A customer with captured aliens is trying to buy our product

It is indeed an interesting morning here at the office. The head of our parts department came in to find a voice mail requesting some info. This is not unusual. What is unusual is the man who wants the info claims he needs to build an environmental chamber to house some aliens. He apparently discovered a spacecraft, you see, and the aliens are a little uncomfortable in our environment, could we help him build something to make them more comfortable?

It is not a hoax. If it was, would he be giving us his home number to call and laugh at him? This is very serious. He does not want news media crawling about his property, but everyone is interested in this craft. He does not work for the government, he is a Christian who works for himself. He cannot notify NASA, as they have spies. Can we please send him a parts list?

Unfortunately, he lives on the West coast, and is a few hours behind us, so he has not responded to our calls. We did get his answering machine, and one of our parts guys will be calling him back later this morning. We need to know, for example, what the size of this spacecraft is to make a quote for him, and does he need to house the craft, or just the aliens? We anxiously await his reply. This could turn into a whole new product line for us, and is indeed an untapped market we had not considered.

Make sure you sell him a lot of tinfoil.

What’s his answering machine message?

Make sure to include in the contract that “employees of your company get all the free spaceship rides they want.” Oh yeah, and get some hyperdrive design specs out of the aliens if you can. This could REALLY turn into new product lines for you guys.

I’d call the authorities in his area. He might be holding people prisoner, or planning to.

I didn’t hear it, but the guy that called him said it was just a normal “I’m not here” message. He did give his name, though, so we know it is his real number. Hopefully we’ll be able to get ahold of him today, I don’t want the aliens to have to suffer for too long. Maybe I could send him some mittens?

Just make sure you include a little note in whatever you send him.

Could you imagine how much more paranoid and on the edge the poor deluded sap would be if you took CRorex’s advice?

That’s awful, CRorex. I’m cracking up.

LOL*Is this for real?


Yes, all the more reason to do it! :smiley:


Hmm. Actually, I think if his subsequent e-mail are just as weird, I kind of agree with Revtim. Just in the event that he is really mentally ill and may need help, or if he becomes dangerously psychotic. You may wish to check with local authorities to be sure he is known as a “local character” and not a danger to anyone. Better to hear the sheriff’s department say “Yeah, that’s crazy Dave. He builds habitats for ‘visitors’.”

I met someone whose cousin was attacked by his fiancée. He stopped by her apartment to find that she’d covered all the windows in aluminum foil and was in the process of covering the floor with plastic sheeting. She started talking about aliens, and he decided to leave and find some help because it was pretty clear she was suffering from a severely delusional psychotic break.

When he turned to go she pounced on him and stabbed him several him in the back with a kitchen knife. He was big and muscular, and got away with serious but non-life threatening injuries. A neighbour called police.

They never got married, but he stayed supportive because he realized she was very sick and was quite disassociative and psychotic when she’d attacked him. He helped the police, prosecutor and courts get her into a psychiatric facility, rather than jail. She thought he was in cahoots with the aliens.

If you mean did someone actually call us and leave this message, yes. If you mean does he really have aliens, well, I must admit I’m starting to have my doubts.

Advice taken, Revtim and Crayons. Our parts guy just left a voice mail for him, so maybe we’ll get a better handle on the situation when he talks to him in person. I’ll mention it to him.

Just remember, wait 'til the check clears before shipping any orgone boxes or whatever else is required.

That sounds suspiciously like the beginning of a certain Robert Heinlein story in his “Future History” series. I can’t recall the name of it, but that definitely sounds like the same plot. Just something for you to consider.

We also walk dogs?

If your parts guy is going to see the guy in person, perhaps he could ask to see the aliens, or no deal.

I have two concerns here:

  1. The guy captured people, and is deluded into thinking they are aliens.
  2. The guy captured people, and wants you to think he’s nuts and captured nothing.

The parts guy could even tell him he has to make sure the stuff isn’t being used on people. It’s even the truth. But of course if scenario 2 is correct, he might show your guy an empty room and say “there they are!” when his victims are tied up in the basement.

You aren’t seriously advocating that the parts guy investigate whether there has been an abduction, are you? If you even remotely consider such a thing, you have to let the authorities deal with it. You don’t send your parts guy.

Unless he’s been hogging all the donuts and failing to make another pot when drinking the last cup of coffee.

Your guy sounds like a nut related to a guy I occasionally receive e-mails from. Seems he broke his time machine, and is looking for spare parts by contacting other time travellers. Alas my machine and his are completely incompatible…

If this claim is true, I call dibs on book rights :smiley: