Inspired by the news that an unusually shaped asteroid will be monitored for signs of alien life. Suppose someone’s taken up Active SETI, a signal sent out into the cosmos to attempt to contact extraterrestrial life. What’s the creepiest reply we could get?
Mine - Help.
or
WE KNOW.
I think they already did, and he just lost an election in Alabama. 
“Shhhhhh! Are you crazy? They’ll hear you!”
A tinny little electronic tune plays as a synthesized voice says “Level Complete”.
“Hold on. Believe us, we’re getting to you…”
Or
“All praise to the exalted queen Kim Kardashian!”
I was going to say “alien dick pics”, but that’s too easy.
Instead, I would if they sent back Jesus pics that would give me the chilliest of willies.
“Your planet is SO wet, It’s making me hard. Can’t wait to penetrate your atmosphere!”
“Send nudes.”
Oh wait, we already have.
“Take us to your leader. It is still Mickey mouse isn’t it?”
We wish!
All circuits are busy now. Please hang up and try your call again later. Message 312.
We would like to get a signed copy of How to Serve Humans.
“We are already among you.”
All your base are belong to us!
Dammit! Why aren’t you people atomized? We fired the disintegration ray two weeks ago; it should’ve been there by now!
I’ll be in my bunk.
“I am the last person alive on this planet. I just heard a knock on the door.”
A drawing of those figures being eaten by something larger. Or with an accurate representation of internal anatomy drawn in.
The Truth is out HERE.
