In looking at how online gaming and role paying environments can consume a person’s life, would man or woman being a hard core online gamer, or a really invested Second Life etc. role player make you avoid them as a potential date or person with whom you would consider having a serious relationship?
Would you avoid an intimate relationship with someone who was hard core online gamer or role player?
I recently got out of a relationship with someone who was a hardcore gamer (both online and roleplaying.) I had considered myself a girl gamer, I can hold my own in the games I like and I can play for a couple hours at a time but the ex was much more extreme. If not for school he could do games all day. He was good at them too, probably one of the best all around players that I’ve ever seen.
At first it was cute. This was when I thought we had it as a common ground, something we could converse over and do. Towards the end it was apparent that he was much more into it than I had ever been and it was causing a strain on the relationship if anything. I just didn’t care anymore about how games aren’t as good today as they were back in “the day” or how he could spend seven hours in front of a computer screen/at a table roleplaying or about what new threads are going on in 4chan, or how some game or another needs to get updated because his characters are too nerfed…Towards the end when he’d open his mouth I knew it’d be about gaming and my mind would just chant the mantra “Stop talking about games stop talking about games stop talking about games stop talking about games…”
I still consider him a good friend but I do think gaming was one of the things that soured the relationship and I feel like I dodged a bullet by ending the relationship when I did. Perhaps it was just a case of not knowing how huge of an impact it was on his life. Since I didn’t do well with him I plan to avoid any avid gamers in the future. The current guy that I like has some game systems but doesn’t let it control his life which will be a nice change of pace.
Yes, it would. I’ve known too many gamers consumed by gaming, and too many SOs/spouses who are lonely and can’t get their gamer-spouses off the computer for love or money. If you can’t be bothered to pay attention to your spouse and children, you have a serious problem.
My husband plays video games, but not RPGs and not to that extent. I’m fine with that.
I’m the hardcore gamer in my marriage. I wish that my husband was more into games, especially D&D or computer multiplayer games. I try not to let gaming affect my relationship, but I DO need to spend a lot of time gaming. Generally, I do it when he’s watching TV or gone hunting, which are activities that I don’t enjoy.
How would you meet a real hardcore gamer? I mean, I know a couple, but they never do anything socially but play D&D once a week. (I consider D&D to be more of a social than a gamer thing, but yes, it is both, which is why you see some hardcore WoW players still doing D&D or something on occasion.)
Well, if it’s an online game, you can meet them online. I play City of Heroes, and there seem to be quite a few people on there who met each other while playing.
Nah, been married to one for six years.
I’m a gamer as well, though.
We have high powered jobs, a family, etc. This is our entertainment. We don’t watch TV, so this is what we do in the evening. We even network the house and play with our kid.
It’s something we do together and enjoy (both online, regular computer gaming, and tabletop games.)
Let me ask you this: Would you avoid an intimate relationship with someone who hates sports if you’re an avid sportsman? Because it’s really the same thing. If you can’t stand people who talk about sports, play sports, aren’t into sporting events, why would you?
Same exact thing.
Given that I’m one, it would be pretty hypocritical of me…
I met my two longest-lasting boyfriends through gaming. Would have married one of them if I’d been able to interrupt him, even.
I think it’s more a case of the people involved having similar expectations around the amount of time the couple will spend together versus the amount of time the couple will spend on their own interests.
The same question could be asked of someone who was really into playing a particular sport, doing a particular sort of charity work, or any activity that requires a significant time investment.
Yes, I would. For one thing, it’s not something I’ve ever been interested in, despite many instances of trying, so there would be a large portion of our lives that we did not have in common. For another, I have had the sinking feeling before that I am less important to someone than a video game is, and I’m sorry but that’s not something I can take in stride.
I am in that relationship now- but it mostly works for us. Occasionally I have to pitch a fit about him leaving the computer to go do family stuff (my family, we don’t have kids) but mostly it is ok. I don’t know that I’d jump for joy at getting involved with another gamer, but there are far worse habits a person can have and he will give me the time if it’s important to me. Plus we are both dog people, so I can get him away from the computer to work dogs :).
I’m kinda a loner myself- so it’s ok that we aren’t doing things together 24/7.
Yeah, probably.
But I agree with the others who said it’s more a function of what’s interesting to me, personally, than the fact that he’d spend a lot of time gaming. If I was a hardcore gamer too, it’d be fine.
And I wouldn’t be likely to date a hardcore sports nut, either, since watching sports on TV & conversation about sports both bore the hell out of me.
I’d probably avoid it. If she put gaming ahead of me, then I’d put someone else ahead of her. If she lived a balanced life, though, I’d probably be OK with it. I have my hobbies too.
Yes, I would avoid it. We wouldn’t have much in common. But the same goes for any hobby which takes up large chunks of time - it’s not going to work unless you’re both into it.
Well, I’ve been married to one for the last thirteen years, so I’d say no. Of course, I’m a gamer as well, so it works out. I can think of several close friends of ours who qualify as well. There are gamers, and gamers of course. Everyone I know cares about their physical health, has hygine that equals or exceeds that of people with more mainstream hobbies, has professional level jobs, and does more than just game.
Yeah, I’d run like hell. I’ve known too many people whose spouses or significant others essentially abandoned them in order to play online games. So I would just avoid that situation in the first place.
I would avoid those relationships. Just as I would avoid any relationship that would be dominated by any single aspect. For me, variety is the spice of life, and being a hard core gamer just takes up too much time.
Hard cord? Yes, I would avoid it.
Gamers are OK but this is what I would consider hard core and it seems to me that this person is simply unavailable for a serious relationship.
Do you consider yourselves “hard core” or just “avid”? The fact that you enjoy it together is key, and it doesn’t sound like you are blinded to other aspects of life (i.e., having children). And it is true that many people piss away hours every night in watching television, which is an extremely passive activity; at least gaming is participative.
The analogy to sports is reasonable; lots of wives lose their husband a day a week to the golf course, or a few hours each weekend to football games on TV. When I played in a band that was one evening for practice a week and a couple of gigs a month.
But “hard core” gamers are probably gaming in time measured in hours on a daily basis, and completely engrossed during the activity. So it’s a rare mate that can live with that.
Like the plague, and I freely admit that it’s about gaming in particular. It’s one of those small things I’m surprisingly judgmental about. I just do not get it, at all, and I find it a little creepy. I know there are plenty of perfectly well adjusted gamers, but for me, it still summons up images of pale, socially inept basement dwellers. My instinctive response to Second Life is “Have you considered a first one?”
Not that I’d be chomping at the bit to get with a guy who lives and breathes basketball either, but I’d be much more likely to think “Well, this’ll give me some free time.” rather than “This person prefers the company of people who aren’t actually in the room.”
Yeah. For example, I have a very nice friend whose husband goes to work every day, comes home to dinner, and then leaves to go back to play WoW on the workplace computers until 2am. She is alone pretty much every evening. “I have a lot of hobbies,” she commented ruefully. They have 3 kids, though I don’t know how they got them with all that gaming.
No way would I sign up for that. And if you say “hard-core gamer,” then that’s the kind of situation I’m going to think of.
My husband and I don’t have many common interests, hobby-wise. I sew and homeschool, he programs and goes target shooting. I’m not saying I need to spend every minute with him. But the best times of the day are the times we spend together, enjoying each other’s company–that’s why we’re married. IME, gaming can really take over everything else.