I am loosing myself and need some help here. I don’t know
how to get over my own thoughts.
Having migrated to europe years ago I had been very lonely
so I went to live with a girl just to fulfill my loneliness.
She wasn’t right for me and the relationship just added
to many stresses and insecurities that I had.
About a year ago I felt like trying drugs but since I didn’t know
where to get them I decided to escape my world by pay for sex.
Unfortunately I did it three times before turning and separating
from her. I know this is a history that I can’t hide in a real
relationship and knowing how women feel about the action I have
been getting anxiety attacks every days. I think I have lost
that innocent personality that allowed me to meet a nice girl
and date her. I don’t know what to do !?
I am loosing myself and need some help here. I don’t know
You should read the posts posted by TheWhoToTheWhatNow in this thread. At one time he was in a similar situation as you and he was able to turn it around in spades. Your problem sounds like self pity and you will never get anyone with that kind of attitude because it turns women off.
ETA: Also, you said you “migrated to Europe.” Your attitude that your encounters with prostitutes has “corrupted” you somehow and that women will know about it and that you’ve “lost your innocence” makes me assume you are not from a Western culture. Middle East maybe? In any case, that kind of cultural conditioning takes a while to break out of. You just need some time in your new environment to acclimate.
It is more about how a woman who trusts me as a confident man would and will change if she found out what I have done in the past. I have the confidence and know how or where to find a potentially good friend but the “TheWhoToTheWhatNow” would also agree that there is some point that game becomes real life and thats when you have to be honest. Can I ? How ? That’s the end if she finds out…
I’d just like to clarify that I have never paid for sex. …except morally and spiritually.
A woman who loves you will forgive pretty much anything. That’s why women stay with guys who abuse them or have drinking problems or gambling problems, etc. You don’t spring your history on them on the first date, but down the road when you get to know eachother and you decide she’s a girl that’s worth opening yourself up entirely to, she’ll be alright with your past.
Think of it like an underdog story, “I had all these problems in my past, but look how far I’ve come and overcome them all to be the man you respect and admire now!” What girl wouldn’t dig that? I’ve told girls about my past before and never had a bad response because who I am now is the guy they love.
I like your answer. But you never paid for sex. I felt like you until a few months ago. Now I feel differently because none of those issues you said relate to the girl directly. This one is kind of different. It is what defines love for them. They start loving you one way and then you want to tell them no it is all really a bit different ??
You’re putting women on a pedestal here. Once they get old enough, “nice girls” don’t want men with an “innocent personality”, and they don’t care too much about what you did in the past, as long as it’s not going to be repeated in a bad way in the current relationship.
I’m 26. what if i want to have a life until she is old enough ?
a 24 or 25 year old is not that mature. so basically i have lost
a life time for a mistake! see where the anxiety comes from ?
Really, women will drop you, like a hot potato, if they find out you’ve paid for sex before?
Must be a European thing. Why not ‘migrate’ to the west where such things are less likely. I don’t know a single woman who would give a rats ass about such a thing, as long as you’re a nice fellow now.
Wait, why the hell can’t you hide that? Get yourself tested for STDs, then if you really, honestly feel the need to mention every single sex partner, claim you had a few one-night stands with chicks you met in bars, but now you’re ready to get more serious. Problem solved.
Definitely not a European thing. Europeans are way more tolerant of prostitution than anywhere else in the world, actually. I’d guess the OP is from a strict religious background.
Women are not attracted to “innocence.”
I too am very confused by what you’re saying. The general rule in any relationship is that it doesn’t really matter much about what you did before the relationship, it only matters what happens once you’re a couple. So what if you have a skeleton in your closet now? I guarantee you she does too! You really don’t have to share this with everybody you date. Besides - far more men than you may realize have paid for it at some point in their lives and still have no problems finding dates. I promise you that it’s really not an issue unless you insist it become one - so don’t insist.
I’m highly suspect of a troll post here, but I’ll bite for now.
Why do people feel the need to spill their guts? What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Look that up if you don’t know the meaning.
Do you honestly think women you meet are going to tell you everything about their past? They do not. Unless you have a police record or something like it that can be checked, that’s the end of it.
And if paying for sex is the best you can do, be careful and learn to negotiate.
Why not take a page from Charlie’s book and from here in out, you only date old whores?
Am I the only one who can’t understand the OP’s posts?
“This one is kind of different. It is what defines love for them. They start loving you one way and then you want to tell them no it is all really a bit different ??”
Who where in the what now?
In case this isn’t a troll…
You’re spending way too much time in your own head worrying about stuff that hasn’t happened yet. Maybe that gives you an excuse not to try, but you’re being silly. Stop it and get out there and become an interesting, vibrant person that someone has fun with and wants to date.
You paid for sex? Big deal. :rolleyes: People have done a lot worse and find someone to love them. Murderers find people to love them. Or they may not have done anything wrong but still have bigger hurdles than you (e.g. HIV, impotence, etc.) and they still find partners.
But you’re guaranteed not to find someone if you sit around feeling sorry for yourself and admit defeat before you’ve even tried.
Yes woemn here are more tolerant and yes I can hide it and true I have not tried.
What I was saying was that I know myself that I can’t hide if I am real with someone.
Besides I am not paranoid, google this topic and you will find many many posts from girls who love their boyfriends but as soon as the boy admits to such thing they can’t love him anymore - even if they are trying to… It does something to their mind.
Perhaps they can’t trust the boy anymore as to what sex means to him is different to what sex means to them.
Yes everyone knows this more or less but not so clear like day light. Make sense ?
Can you give us some background on you and your life? I think that would help us understand where you are coming from.
Girlfriends drop boyfriends who use paid sex workers, while they are still together, that I understand. But that’s different from dropping someone they’re dating because they find out he once paid for sex.
So which is it, you’re talking about exactly?
Where do you live? (Cause it sounds like the 1900’s) We’re curious.
Quit worrying about finding the perfect woman that will love the ideal version you have of yourself. Find a girl that will love you for who you are, flaws and all. There’s plenty out there. Some even as flawed as you.
Maybe they will drop you for that reason, so JUST FORGET ABOUT IT, and don’t mention it.