Headline Puncher: Local Man Automates The Onion

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This website automatically mashes up headlines from online news sources to create new, absurd headlines. It’s like The Onion, if they stopped at punchy headlines instead of attaching those headlines to overlong articles which just beat the gag into the ground. (Yes, there are exceptions. The headlines are still the best part, though.)

Some examples:

From the trending list:

2

Wow. These are all surprisingly good and many made me literally laugh out loud.

3

Some of them sound like they could be actual headlines–not from the Onion, but from a publication that reports real news.

I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Nintendo entered the porn industry, or if Microsoft announced that its latest software had some major problems.

4

The trending list has completely changed. Some highlights:

And, finally, the headline which could most reasonably be true:

5

[QUOTE=Derleth]
I’d Fuck a Dragon
[/quote]

Let’s be honest - who wouldn’t?

6

I’ll have to borrow that one for later.

7

I’ve been clicking on “Smash New Headlines” to see what comes up. Most of the headlines are meh and about a quarter to a half are completely nonsensical, but there’s a few reasonable ones that came up for me :

And the most bizarre one:

8

Eerily too close to the truth

9

Funny ones on the scrambler I’ve found:

My favorite on todays top headlines:

10

This one doesn’t even make grammatical sense but I can’t stop laughing at it:

11

OK, so I smashed out a few that made me laugh:

Honorable mention to the odd but strangely enticing:

But tonight’s clear winner is:

12

And a punny one:

13

I hit generate and got these (among others):

14

“STEFANIE [REDACTED] FUCKS JESUS: A Pet Rescue Goes Catshit Insane”

15

How OK! Faked Its Jessica Simpson Pilot: A Study in Vegetative Intelligence

You Call It ‘Art’: Student Plans to Defend Her Use of First Bomb

90-Year-Old Man Robbed by My Mexican Weed Guy

INCEST Is Now on YouTube

16

And another candidate for the win:

17

Some new trending:

And, one which has a certain relevance for the SDMB:

18

Buffy the Vampire Dong!
Russian TV Cuts Off Mountain Towns, Kills 3
Your Comprehensive One-Tweet Guide to Freezing Your Eggs
Pussy Riot Member Would Really Like to Leave Sarah Palin
A Stoned Sir Patrick Stewart Embraces Domestic Abuse
Utah Lawmakers Look to Control the Weather
Charming Rube Goldberg Machine Ready to Strike Syria May Result in ‘Major Regional War’
UK: Syria Attack Would Be Awesome. Here’s Proof.
Whaddayaknow, Microsoft Has A “Thing” for Redhead Men
Hurricane Sandy might be a Muslim!

19

A few I’ve acquired, some of which sound like they could almost be real headlines;

“Grandfather Picks Up the Joint”
“Pakistan’s Former Dictator Musharraf Charged With Raping Teammates”
“How Football Completely Messes With Your Insanity”
“Nobody Knows About This Cool (and Detailed) Geological Map of Titan”
“Tony Stark Is Being Evacuated”
“A 10-Year-Old Girl Arrested for Vandalism With a LOT of People”
“Neil deGrasse Tyson and Bill Nye the Science of Morning Wood”
“The Best Wi-Fi Extender (if You’re a Wolf)”
“13 Potatoes That Look Like Citizen Kane”
“Police Believe Marathon Bombing Was an Especially Drunken and Smelly Affair”
“It’s the Simple Things That Never Was”
“Guy Breaks Up With Internet Sugar Daddies”
“The Devil Gets Off on Striking Syria”
“This 22-Year-Old Just Landed $25 Million for Allegedly Raping 4-Year-Old Boy in Apartment Complex”

I was reading this site in the breakroom during lunchtime at work last night and had to try to explain to my coworkers what was so funny, but couldn’t because of how hard I was laughing.

20

Viral YouTube Video Shows Police Officers Relentlessly Beating Unruly Man With Truck Covered in Dicks.

:dubious: