Would I avoid an intimate relationship with a socially awkward emotional cripple whose other relationships consume him, and exist largely inside of the computation machine? Yes.
Would you avoid an intimate relationship with someone who was hard core online gamer or role player?
Exactly.
Hell, I’d avoid a woman who regularly watched more than a couple of hours of television per week.
Homeschooling is a hobby? And something that your husband doesn’t participate in?
I’d avoid a relationship with anyone whose favorite activities involved something I wasn’t really into if they spent ridiculous amounts of time on them. I’m a gamer, but not hardcore, (in fact my last SO introduced me to WoW) and I have other interests. Someone who spends enough time on a pursuit to be considered hardcore by me, whether they are a sports fan, gamer, or otherwise, is not going to be present enough for the relationship.
I started to get defensive about this thread, being that I consider myself, if not hardcore, then at least an extremely avid gamer. But if you define hardcore as focusing on X to the exclusion of all else, as many in this thread seem to have done, it’s a pretty easy answer. You can’t have a fulfilling relationship with someone who doesn’t care about the relationship. (By that definition I’m still teetering on the edge of hardcore, but I try to give a damn about other stuff too.)
For myself, I’ve decided that if I’m going to be in a lasting relationship, it’s got to be with someone who enjoys gaming at least as much as I do. It’s not just so we have a hobby in common, but the sort of person I enjoy being around is the sort of person that’s typically into games. As long as they’re willing to give time to reality and the relationship, I’m happy with that.
Came here to say mostly what was said in that post, but also to add, after reading the rest, that there’s some strong stereotyping going on here that sort-of surprised me. I’m wondering (and not in a sarcastic way; actually wondering) if the people making said judgements also judge other people, sight-unseen, on their choice of hobbies?
I really can’t think of any other hobbies that take up chunks of time so noticeably like hardcore gaming. I think that any hobby is good to have but once it crosses over into being “hardcore”, then it tends to affect other aspects of the person’s life. Like I said, gaming just seems to be the most obvious one but if anyone can come up with other examples I’d like to hear them.
I would avoid a relationship with someone who’s hobbies interfered with our relationship on a regular basis. Don’t get me wrong, all relationships should be well-balanced and hobbies are a good thing. But if they are more important than I am - often or all the time - then I will move on.
I’m not judging someone for their choice of hobby. I have no problem with someone playing online games as much as they want. I also have no problem with someone choosing to be in a relationship with someone who is an avid online gamer. I am just saying that personally, I would avoid being in a relationship with such a person. It’s just one of those things, like smoking, or hating children, that make me think this person would not be a good fit for me. Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with them doing it on their own or with someone else, though.
IMO, this is a stupid question. It’s not really about hardcore gamers–it’s about having a relationship with someone who’s addicted to something to the extent that it affects their life. It has **nothing **to do with video games as such.
I play a lot of WoW. It’s what I do when I come home from work (when most of the people who complain about “hardcore gamers” are probably parked in front of the TV–I don’t own one). It has **nothing **to do with being socially well-adjusted: there just aren’t a lot of chances, especially on weeknights, for me to get together with my friends who live in the area, since everybody has a crazy work schedule or is a grad student or both. When I’m dating somebody, I’m spending way more time with him than on the game, too. WoW is also one of the ways I keep in touch and spend time with friends who don’t live near me–some of them are people I play with.
That’s hardcore? My personal record is 18 hours. 
I’ve had my weekend marathons before, but I don’t usually get sucked in too badly. I play video games maybe 1-2 times per week for stretches of a few hours, and my husband is about the same. When possible we play together, but there are fewer and fewer RPG video games that will allow that. He usually plays his Diablo while I play my Oblivion and it’s all good. I think if I weren’t into gaming myself it would be a lot harder to accept that in a partner. We’ve discussed joining WoW but we know it will be a total time drain and we’re not sure we need something that addicting in the household. The internet is bad enough without MMORPGs.
I married one. He’s the primary raidleader of the most successful Horde-side guild on the WoW server he plays on. Which is a sentance that will fail to make sense to anyone who’s not a gamer, but rest assured it makes him plenty hard-core. He’s also a professional without any major hygiene issues other than the fact he’s a smoker. Actually, the smoking was much closer to being a deal-breaker for me than the gaming.
Of course, I’m a gamer myself, so it’s not so much a big deal. It’s a shared activity, although I freely admit he’s more avid about it than I am.
Getting *that *wrapped up in your hobby isn’t a thing exclusive to gaming. I’ve seen it happen with any number of hobbies. Gamers take a lot of heat for that particular behavior pattern, but if you’re the kind of person who’s going to get wrapped up in a hobby to the exclusion of relationships, personal hygiene and leaving the house, then it doesn’t much matter if the hobby is gaming or cross-stitch.
My husband pretty much fits the textbook definition of a “hard-core gamer”, but he has as much of a life outside his games as anyone. He works, he hangs out with me in non-gaming situations (although we do most of our gaming together - like I said, I enjoy it, too), he has as much of a relationship with his family as he wants, he bathes regularly. I can’t say the number of times I’ve had to poke him to get his attention while playing a game are any higher than the number of times I’ve had to poke him during a baseball game (another passion of his - one I do not share) or while he was reading. If I need or want his attention, he’ll stop playing without a blink.
It’s not the gaming that turns people into that stereotype - and there are a lot of hard-core gamers that don’t structure their lives around gaming. Just like there are a lot of hard-core knitters who manage it.
Word. Granted, games do have a pretty high visibility. They take up a lot of time, are difficult to multitask with, can’t be put down easily, are relatively cheap so a lot of people can easily indulge, and are still pretty new and not-quite-mainstream (and a lot of people think they’re childish), so they’re not fully accepted.
Most hobbies don’t have that confluence of characteristics. If knitting was your hobby, you could spend all day on it, but you can multitask and you can put it away pretty easily when you need to. Some folks like to go golfing or shopping, which can also take all day, but the cost prevents most people from doing it every day and at great length. Online games are not only cheap enough to do every day, they also give you more than enough content and social interaction to want to play them every day.
About the only ‘hobby’ I could really compare it to is watching TV. It’s easy to get lost in TV, and before the advent of DVRs you couldn’t pause it, so it was difficult to pull someone away from the TV. At least online gaming tends to be interactive with other players.
It’s not the gaming itself that’s the problem, it’s the addiction. It’s just that games tend to be more easily addictive than most other hobbies.
I wouldn’t get into an intimate relationship with someone who was a hardcore anything, honestly. (Not that I’m available to get into a relationship anyway, but you know what I mean.) But I think exclusionary hobbies that happen in the house, like online gaming, video games, or having the tv permanently set to ESPN would bother me more than having him out of the house an equal amount of time. With the SO out of the house, you’re alone. With him in the house and ignoring you for a gadget, you’re lonely. I’d rather be alone, thanks.
shrug I was being pretty loose there. It’s something that takes up a lot of my time and thoughts, anyway. My husband is supportive, but he’s busy earning a living, so he doesn’t do the day-to-day stuff. It is also something of a hobby–I don’t have to spend my evenings researching curriculum and re-reading books on the subject, but I like to.
I’m the power gamer. I’m primarily on WoW and Ryzom. SWMBO is a light gamer, mostly on POGO. We’ll sit side by side with the TV on for background and play our games, perfectly content to be in each others company.
I’d consider it a major plus. Gamers tend to be smart, funny, imaginative, and otherwise pleasant company. There’s options to play together cooperatively or competitively, or to play different games in the same room. Also, a girl that likes online gaming can probably tolerate other games, which would make her a good fit for my family. Most family gatherings include Bridge, Scrabble, Trivial Pursuit, or a casino trip.
I’d run the other way as fast as possible.
Everyone above is right, this has nothing to do with ‘gamers’ but with people who would rather be involved in their hobby than be with their significant other.
I think the reason that we tend to focus on gamers lately is that more and more people are becoming gamers and are becoming addicted to it.
Twenty-five years ago, we would have had the same thread about workaholics.
If you do anything all the time, it is probably a bad idea. Getting into a serious relationship with someone who does something without you all the time, probably not so hot either.
Fascinating. Hadn’t seen the connection before, but it does make quite a bit of sense. Have to say, in general, this thread has been an eye-opener for me, and I thank you all for it.
(I’m a role-player. Am I ‘hardcore’? Well, I dunno. It’s a hobby I enjoy and do in my spare time, but if people around me want to do other things, I’ll do other things. shrug Dunno where that puts me in the spectrum.)