any parent who thinks their teenager isn’t having some kind of sex is delusional. Make sure the kid is on birth control and knows about STDs and let go.
Your position is that all thirteen year olds are sexually active?
Would you care to rethink that at all?
But much of it is of the solo variety.
“They’re going to do it anyway” strikes me as a pretty terrible reason to cede the rule-making in your home to your teenager.
what is your rationale for the rule?
Doesn’t matter, really. “They’re going to do it anyway” is a poor reason to let them decide instead of me.
It absolutely does matter. Arbitrary rules that are justified solely with “because I said so” is how you get rebellious teenagers that loathe their parents. Treating them like independent human beings with a right to be heard (if not a right to complete self-determination) and the right to fair and reasonable treatment goes a real long way towards ensuring that they behave rather than act out. You can’t just demand respect from a teenager and expect to get it - and you’re not entitled to it, either.
No, it doesn’t matter. Because if there’s a great reason for facilitating your kid having sex in the basement, then THAT is the reason you should put forth instead of “Welp, kids gonna fuck! ¯_(ツ)_/¯”
Saying you shouldn’t have rules because the kid is just going to break the rules is asinine.
No.
We do have rules. We expected our daughters to date people who respected them, we expected them to behave in public, and we made sure that they understood the biology behind it all before they had their first period. Their mother would never stand for the girls to feel they needed to sneak around behind our backs.
Older girl dated a lot in high school and college, is now married to a fine young man. Younger daughter didn’t have a serious relationship until her senior year of college and is still with him.
In the Netherlands, it is culturally accepted and welcomed that a romantic friend may sleep over and have sex.
The prospected boyfriend or girlfriend will be a regular guest for weeks or months before, eating dinner and hanging out with the family. And being vetted. During this time the family can be enthusiastic or subtly discouraging about the new addition.
Only after this waiting period can the kid ask if he/she can stay for the night. Everyone knows this means sex. Parents will usually not refuse this unless they have serious objections, but then those will have surfaced earlier.
In preparation for the big night, parents will take their son to the store to get condoms, and their daughter to the gp for the pill. And there will be a speech saying there is nothing wrong with waiting, and are they sure? But the sex itself, there is nothing furtive or shameful about it. While Dutch kids prefer to get their first kiss or fondle in much the same way as American kids ( cars, bars, alleys, behind buildings), real intercourse is different. To have sex in a car, a movie theatre, a park or an allyway would be regarded among kids as slutty, dumb and uncomfortable.
And it works: Dutch kids statistically lose their virginity at 17,5, a bit later then American kids, and our teenage pregnancy is much, much lower.
It is true that if they wanted to have sex, they do it anyway. But I don’t really know if it is good to approve doing it. On the other hand I know boys who are straight but always had a better friendships with girls - only friendship.
You know your son, maybe ask him what they are going to do and why it is important to him.
I have no problem being the bad guy.
What about sex in your bedroom just, you know, without the whole family deflowering ceremony?
Lots of teenagers are not having sex, often because they can’t find anyone that they mutually want to have sex with. The myth that all teenagers are having sex is actually pretty hurtful, because it suggests you have to be freakishly unlovable to still be a virgin.
Jealous? 
How does breakfast go the next morning? Pancakes? Query on how the sex went? Feedback critique?
Of what?
Jokes aside, most teenage sex isn’t on a stack of old pallets and discarded mattresses behind a grocery store. Or even in the backseat of a car. It’s on the basement couch or your own bed while the parents are out or some other household setting. You say that the only teens who’d have sex in a car are the dumb, slutty ones – I’m asking what the feeling is on having good ole bedroom sex without the six week family interview and lecture process beforehand.
Okay, serious answer. The scenario: lets’s go to the house where no-one is home and do it there. Well, most Dutch teenagers wouldn’t do that, either.
The vetting process is very natural, and parents don’t really have the right to be unpleasant or too obviously inquisitive. Not before and not on the morning after, either.
The customs are more those of general hospitality, with a little more interest, then the kind of hostile third-degree questions I see in older movies when a boy picks up his date for prom and gets grilled by Dad. There is not much reason to take advantage of an empty house.
Nope. Nobody will mention anything. Then, when the boyfriend or girlfriend has left, the parent he or she is closest to will ask for every detail the teenager is willing to share. Which, usually amounts to : “MOM ! Stop it! It was okay, okay? Now leave me alone so I can call my BFF!”