Worst possible band names

We’ve all seen posts in threads finding things that would make “great band names”, but what about things that would make really bad band names? I’m not looking for actual real bands with bad names, I’m looking to break new ground here. I want the worst possible bands you can imagine.

Promoting a band called Smegma On Toast would not be the best marketing gig I can think of.

Well, there isn’t anything that wouldn’t make a good band name, depending on the band. Something like “Beverly’s Crotch Hair in my Soup” might work for a punk band, but would be a horrible choice for a country band. Same for “Fuck the Flag.”

OTOH, a punk band could be named just about anything, since it’d be ironic. “Old Time Mountain Hoedown” would work just fine.

These would make awful band names IMO:

Molester Kings
The 911 Terrorists
Clergy Romance
Testicular Torsion
High School Massacre

I forgot to add my own: Dr. Touch Too Much and the Regular Checkups.

You have to assume that bands like Hoobastank, The Goo-Goo Dolls and Toad the Wet Sprocket are kinda wishing they had thought a little further ahead when they picked their names…

Toad the Wet Sprocket comes from an old Monty Python routine, with a rock-critic/entertainment-reporter type giving a rundown of the happenings and travails of certain bands and musicians. When I first heard of the real group, I thought it was a joke. I’m waiting for one of them to do a side project as Poached Salmon in a White Wine Sauce or Helen Shapiro.

I was thinking that the worst possible band name wouldn’t be flamboyantly bad, but just dull and uninspiring. But when I tried to think of something, all that came to mind was Trout Fishing in America.

Maybe something like Double Entry and the Bookkeepers (the only band with three consecutive double letters).

The Humane Society Meeting

March Raw Oysters

Steel Guitar Disco League

Jews Harper and the Ferries

The Feminists

Or something that would be confusing on a sign. Such as Sold Out or No Vacancy or Best Slots in Town.

Touched by Ebola

Along the lines of aclubs[ul]
[li]Closed[/li][li]For Rent[/li][li]Free Soup[/li][li]All Ages Show[/li][li]There is no Band[/li][/ul]

As I’m posting this, the thread just above this one was entitled “Getting rid of a deep pimple” [bolding mine]. That’s either a really, really good band name or a really terrible one.

The Puppy Kickers

Tone-Deaf Very Loud Guys

Fifty Bucks a Beer. The opposite of the idea of calling your band “Free Beer,” of course.
Deathbreath on Toast. Naw, still a good punk band name.
The Mormon Carbuncle Choir. Think of the publicity when the LDS church sues you.

Let’s try a different approach:

The Bright 'n Shining Musical Carnival Showband and Happy Family Fun-Time Singers. Excessive length, far too cute, sappy and cloying…hey this one might work!

Your Parents’ Band

** Looking for Your Daughter After the Show**

100 Dollar Downloads

You know, everything I try to think of that’s truly repellant feels like a good punk or extreme metal name. Gangrenous Sphincter, Toenail Clitorectomy, Leper Three-Way, it’s really tough!

Spoons is probably right: Go for something cutesy and verbose, like a bad Japanese translation or something, and you’ll probably drive a fair number of people away.

World Trade Center

Back in about 1997, there was a garage band of 15 year old punkers who called themselves The Verve Pipe (unplugged). The college kids would get sooooo mad at their shows. I think they lasted for about 4 performances.

There was an actual band where I’m from who apparently called themselves the Porch Monkeys before they found out what it means. :rolleyes: