“Greetings, Earthmen. We come in yo momma.”
“We are occupants of interplanetary craft, returning your greeting.”
“We are the Majority for Morality in Golden Plaques, and you are in violation!”
“Greetings. We are the Great Filter.”
We come to honor and serve your 700 Club.
We come “To Serve Man.”
“Thanks for taking care of our Woolly Mammoths and Sabre Tooth Tigers. We’ll just take them back now … or do we have to get rough?”
Ack…ack…ack ack!!
And our Dodo birds. Even though we only need a few of them every three or four hundred years, they are absolutely vital to our economy. The only substitute for a Dodo would be 100 human babies.
Whalesong that sounds suspiciously like George Burns saying “Say ‘goodnight’, Gracie.”
Birdsong that couldn’t have been produced by anything smaller than a T rex, and the oceans are boiling…
"We are detecting dangerous levels of oxygen in your atmosphere. To prevent catastrophe, decontamination will proceed in five… four… three… "
Resistance is futile!
“We come in peace to any society that is our moral equals. Planets that embrace progress and justice will benefit from our incredible technology. Worlds that embrace anger and oppression will be eliminated. Now take us to your leader, President Trump, and your fate will be decided.”
People of Earth your attention please. This is Prostectic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planet Council.
As you no doubt will be aware, the plans for the development of the outlying regions of the western spiral arm of the galaxy require the building of a hyperspace express route through your star system and, regrettably, your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition.
The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes.
Thank you very much.
“We come with an exclusive, limited-term offer!”
But first, some poetry.
Surrender Dorothy
We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is Futile.
"Be quiet or they will hear you”.
“Our healers say we’re no longer contagious and our traditional greeting of strangers involves the exchange of body fluids”
I love that song… (And the story it’s based on…)
“Gort: Barada. Nik Nikto. Barada!”
Extremely large mass at relativistic speed collides with the western hemisphere, 12 hours later another collides with the eastern hemisphere.
‘What’s for dessert?’
“Hey guys, just thought you should know, there’s an asteroid heading for you, so you might want to move your planet over a bit. You know how to do that, right?”