Misunderstood Headlines

In today’s paper: “Scientists again protest bill on ancient skeleton”

I said to my husband, “I thought it would be about another dinosaur-bird fossil.”

He said, “I thought it was about the cost of a fossil.”

It was really about legislation to allow tribes to claim ancient human remains.

So, that is my favorite since last week’s “Death sentence tossed over Bible”

Do you have any to share?

“Heidi Klum to Wed Seal.”

Ork orr orr orr ork orr!

From the local paper several years ago, but I still laugh about it:

“Cops Forced to Shoot Man with Knife”

I remember one from a loooong time ago, so I know it’s not word for word, but I believe the article was something about a rape case or some sort of scandel on a navy ship where the female ended up pregnant, anyways, the headline was something to the extent of “Seamen Belived Responsible For Pregnancy.”

‘Police Say Bullets Dangerous’.

From the local paper yeeeeeeeeeears ago.

First reaction: ‘Well…duh.’

Reading the story, it turned out there was a particular type of bullet that the cops’ body armour wasn’t stopping very well, but it was a bit of a doubletake.

"Pope’s Body Seen At Viewing" No shit?

Similar…does anyone remember the “Little Rascals” episode where the kids had signs reading "Man Eating Chicken? Eventually you see a man sitting on a stool eating fried chicken.

I still love that one.

This is supposed to date from WW1 “French Push Bottles Up Germans”

I once read “Badgers are generally spotted after dusk”. Well, it makes a change from those stripey-faces, I thought.

"Pope to get more jet fighters"

(Pope Air Force Base in Goldsboro, NC)

My favorite item of this nature is not actually a headline, but a typesetting instruction that mistakenly ran as a headline. The Bloomington, Illinois, Daily Pantagraph (which has to have one of the great newspaper names of all time) was running low on space one night and decided to cut most of the birth announcements. Unfortunately, the typesetter was asleep at the switch and set the instruction into type as a header. The next morning’s birth announcements began:
KILL ALL PREVIOUS BABIES

I used to live in Davis, Calif., where the local high school’s sports teams are called the Blue Devils. This once led to the immortal headline

DEVIL GIRLS THRASH WOODLAND

Huh huh… cool.

From the Financial Times:

Hedge funds giant EMU gamble.

A great misspelling on our front page above the fold here, when that scandal with the Georgia funeral home with all the bodies out back broke, something like “Grizzly Find at Georgia Funeral Home”. Sounded like a much more exciting story. :slight_smile:

Today on the NY Times is the headline, “Officials Say Sixth Graders Counterfeited”.

All I could think was that a school had sent a bunch of ninth graders in to take sixth grade standardized tests or something. Turns out the sixth graders were counterfeiting dollar bills to use in the cafeteria. Hey, news guys, if you’re going to use a transitive verb, how about sticking an object in there?

WWII, actually: Eighth Army Push Bottles Up Germans

another one from WWII: MacArthur Flies Back To Front

“Man found guilty in violin case”

“Jury tries shooting defendant”

“Two Russian ships collide; one dies”

And, my personal favourite:

“Incest more common than thought in the US”

I don’t know where these came from, though, so they might not be legit.

~ Isaac

Not realy a misleading headline but an illustration of the British mindset years ago.

“Fog in English Channel , Continent Cut Off”

These are some of my favourites, too, they are ages old, whatever they are. My father had a bunch of them on an old disk he bought back in '92 or '93, and would (try to) read them aloud to me and my younger brother. We would sit there, gasping with laughter, with tears running down our cheeks in utter glee. I’ll see if I can find them around somewhere, they shouldn’t be too hard to find…

Off the top of my head, my favourites from that one:

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents (How do you like it?)

Eye Drops Off Shelf (er… ow?)

Babies Are What The Mother Eats (geeeeze! Bad hamsters!)

Woman Off To Jail For Sex With Boys (that’ll teach her)

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies (mmm… toddlericious)

Miners Refuse To Work After Death (damn straight)

Prostitutes Appeal To Pope (is there anyone they don’t appeal to?)

Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant (nothing else worked?)

Two Convicts Evade Noose; Jury Hung (gotta hang somebody, I guess)

Milk Drinkers Are Turning To Powder (this one stands on it’s own for me… I’m laughing too hard to see)

And, after a quick Google, here are some of them.

Psst. Pope’s in Fayetteville. Seymour-Johnson AFB is in Goldsboro.

But you’d think there have to be some good headlines from the old News-Argus over the years, with a name like “Seymour Johnson”