I would approach the teacher with wide-eyed innocence. “OMG! Kid said you’re going to die! What can we do to help alleviate the stress for you?”
Alternately, you could request your child be assigned to another Sp. Ed. classroom citing your concerns that the children will be traumatized when their teacher drops dead from stress right in front of them. That’s how you “out” the teacher. Ask the administration if there’s any way she can get more help or support or else you’re going to need to pull your kid because watching your teacher die in front of you is probably going to stick with you for a minute.
I am 42. When I was 11 (6th grade), I had this spinster teacher. Hell, she was probably in her 30s, but I thought all teachers were old (at least 59) back then. Back in the 70s, mortgage companies did not lend money to single women. This teacher of mine was trying to buy a house. One day, she got called out of the classroom to take a phone call. Teachers never leave the class to take phone calls, so this must have been a big deal. She returned to class in tears, cut off the lights and told us to put our heads down on our desks for a few minutes because she wanted some peace and quiet. We did this and I will never forget sitting there, scared and worried for her, because my teacher put her head down on her desk and began sobbing quietly. Eventually she pulled her shit together and informed us that she’d just learned that she wasn’t going to be able to get the house she was trying to get. I’m guessing the mortgage company said, “Hell, no, you have to be married before we can trust you to pay off this loan.”
Anyway, that was more than 30 years ago and the image of my teacher sobbing on her desk is still burned into my brain. Threatening to die if I don’t behave… IMO, that goes way beyond “poor little disturbed snowflake” and into “manipulative abuse” territory. YMMV but I would play stupid.
Yes. It’s inappropriate, ineffective, and likely to backfire if some of her students do resent her. It also belies a lack of skills in dealing with special needs children in an educational environment that would make me question whether she needs to be in a different classroom, or perhaps needs some time off to get herself in order (is she cracking up?).
I don’t know what advice to give; this is a tough one. I would definitely pay attention to the red flag of the revenge comment your son made – is there any way of checking out whether there’s any truth to his perception, maybe from other parents or from the teacher’s aide? That what she said to the class was completely inappropriate is unquestionable.
The teacher just told a classroom of kids that she’d die if they don’t stop causing her stress. The teacher has also created a classroom environment bad enough that a student begged his mother to keep quiet, to avoid her revenge, and the teacher’s aide demanded a promise not to “rat” him out before discussing classroom events. The concern is that the teacher might get into trouble?
Maybe the concern should be the special needs kids who are told they are personally killing their teacher with their behavior. Perhaps we should also be concerned that her students (and aides) are afraid to discuss classroom problems, because she takes revenge on tattle tales.
The teacher is an adult, and she can take responsibility for the things she says in her classroom.
Perhaps she was ham handedly trying to make and joke, as in, ‘you kids are going to give me a stroke if you don’t behave’, kind of way.
It will not hurt for her to understand that, what she says, gets repeated. She may deny it, she may not have quite said, what he heard. Doesn’t matter, if you speak to her she will likely choose her words more carefully in the future.
Give her a chance to explain, you said everything was honky dory last year.
I would notify a principal of what your son relayed to you, was said by his teacher, and you’re not sure it’s entirely appropriate. Let him deal with it. I wouldn’t get angry about it though, as I can’t see that helping anyone.
We have two independent observers (one child, one adult) stating that the teacher told the students that her doctor said she would die if the kids didn’t improve their behavior. At this point, I don’t feel there is much doubt that the teacher discussed her own personal death as a result of classroom related stress.
Yeesh. Sounds like this teacher is in the WRONG DAMN PROFESSION.
And “if you have an IEP, you are assigned to this classroom” sounds pretty horrifying. Kids have dramatically different needs depending on their issues, and it sounds like they’re doing some pretty bad mismatching. Bullying tendencies, in a room with kids who are “weird” in other ways, is just abuse waiting to happen. It’s thoughtless, stupid warehousing.
Our experience with warehousing: When my son was younger, we had him attend the school district’s summer-school program to keep up with the socialization / behavior program (he has mild autism). The last summer we did this, they for some reason redrew the lines in determining where kids would go for summer school - it was only in scattered locations. Somehow, he wound up at a completely different school from all the other kids in his autism class.
He was the youngest kid in the class by at least 3 years. AND the highest-functioning. There was at least one other kid with autism there (judging by my observation), the rest had significant issues including what appeared to be substantial mental retardation. He was, at not quite 7, higher-functioning than everyone else.
For 4 weeks, it was “just” a waste of time. For a school year, we’d have raised hell.
Find out first-hand what is on the teacher’s mind. And remember, that kids 12 years of age, special needs or not, can kill just about anyone with stress when gathered in classroom numbers. They are a handful, and just because they are special needs doesn’t mean that they are not engaged in much of the bullshit 12 year olds engage in. Just one has you beside yourself. Imagine if you had 15 of them.
Oh, okay. Now that I know the context, it’s kind of funny. Thanks.
I called the principal today, but apparently she’s much too important to speak with us little people, so I had to talk to the assistant principle. Who very much patronized me with, “Oh, I’m sure he misunderstood, she wouldn’t possibly have said something like that blah blah blah.” But she did finally agree to speak to the teacher, but I shouldn’t expect a call back, she said. She’s very busy, you know. :rolleyes:
The reason he is in this particular school and classroom is only because there was no alternative when he started there. I fought with the school district last year about this, but apparently, once you have an IEP that says what his says, you’re pretty much pigeon-holed and can only be put in this type of classroom, and this school was the only one with any openings when we moved in the middle of the school year last year. I could have tried to find a different school with openings this year, but as far as I knew, he wasn’t having any problems there and I hesitate to keep changing schools on him, as that happened to me as a child and I hated it. Other than this incident, he’s been fairly happy there and it seems to be working out.
And, I don’t think that I treat him like a snowflake. For the most part, I make him fight his own battles with bullies, school work, etc. However, when I see an adult with power over him mistreating him, of course I’m going to do what I can to stop it. That’s what any normal parent would do, and I need for him to know that I’m there to protect him. Thanks for all of your opinions!
That’s some kind of bullshit. First, that they segregate every kid with an IEP into the “IEP classroom” which is something I’ve never even heard of before, and I have a kid with an IEP. Second, that the teacher said what she said in the first place. Third, that the principal is now blowing you off. I’d be pissed.
Yes, 12-year-olds can be annoying, but the teacher is trained, certified, and paid to deal with it, so she needs to suck it up and do her job correctly, rather than inappropriately taking out her frustrations on the students.
I know, about the IEP. It does seem odd. But before he started there, I attempted to register him at his neighborhood school, and they wouldn’t take him. And I was told that he had to be in a self-contained classroom, like he was marked for life now. Then this particular school was the only one with openings at the time, so that’s where he ended up. At least the school is far, far away and so they bus him from door to door (not on a short bus, haha) and I look at that as a plus.
Did you also happen to mention to the asst. principal why you didn’t set up a conference with the teacher directly? If I were Admin., I’d be concerned that one of my teachers was bullying her kids so badly they were terrified for the parents to speak up for them, for fear of retribution. Since when should little kids be afraid of retribution from their own teachers? That, to me, should be even more eyebrow-raising than the “y’all are killin’ me” comment."
Please read up on your rights regarding this. The law (Federal, I believe) states that the child must be in the LEAST RESTRICTIVE ENVIRONMENT THAT MEETS HIS NEEDS.
I don’t know your son’s needs, obviously, nor what it says in the IEP - but if he can function in a “better” setting with appropriate assistance, then they are legally bound to do so. At every one of my kids’ IEP meetings, we have to check off on a form, that lists options considered and options chosen. These range from “regular classroom, no help”, to regular / assistance in the room, regular with some pull-out, self-contained (at base school or at a separate school), homeschooling, alternate school (e.g. private specialty school paid for by them), and residential.
It sounds like you may have gotten the runaround from the neighborhood school because they didn’t want to accommodate his needs (though again, not knowing his issues it’s possible they truly could not have accommodated him). And it DEFINITELY sounds like he’s being warehoused.