I was a child, the grandparents who lived in Washington DC would always send a HUGE box via UPS, full of presents for all 5 of us kids and our parents. As the youngest, I used to “get to” open the box. This was as much a part of Christmas as the tree or the cookies etc.
When I was 13, the HUGE box came. I opened it and dug out everyone’s presents–except mine. My grandmother (whom I greatly resemble physically) had sent me nothing. My mother, who loathed her MIL, but loathed confrontation more, called her and asked about my present. Apparently I was not to get one that year. She did it again the next year–she sent me a red, blue and yellow fake patchwork comforter in February for my pink and white room. No explanation for either year. No, she was not senile–not by a long shot. I must confess I didn’t like her much after that, not because I didn’t get anything (although that was part of it), but also because it was just so mean.
My worst present ever was a few years ago from my MIL. In the year where my husband got a leather coat (or a stereo–can’t recall), our kids got Nintendo etc… I got one pair of black, sheer, control top, sandalfoot Calvin Klein panty hose–in size small. I wear a medium-large and don’t wear black hose. Don’t wear hose, period. I’d rather she got me nothing at all. She wasn’t senile either. The year before I had gotten a radio and some books, IMS. The following year I got a gift card to the mall for $300. No rhyme or reason to it.
That sounds like my worst present. Ever since my dad remarried, his wife has taken over the buying and sending of the presents. (and she’s one of the highly organized types who gets the presents out on the first of the month; I expect this year’s Christmas present will be arriving tomorrw) We don’t not get along but I think she’s irritated that I’m not a big family person and remain resolutely unattached.
One year she sent me a Old Navy XXL hot pink halter top. I’m 5’5", 130 pounds and, let’s say “modestly” busted. There’s no way I could ever hope to fill out a XXL halter top. And it was hot pink, I pretty much don’t wear colors. It’s hard to know what to think when someone sends you something in a size that’s so far out of whack. Does she honestly see me as a bi person? (she’s very slender herself) Other presents from her have been pastel colored items in large so I guess she does.
Friend of mine gave me a thin necklace once, with tiny irregular black beads and a barrel clasp. I really liked it, but my neck is somewhat sizeable, and she (and I) noticed that it was a bit too small as soon as I put it on. It turned it into a sort of choker, which was ok, because I could work with that kind of style. Unfortunately, I hadn’t had the thing on for more than maybe 20 minutes when I sneezed. This caused my neck to expand enough to explode the thing off me.
It was too bad-- I really did like it.
Mad cheese comes from mad cows.
I was just thinking about this yesterday. I love my dad dearly, but his presents leave something to be desired. He appears to think, “What does Kyla like? Why, I’ll get her something that only someone truly obsessed with [subject] would want!” When I was fifteen (maybe fourteen?) he gave me a Star Trek communicator pin. It wasn’t cheap, either, really heavy duty and well-made. I watched Star Trek regularly and enjoyed it a lot, but I wasn’t planning on dressing in costume and going to conventions or anything. Later, he complained that I never wore it. Uh, duh! I was fifteen, y’all, like I was going to go around wearing something that advertised me as a GIANT NERD.
Later, he gave me two bizarre gifts that were related to my enjoyment of Buffy.
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A lifesized cardboard cutout of Buffy. Dad, just because I like the show doesn’t mean I want to start collecting paraphenelia. (Aside from DVDs, I guess.) He was SO pleased with this present, too, and was upset when I didn’t set it up immediately. I ended up leaving it in an alley, which is where everyone in Chicago leaves stuff they don’t feel like moving.
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Some occult book. At least, I THINK he gave me this book because he knew I liked Buffy. I found this gift SO baffling that I asked my mom about it later. Apparently he spent quite some time picking out the perfect occult book at some occult bookshop in New Orleans. I have absolutely no interest in the occult (I prefer history and popular science, thanks!) and never opened the book once, but kept it around for awhile because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I might even still have it, actually.
If I had known about your cardboard Buffy, I would have offered to take it off your hands (and even paid for shipping!). My cardboard Spike is lonely–and no, that’s not the worse present I ever received. I actually asked for it. What I really need is a cardboard Angel.
As for my worse Christmas present—a few years ago, my grandmother sent a comic version of the New Testament. It said on the back it was for ages 4-8. I was 22. Still not sure what to think of that.
I just got given a nice jade bead necklace and unfortunately my friend was sitting right there as I tried it on and discovered my neck is too big. I immediately made it into a double bracelet and wore it that way all weekend around her, so hopefully she didn’t feel too bad. when I got home I gave it away and decided jewelry is almost too personal to buy for people!
That’s so sweet.
My in-laws give terrible presents, but the huz has been the victim of them most often. He’s gotten a pressure cooker, a scale, a rolodex and a blood pressure monitor from them at various times.
Worst gift I ever got was in high school. My stepdad was in the psych hospital at the time and we were broke. There was a volunteer group that made sure all the families of the people in the hospital received presents, which was very thoughtful. Unfortunately, I received a Charlie Rich album (I was a little blue-haired punk) and a hideous stocking cap. My mom and I laughed about it, though.
I have three presents I remember -
- a set of espresso cups from my husband for my birthday. I don’t drink espresso - he and his family do. I don’t know what to make of that one.
- a set of bathroom scales and a large jar of chocolate peanuts from my mum. This just shows the love/hate relationship she has with food.
- the album Living in the 70’s by Australian band Skyhooks when I was nine years old, by a neighbour. Neighbour bought the number one album at the time - and it’s a great, classic rock album, but the lyrics were way, way too mature for a kid and many of the songs were banned from radio. Mum’s eyes bugged out when she heard it for the first time…
I think I’ve posted this one before, but it’s pretty high up there on the scale of “deranged relatives”. My BiL is a methamphetamine addict. His thought processes are bizarre and subhuman, and that’s on a good day. One year he gave us:
A used, 1970s era book on “erotic massage”, complete with nekkid pics of 70s bush.
A used, 1980s era book on candle magick, which he thought I’d like.
A pewter mint julep cup (a princely gift if it had been in a set, I give high(er) marks for this one).
And the clincher: For my husband, a guitar tuner/metronome, with a rubber band holding the battery pack on. It suspiciously resembled a metronome (right down to the rubber band) in my husband’s possession which had gone missing only a month before. Only it had a bow on it.
Yep, my BiL gave my husband his own metronome for Christmas. We call it “tweeker giving”: to return something you stole to the person you stole it from as a gift.
I received a re-gifted (I assume) set of lotions and bath oils. Normally I wouldn’t have a problem with this, except these were obviously years old. Faded and frayed ribbons, etc. And when I opened the lotion, it was obviously old and smelled funny. I’m guessing she dug it out of the back of her closet from at least 10 years ago. But in that case, it was the thought that counted – she didn’t have to get me anything.
Several years ago we had an ornament exchange at work, which I love doing. Even the nicest ornaments are fairly inexpensive and everyone usually got something very nice. Except one year. Me. In a sea of lovely elaborate Father Christmases and delicate, artsy candy-canes, I got a plain, simple wooden candle about 2 inches high. Truly, it couldn’t have cost over a dollar. I theorized the person forgot and picked it up at the counter at a convenience store between the office and the restaurant where the Christmas lunch was being held. I was truly embarrassed when everyone held up their lovely ornaments, and I had to deflect questions about mine, which I had tucked into my purse to avoid embarrassing whoever it was. (It was all anonymous).
This one goes under merely inappropriate, I guess. My former mother-in-law wanted to get me something really nice and asked for nice suggestions. I said brief case – something along the lines of a laptop bag today (although these were still in the future at this point). What I wanted was a simple satchel for putting a few work papers in.
Maybe I was assuming too much about what she knew about what I did (a writer at a public television station) because what I received was a very expensive brief case, such as the type actual lawyers might use to carry actual briefs. It had a combination locking mechanism, a sumptious interior and was extremely heavy. It also looked extremly masculine. I feel totally foolish carrying my few little files back and forth from work a couple times, and it stayed at home after that. I gave it to my ex-husband when we divorced, since he sort of likes it and is an accountant.
Not Christmas, but Birthday. When I was 10 I was into owls. I loved them, collected owl figurines, etc. So, my dad gave me a lovely LL Bean owl stuffie for my 24th birthday. Meanwhile, I needed clothes and money really badly.