Ask the teacher in person what she meant. If you can’t do that for time constraints, word the email in a very friendly way. Phoning would be better than emailing.
They’re at the age now where she might be engaging in more conversational talk with them. That doesn’t mean she should include her personal life, but it might mean she might include herself as an example. ‘For example, I went to the doctor the other day and he said that a high-stress environment could increase my blood-pressure.’ Then a kid pipes up ‘does that mean we could kill you?’
If she actually said what your son said she said (heh), then it wasn’t appropriate. But she might have realised that the second it came out and is already regretting it.
Or it might be sign that the job is getting to her, or that there’s less support this year, or that her assistants are being sent out to other classes, or that there’s a student or two who’s much higher maintenance than the rest. All of that could affect your son’s learning without it meaning she’s a bad teacher. You should definitely follow it up.
Never trust what even the nicest, brightest kid says about what their teacher says, or what their teacher says about what they said, not when it depends on exact wording; memories are faulty.
At least your twelve-year-old is still talking to you about school! The most I can expect is ‘we had apple pie for dessert.’
First thing to do, I think, is find out what was said - not what was heard.
My own two sons, neither of whom have learning difficulties or special needs, would sometimes come home from school and tell me something which had me thinking, “WTF?!?” Turns out, boys and young men don’t always hear what’s been actually said and I saved myself a lot of embarrassment by not assuming what they reported was reported accurately.
Well, I was going to email or call the teacher and talk to her about it, but my son flipped out when I told him that. He started crying and begged me not to talk to her. He said that it would make her treat him badly and she apparently “gets revenge”.
So, I called one of the aides that stayed in touch with him over the summer and was in the classroom at the time. After much promising on my part to not rat him out, he told me that yes, that is what she said and exactly what she meant. So, I will be calling the principle tomorrow. Not in an angry manner- I just want her talked to and counseled on proper motivation techniques.
That teacher has a hard job. I doubt she was intending on inflicting harm. But if you want to get her into trouble instead of talking to her, go ahead.
Disclaimer: My first job in education was in SPED. It was the most stressful, horrible, sometimes wonderful and always exhausting job I’ve ever had. I’d never do it again. And you can’t “tell” on the teacher without saying who told you (the aide) as it will be Teacher’s word over Kid’s.
I do feel bad your son had a rough day. That’s not cool. But I hope you understand that teachers are human. My doctor told me to get a new job when I was a sped aide as I was constantly getting hit, cursed at, injured, whatever. It really DOES make a person feel awful at times.
If the teacher’s done a good job and is good with the kids generally, I wouldn’t do anything - maybe check in to see how the year is going, if she needs help - and then mention, “My son said that you were having a lot of stress teaching, is that true?” Teachers say a lot of things in retrospect they wish they hadn’t; I know I did. I taught self-contained 4th grade, but I had at least seven kids with IEPs, and at least one that was ED (he was eventually moved to a resource class). It can be overwhelming.
Going above the teacher’s head may create more problems, and if she has been good with the kids, it seems like an overreaction for someone who might have been at her wit’s end at the end of a hard day. Much more will be gained IMO if you approach this from a “I want to help” perspective rather than “you need a reprimand” viewpoint. Certainly be vigilant, and if it happens again, escalate. But I’d cut her some slack if this seems to be a one-off.
Examples of teachers/administrators losing it that I personally observed:
Assistant principal cursing the principal out: her exact words were, “Fuck you, you red cockeyed motherfucker.” Well, he was red, cockeyed, and boning practically all of the pre-menopausal teachers, so it was mostly true.
Substitute teacher removing his prosthetic leg and banging it on the table to get students’ attention. The students screamed and one ran to my room to inform me - when I got in the hallway I saw him hopping with the prothesis in hand.
Alice, I just read what you posted… I dunno, that’s iffy. But maybe I would let her know that I heard what she said. With administrators, you just don’t know. Some would try to help and others would take a punitive approach…
That reminds me of a teacher my brother had in high school. She would say all sorts of awful things to the kids. “You’re stupid” “What an awful answer, moron” “You’re the reason I drink” “Are you retarded” and the list goes on.
About halfway through the semester, just for kicks (he wasn’t offended or anything) my brother started writing all these things down on his book cover. After she was fired she took the district to court claiming sex discrimination. My brother’s book cover was entered into evidence against her (or however it works that it became part of the case).
Anyways, it seems like this is a good time to teach your son the difference between ‘not ratting on your friends’ and 'getting help from your parents/teacher/principal when something is wrong."
IMHO telling a bunch of 12 year olds (special ed or not) that they are causing you so much stress it’s going to make you die is wrong unless it was in a way that was very clearly sarcastic.
I think you need to let it go. Unless you have a personal relationship with this teacher and actually care about her well being and stress level, you have no reason to confront her or anyone else about it. Maybe a talk with your son about the issue or whatever seemed to bother him about the statement, (fear of her dying, fear of a new teacher, guilt) might be good. I survived having my bio teacher throw textbooks at the class, being hit by nuns and constantly being told I was going to hell by my principal. Your snowflake will live, I promise. His learning and being on schedule with the coursework for the class should be the main concern.
Why is it that if someone is concerned for their child, he’s automatically a “snowflake”? That’s so condescending and unhelpful. Like all children really need is food and a place to sleep and a school with teachers, any teachers. Any problems? Suck it up and deal, snowflake! :rolleyes:
I don’t even know what the fuck… is this some kind of secret code, or just some random words that you put in other peoples’ threads, or what? Could someone explain this to me?
It is from the episode of The Simpsons where Bart is spreading rumors between Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel to push the teachers into a strike so he doesn’t have to go to school. It is a big group of teachers and Bart whispers to one in the back, “I heard Skinner say the teachers will crack any minute” and the message gets up to the front and comes out, “Skinner said the teachers will crack any minute purple monkey dishwasher.”
IMO, The original comment is bad, but not immediately-firing bad. Everybody says something they shouldn’t have once in a while. If everything else is going great, I might mention it to the teacher (“My son was a little scared when you said you might die…” or whatever).
However, this
worries me more. Of course, this needs confirmation; special needs 12 year olds aren’t the best at evaluating when a teacher is being firm but fair and when they’re getting revenge, but they don’t imagine everything. I’d be talking to the assistant and other parents about this more than the one-off remark.
Bengangmo, do you have children? Just curious. I’m new here, so if you have referred to them in the past, I don’t know.
Alice, I think you are awesome for caring about your child. I think you have thought about it, asked for advice and will do, or have done, the right thing.
And, it’s ok to say “what the fuck” on here?? Cool.
