So, you’re grousing about your life in a small or big way, and someone makes a (sincere) suggestion as a way to fix it that makes you go WTF?!?!?
:smack:
List em up, I’ll go first.
Years ago, I had broken up with a boy (or more specifically a boy had broken up with me) and I was suitably heartbroken. A coworker suggested, completely earnestly, that I become an alcoholic for a few months just until I was over him.
Ummmm, what?
Ok, you go now.
A few times when I’ve been just sad or depressed, someone suggested I should have a baby. Really.
Any time the topic of our infertility comes up to a group of friends or family, invariably there is someone who suggests that we ‘just relax’ and ‘don’t think about it’ and it will happen.
:rolleyes:
-“You want to solve the debt crisis?”
–“Well, yeah, since I’m young and these fucking payments for old people are gonna be on my back for life, considering only the top 2% of wage earners actually pay for their care themselves.”
-“Have babies so you can contribute more wage earners who’ll pay into Social Security.”
They were definitely serious.
After my father’s death…“he’s in a better place now.”
Please, fucking PLEASE do not offer up this stupid homily unless you know the bereaved shares your sentiment.
off topic, but similar- about a month after my father died I was speaking to a co-worker who said " I know just how you feel, my DOG died this summer, too."
I was too stunned to speak- however if I would have thought quicker I would have asked if her dog f*cked her mother and gave her siblings and fond memories of family vacations.
“Smile.”
This is my smile, dammit!
Once, when I was spouting off some (probably) Nietzschean take on my life, the guy I was dating told me, “If you had children, you wouldn’t have time for this.” Wow, just wow.
Anyone who ever said “just quit and find a new one!” when somebody’s been bitching about their job. Yeah, it’s that easy.
A friend once suggested I paint my kitchen yellow. Bight cheerful YELLOW. She meant well, and could not have known that my mother (over my 7-year-old wishes for purple) painted my room yellow. Not the worst advice she could have given anyone, but the worst advice for me.
“Have a snort of this cocaine.” I should be glad I threw up because I never touched it again.
The laughably erroneous things I’ve heard in my life about how to legally outmaneuver the Police.
Other than that, my favorite has to be this one. Stranded by a winter storm in Oaklahona, heading back to college. Woke up the next morning in the hotel and went to the parking lot to warm up the car. Overheard a woman tell her boyfriend to go boil hot water in the coffee pot so they could use it to “de-ice” their windshield.
“You need to have children. There aren’t enough smart white people having kids.”
Yes, he was serious.
Yes, I walked away from him and did not speak to him again.
No, I did not bitchslap him like he deserved.
Not me but my first husband. When he walked the paperwork requesting permission to marry me, his chief recommended that he get me signed up for welfare and child nutritional support and live with me … I guess he figured that John had gotten me pregnant:confused: Wingnut murphy/Murph the Surf [boat CO] only wanted to know if I was white or black…:dubious:
“Hey, if the baby you’re pregnant with turns out to be a girl, you could name her after your first child, who died.”
Because walking around with your dead sister’s name isn’t creepy. (I know, I know, old timey people used to do this all the time <<shudder>>).
Would have been a much better story had you bitch-slapped him! Next time, mmm-K?
j
I’m missing the stupid, I think. I’ve used hot water to melt ice on my car before - IME it’s good for door handles and doors that are frozen shut. I’m not sure why it would be ineffective for a windshield.
Glass is not known for handling sudden thermal shock well, olives. 
Mine: I was laid off a while back and out of work for two years. Some of that time overlapped with Mr. Horseshoe going through the same thing, meaning we were a two-person, zero-income household, and we were flat fucking BROKE. No access to any health care, either.
My father’s solemn advice:
“You should sign up for one of those full-time jobs with benefits.”
Considering he was out of work for about a year after getting laid off back when I was a teenager, you’d think he’d know better or something…
Sign. Up. Grrr.
I don’t know much about cold weather, but wouldn’t this cause the windshield to crack?
YES. (From SE Michigan, where it gets really cold.)
I imagine sloshing hot water on a frozen windshield works OK in somewhat milder temps, though.)
Oh yeah. And there’s the corollary: “Can’t find a decent job? Just move to a bigger city!”
Because thriving metropolises are full of no-deposit, first-three-months-free apartments, right?
(This, and other bad sincere advice, has led me to believe that “I never got any help from my family” and “I’m flat broke” mean distinctly different things at various points along the socioeconomic spectrum.)
I’m surprised nobody’s given the classic yet: “It doesn’t matter what you major in or where you go to school, all that matters is getting a degree.” I think that one’s finally dying off, thank goodness.