Based on a current thread. I’m curious about how much this would bother you all.
Assume, for the purposes of this poll, that your potential date has slept with prostitutes in the past – say, as many as five times. But this has not happened at any point since you’ve known the person. Also assume that the information came about in the course of a conversation between the two of you, and not that you discovered the person’s past through some other means.
I want to know how much your willingness to date the person (assuming they are in all other aspects a person you would consider dating) is impacted by this knowledge.
I chose “I wouldn’t definitely not want to date someone who’d slept with a prostitute,” because it captures my sentiments perfectly once I parsed the double negative
But I am wondering why you didn’t have an option for “I definitely would not want to date someone who’d slept with a prostitute.”
My opinion would depend entirely on the working conditions of the prostitute. Licensced professional working out a legal brothel in Nevada or Amsterdam: no problem. Sexually trafficed woman working in debt slavery: I would definitely not date him. I would be tempted to do something criminal to him.
I would be less bothered by the fact that he had “slept” with prostitutes in the past than the fact that he chose to share it with me. I just met this guy, and he wants to date me, and he’s telling me this? He obviously has no sense of discretion or decorum, so I probably wouldn’t want to date him. There’s a time and a place for disclosing these things.
You don’t bring it up on the first date, but down the road when you two dig eachother, most people will forgive their partner’s faults. Is this dishonest? Well, it’s better to not do stuff you’re ashamed of so you don’t have it in your past to begin with, but you can’t change the past and if you’re a different person now then you shouldn’t be haunted by it or forced to present it before the first date.
For the sake of the already pretty fragile self-esteem of the guy in the other thread should the voting go wildly in favor of “Hell no!”, it should be noted that what a person says they’d do when they’re in a logical rational objective state posting on a message board and what they would ACTUALLY do when they’re attracted to someone are often two wildly different things.
If the poll was “Would you care if a potential date was going to beat you?” or “is an alcoholic?” or “is addicted to shopping and has massive debt that will cripple your future financial situation?” or “who regularly cheats on his/her partners?” or “who doesn’t like having sex?” most people would probably answer “Hell no!” but every day there are tons of relationships where abuse, alcoholism, financial irresponsibility, infidelity, crappy sex, etc. are regularly forgiven.
Wouldn’t bother me in the least, but I’m a guy. I might find it a bit novel and odd–every single purveyor of prostitutes I’ve known has been a guy, and it’s a lot more common than I would have guessed–and I’d be curious to hear the story, but that’s about it, I guess. I mean, it might bother me if I knew it was a habit of hers, but a lonely night here and there–I’d only wonder why she didn’t just go to the bar.
It would depend, for me, on the circumstances, the procedure (safer sex or not?) and the…I’m having trouble finding a word for this, but the power of the prostitute.
Unsafe sex with a back alley homeless woman for $20? Dealbreaker. Shows me he doesn’t respect women, he’s got poor judgement and he’s not above taking advantage of other people in dire straits. Unless he profoundly regrets what he did and is at a radically different place in his psychosocial development, in which case it would bother me (probably more than a bit) but may not be an automatic dealbreaker. But it would make me watch him more closely to see if the mental attitude that sought that out has really changed.
Safe sex with a Nevada or Amsterdam red-light professional, or a high priced call girl for a not-insubstantial sum of money? Wouldn’t bother me a bit. It’s a business like any other, with occupational safety measures in place and a great deal of control on the part of the professional when it comes to choosing clients and what they do with them.
One of my exes and I were talking about prostitution once and he admitted he’d done it twice. Both times he claimed that he’d been in a bar and a girl started chatting him up, not really revealing her profession until he was interested. When she did reveal that she expected payment, he figured, “May as well,” and the transaction was concluded.
It didn’t bother me at all when he put it like that.
On the other hand, I might be much more bothered if I found out he’d regularly sought out the services of prostitutes, but even then it would depend on the reason and background.
I was in love for a long time with a guy who had told me that he was technically a virgin altho he’d tried to do it with a Mexican prostitute a few years prior. I think he had told me by our third date or so.
The only thing that bothered me about it is that he said he hadn’t gotten an STD test yet. But I never ended up sleeping with him so I never had to push the issue.
And for the contrary position–it’s worth noting that plenty of people are picky about lots of superficial things which mean that they would decide not to date you/would not be attracted to you before you ever got to the point of explaining your past history with prostitutes.
The RhymerRules do not permit me to ask the question “Have you slept with a hooker?” nor to generally inquire into a partner’s sexual history beyond questions of disease and so forth.
Are there really that many women who use prostitutes? Are we talking about women using male prostitutes or female prostitutes?
I guess it would depend on the exact circumstances. It’s not something I would imagine that women would have to do unless they’re very unattractive or require something very weird. In the first circumstance I would not be interested to begin with, in the second I’d probably be turned off, but there might be some hypothetical circumstance where it wouldn’t bother me, but it’s hard to imagine anything a reasonably attractive woman couldn’t get for free.
It would bother the hell out of me if she slept with a prostitute. You’re supposed to have sex with them, not just sleep! I could not be with such a poor consumer…
I have a buddy who’s registered with a male escort service. He figures it’s an easy way to make some money. So far he’s had two customers contact him but both seem pretty nervous about actually going through with it and they have to wait till their husbands are out of town and such so he hasn’t actually done it yet.
In a large business-oriented city there are a lot of older women who have money and looks, but no time for dating/relationships or perusing the bar for guys who have the balls to actually fuck them and not just try to wine and dine them. It can be convenient for them to get off with some no-strings-attached sex and know they won’t have to deal with a clingy guy calling them all the time. In the case of married women, I’d suspect they’re simply unsatisfied with their husbands sexually and don’t want to rock the marriage boat but still have needs to take care of.
The same guy also picks up girls randomly at the bar and a few have wanted to set up threesomes with him, herself, and a prostitute. I’m not sure what the logic behind that one is but I suspect it has to do with 1) the woman has a FFM 3-some fantasy or figures he does but she doesn’t want the other woman to actually be competition and a prostitute is paid to go away after, and 2) it’s quicker/easier in their minds to hire a prostitute than go hunting at the bar together for a 3rd girl
I try to be open-minded and so forth, but the idea that someone I am sleeping with has slept with a prostitute would ick me out greatly. I don’t know if it would be a complete dealbreaker, but I don’t think I’d be comfortable with someone who saw that as an option.
