This is a topic close to my heart. A friend of mine hosted a radio show at the local college some years back and I’d occasionally come on and we’d do a “worst of the 80’s” segment. Lots of material.
A personal favorite would be I Wanna Be a Cowboy by Boys Don’t Cry
And no list is complete without La Toya Jackson. Hot Potato actually managed to get to #43 on the billboard pop chart. Includes the immortal words:
“Where do I begin?
To tell a story of how great a love could be?
A great love story that is older than the sea…”
AAAARrrrrrgggghh! Get it out of my head!
MONDEGREEN ALERT!!
For 20+ years I was sure Billy Joe was robbin’ his “Gasso” - in other words, killed the clerk while holding up a gas-station convenience store.
That still makes more sense to me than “castle.”
It’s mater, not “matter.” And “Jet” should be capitalized since it’s being used as a name. Makes a lot more sense that way. (Well, maybe not a lot more…)
Oh, come on, that’s a great lyric.
I can’t believe that I’m defending George Michael here, but that line makes sense. He’s cheated on his girlfriend (well, probably boyfriend), and this guilt means he can’t dance: the theme of the song, that he’s never going to dance again. I don’t really see what’s wrong with it.
‘Africa’ wins for me, hands down.
It’s kind of ironic that no one has mentioned Alanis Morrissette yet, don’tcha think?
Why are these lyrics stupid? They seem fine to me.
Well, sure, that’s just my opinion. There’s never going to be any definitive answers here because these are all just opinions.
Anyhow, I know the line makes sense, but I think it’s stupid.
Speaking of George Michael, Last Christmas makes no sense:
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special.
Who did you give my heart to, Honey? Am I supposed to be in love with him now? And why would you give him my heart? Why not your own heart? Were you creeped out by him and just trying to get rid of him? Couldn’t you have just given him a made-up phone number?
I’ve always liked the Emerson, Lake & Palmer song “Still… You Turn Me On,” but I have to admit has some fairly egregious lyrical offenses, such as:
Do you wanna be the lover of another undercover
You could even be the
Man on the moon
And especially:
Every day a little sadder
A little madder
Someone get me a LADDER!
Which I find really (unintentionally?) funny, in part because in my head I always hear Jerry Lewis singing the last line.
I think these certainly qualify to be in a thread about bad lyrics:
*Looking back Shorty always mention
Said me not giving her much attention
She was there through my incarceration
I wanna show the nation my appreciation
Girl, you’re my angel, you’re my darling angel
Closer than my peeps you are to me, baby
Shorty, you’re my angel, you’re my darling angel
Girl, you’re my friend when I’m in need, lady*
Fair enough! 
"[Chorus:]
This is why I’m Hot [2x]
This is why [2x] Uh
This is why I’m Hot (Uh)
This is why I’m Hot [2x] Whoo
This is why [2x]
This is why I’m Hot
I’m hot cause I’m fly (fly)
You ain’t cause you’re not (Mims)
This is why [2x]
This is why I’m hot [2x]"
Mims » This Is Why I’m Hot
The lyrics make sense when you know that Jet was the name of macca’s sheepdog.
Who apparently could talk as well as fly, and whose father at times resembled a Sergeant Major and at times a diminutive female suffragette, or at least closely enough to cause Paul confusion.
If any list of bad songs doesn’t have MacArthur Park on it somewhere, the list is incomplete.
“Someone left my cake out in the rain…” (and here is why we really need a “ecch” emoticon. )
Did he have another sheepdog? The one he is most associated with is named Martha, as in “…My Dear.” She would still have been living at the time he recorded “Jet,” and I’ve never read anything in any book that says he had a dog named Jet.
Excessive repetition often kills a song for me. Anyone remember a song from 30 years or so ago that had these incredible lyrics?
I love a rainy night.
I love a rainy night.
I love a rainy night.
I love a rainy night.
I love a rainy night.
I love a rainy night.
I love a rainy night.
I love a rainy night.
I love a rainy night.
I love a rainy night.
and so on? If I remember right, I actually counted how many times that line was repeated (I was in a car in a place without many radio stations and I was bored) and the number was around 58.
No. No, it doesn’t.
I’m thinking now it wasn’t a sheepdog, but some other breed. I know I’ve read this other places, but the best site I can find online is here, with the final review on the page (from Rolling Stone) being the most convincing source. Other places have it being named after a horse, but I’ve heard more often that it was his dog.
See? Makes perfect sense!
Let’s not skip “Surfin’ Bird” by the Trashmen
Don’t you know about the bird?
Well everybody’s heard, about the bird !
Bird bird bird, the bird is the word !
Bird bird bird, the bird is the word ! Yeah!
(x 1000)