A former co-worker of mine invited me to her church two weeks ago where her husband is the pastor. Although I long ago rejected Protestant religion (recovering Southern Baptist), they were nice enough to come see my band once or twice in smoky bars, so I figured I owed them one. It was a very modern worship service with electric guitars, full drum kit, etc. The worship service was 60% music, 20% drama and 20% “sermon”. I actually kind of enjoyed it, I’ll listen to just about any live music, even if I don’t believe a single thing their singing about. They might as well have been singing to Odin or Zeus. Afterwards I had lunch with them and a couple of people from the church. It made for a nice start to a Sunday.
I just wonder, how “wrong” would it be to show up every Sunday and just sit there and nod for an hour and then go to the social events and … well, let’s be honest, pick up women. Putting my old Baptist hat on, the answer would be “I don’t care why people are coming, as long as they are coming. Maybe if they hear The Word enough, it will sink and they they will ‘be saved’”. The other half of me thinks it’s a bad idea, especially if I did meet somebody, only to have to explain to her at some point her entire belief system is bunk, in my opinion.
I am mostly agnostic, but I still go to church every Sunday. I really like the minister at my church; his sermons are more philosophy lecture than actual sermon. And the people that I’ve met at church are wonderful, caring people that I want to have in my life. They’re more my family now than anyone other than my parents. So yeah, I think it’s fine to go to church for the social aspects.
However, it is a different situation if you’re looking for a relationship. The women you meet may feel much more strongly about religion, and they may be disappointed or disillusioned by your lack of faith. I’d be very up-front about it if you start dating someone. It’d be terrible to find out multiple dates down the road when things are starting to get serious that you’re not on the same page on an issue that she might see as being very important.
In a good Christian church, non-believers or weak believers should be the ones most welcome at church. They are familiar with the phrase “Preaching to the choir” as well.
I am an agnostic in my own style and I go to church all the time. I am Episcopalian and absolutley love my church, the congregation, and especially our priest. They truly helped us out in big ways during very tough times last year.
I don’t see any type of issue with it unless you plan to subvert them in some way.
As a future pastor, I say go for it. Even though you may go only for the social aspects, if this church is anything like I think it is, that may change eventually.
Below is a somewhat relevant conversation I had with my mother, when I was thirty-something, single and an atheist. (I’m still an atheist, but no longer single or in my thirties.) I’m still not sure whether she was trying to find me a husband, or lure me back into the fold.
**Mom: ** You know, I’ve noticed some fine-looking young men at church these days.
Me: Maybe so, but men who are regular churchgoers are way too religious for me.
Mom: They might not be all that religious, they might be looking for a nice young lady.
Me: In that case, they’re looking for a nice Christian young lady, and that’s not me. I’d be meeting them under false pretenses.
No, I don’t think it is wrong to go to church to enjoy the ambience, and the fellowship, but I do think it is unwise to look for romance there. It is unfair to religious folk who have the reasonable expectation of finding someone with a compatible worldview at their place of worship and, in all likelihood, will be a headache for you. Everyone I have ever met who has had a serious relationship with someone with different religious views has gone through difficulties because of it. It hasn’t always been fatal to the relationship, but it has usually caused considerable strain.
I don’t think it is a bad thing at all. First of all, most people prefer going to a full service rather than an empty one. I’m sure many people go because they enjoy the choir, the ceremony, or enjoy the pastor.
I know, on Sunday, I look forward to seeing many of my friends.
I know lots of people who are in it for the socializing. Unitarians…well, socializing is pretty much the whole point! In my experience anyway. The problem is, they might find it disingenuous. Then you have to deal with that.
I think it’s fine for you to go to church, and even to look for women there…just as long as you tell any ladies you end up dating about your religious views right away.
Don’t wait to tell, or she might think you were just leading her on or something.
People all have their own reasons for going to church. Some go out of ardent faith, but a lot go just because it’s a habit/tradition, and some for social aspects. It’s really nobody else’s business what your own personal reasons for being there are.
I am very hesitant about going to a religious institution whose religion I don’t believe in. I’ll go to be present for friends and family (weddings/funerals/etc) but on a regular basis, for social purposes? Probably not. For social purposes, with meeting a wife in mind? Definitely not. That would seriously misrepresent me to the women I might meet. And half the time during sermons/lectures/presentations, I’d be gritting my teeth trying to keep from yelling out, “That’s wrong!”
When I was a kid, I quit from choir after the six-week trial period basically by telling my mother that I didn’t believe in it and therefore couldn’t sing it and therefore wasn’t going back.
Now, if I became interested in the religion, that’s another thing…