** “Alcohol helps astronomers date stars.”**
The article is, of course, about using radio waves emitted by alcohol molecules to find the age of stars…
Larger cover story about a resteraunt being shut down because of sanitary issues… The restaurants name?
Fak Yu (chinese food place)
The picture took up the whole page. 
Oh the memories. My producer mentioned this to me and continues to bring it up every week or so.
-niggle
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
“Blizzard hits tri-state area; two missing.”
Critics waffle over Two Forks.
Regarding the debate over damming a local river a few years ago.
One that may be an urban legend, about an escaped mental patient who rapes two laundry workers –
"Nut Screws Washers And Bolts"
One genuine, about a football (soccer) match between Reading and Exeter City, which Reading won with a late goal from their substitute player Uwe Hartenberger –
"Exeter Sunk By German Sub"
Another recent football headline, about a shock Scottish Cup win for lower-league side Inverness Caledonian Thistle over giants Glasgow Celtic –
"Super Caley Go Ballistic, Celtic Are Atrocious"
Then there was the article about a Monday city hall meeting in which a severely underfunded public transportation system was given a cash injection. The headline, of course, was Sick Transit’s Glorious Monday.