For those that say that revealing this before dating is in poor taste, let’s assume that the two of you have been friends for a while and the discussion about prostitutes happened during your friendship. Now, you’re realizing that you dig each other in “that way” and are considering dating, but then you remember the discussion about sex with a prostitute.
It would depend on why the person had resorted to prostitution.
Not sure I like the way that’s phrased. Do you assume that people only resort to prostitution? I like to cook, but I don’t say I resort to eating at a restaurant. If someone pays a person to engage in sex, I would be interested in why. If the reason was horniness and lack of suitable partners for a non-paying sexual relationship, I don’t see what’s wrong. If the answer is they think prostitution is degrading, and they like degrading people, that would turn me off. There are probably other reasons that would and wouldn’t bother me.
Finding out about the prostitute would be no big deal, but this potential partner would have to agree to a full set of STD tests. I don’t care who you’ve slept with, I just don’t want you to pass along the results.
I was married to a man who lost his virginity to a legal prostitute, and visited many of them after he did that, over the years before he met me.
That should have been one of the red flags.
It would make me a bit uneasy, because it would suggest that her sex drive is higher than mine and I might not be able to keep up.
It would bother me. Not only because of the increased STD risk, but also (mostly) because I don’t think many people enter into prostitution willingly. (Maybe it’s different in the US.) And I can’t imagine customers of prostitutes not knowing that the person they’re paying for sex isn’t really into it, yet they go ahead anyway. That’s not someone I want to date.
Doh! I answered the question on the assumption I was already in a relationship with this person and we were having that ‘tell me about your previous relationships/skeletons in your closet’ talk.
So yeah, I would not date someone who felt the need to tell me this before we’d even been on a single date. That’s just weird.
WTF ??
Let’s just say that ZPGZealot has an interesting view on…well, everything, frankly. :rolleyes:
Define willingly. I get the impression that some of you have watched too many Lifetime movies and watched too many Dateline specials. Sex trafficking happens but in most of the Western world it’s far and few between. Certainly few prostitutes sat in their guidance counselors office and told them that sex for money was their dream job, but most of them chose to do what they are doing. Especially with the advent of the internet it’s become a more more controlled and empowered position, the days of the street pimp are dwindling.
The typical prostitute around here is usually the same type of person likely to take up stripping as a profession. It’s quick and easy money at a higher rate than anything they could earn otherwise based on their education and availability. Many are recreational drug users or party girls and aren’t interested in doing anything resembling a 9-5 or having a boss. Maybe they have kids they are trying to support, maybe they run an internet porn business on the side.
I known plenty of guys who’ve gotten hookers. They’ve always fallen into 3 categories.
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Stripper at a strip club or a in-call service for a bachelor type party. One of the guys asks if she’ll provide extras after her shift or show. Some do, some don’t. All of them are in it willingly and often enthusiastically.
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Guy sitting at a bar, typically in Vegas or some other vacation destination, but sometimes just in a local place. Girl starts a conversation and he buys her a few drinks. Before long she’s rubbing his thigh and whispering in his ear and they are heading up to his room. This is probably the only scenario where a pimp could be involved of the one’s I’ve seen. Maybe they are pressured into this type of selling, but they usually just seem to be freelance criminals on their own. If a guy is gonna get his wallet stolen it’s by one of these girls.
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Craigslist or internet girl posting ads for herself. These might be bored housewives looking to make some money on the side or younger girls trying to pay the rent. Lots of them run cybersex chat rooms as a way to solicit business. Many are former strippers or bar girls that have decided to take the work from home approach. These girls are 100% upfront and independent and often have websites detailing their services. Some are probably doing it just for the thrill as part of their particular kink, some husbands are probably eager to hear the stories. Some are your classic “high end” call girl. They tend to have reviews and repeat businesses as if they were a nail salon listed on Yelp. I find it very difficult to imagine these girls being forced into this in any way short of needing money and being unwilling to work a register somewhere.
I feel pretty confident that these 3 cases illustrate 90%+ of the hooker activity that any person hanging around this message board is apt to encounter. I’m sure there’s some countries where there’s a lot of sex trafficking but that’s not the norm for where most of us are likely to live and for people we are likely to meet. The days of the street walker with the abusive pimp who lured them into a crack habit are mostly gone and it’s pretty much isolated to the roughest neighborhoods and the trashiest trailer parks where people would know to avoid.
I think it’s pretty absurd to pop into this thread an imply that most prostitutes in our particular society are somehow helpless victims.
For me it would probably be a pretty good sign that the guy’s approach to sex isn’t at all the same as mine, which is something we’d need to deal with. I can’t say it’s an automatic dealbreaker, but it would definitely be something to address.
My ex-husband told me a story about how, when he was in the military, him and some of the other guys paid a prostitute to blow a dog. That story was really upsetting to me, although I told myself that when a bunch of young guys get together, they might do some things to impress each other that they ordinarily wouldn’t. The story may not even be true, but if it is, that’s just so sad. I’d rather he’d said that he slept with her.
This. Exactly.
Once you get to that point however I would also be less worried about a prostitute than the crazy stalker ex my husband had when we first started dating.
Being aware of the conditions female and occasionally male sex workers trapped in debt prostitution experience, if I found out any man I was seeing socially had purchased sex from prostitutes under those conditions, I would at the very least knee him in the groin before I told him to never contact me again. Incidently, before I married for the last time experience with prostitutes was one of the preliminary screening questions I asked.
Wow. Just. Wow.
Assault to avenge something (not even illegal in most countries, except Sweden I think) done in the past ?
For the record, I find that exploitation of misery disgusting too, but it doesn’t grant you any right to justice it yourself.
To be fair, she said that if a guy visited not just a prostitute but a sexually trafficked woman she’d be tempted. I agree she’s weird, but having a violent reaction to meeting someone who’s engaged in sexual slavery doesn’t seem so bizarre. (Actually doing something criminal…OK, that’s bad.)
ETA: Sex trafficking still exists and, I would hope, would be illegal in most countries, Khaki…
Didn’t she meant men who were only clients of prostitutes, not those who pimped them ?
You meet the former far more often that the latter I guess…
Well, she’s not talking about just prostitutes, but sexual slaves. I think someone who’s been the client of a sexually trafficked person is still pretty horrible, though. Not as bad as a pimp but they still basically committed a form of rape, IMO.
Is there really any moral difference? Rape is rape, and sex trafficking is organized, commercialized rape. The fact that somebody else is holding a woman down does not absolve the person paying to rape her.
Fair enough.
ETA : this was to Freudian.
But how does Joe Blow make the difference between a by-her-own-volition prostitute and a sex-slave ?