Would you date a guy who’s been to see prostitutes in the past? What would be the dealbreaker – one in his youth, a regular escort client, a Thai hooker while you two were beginning to date?
I’m of the whole ‘make it legal and safe’ camp, and enjoyed the lovely Belle du Jour, which portrays sex-for-pay as almost saintly and therapeutic, but having known quite a few sex workers I really haven’t met any one who was happy with what she was doing (except maybe the webcam girls, but even then the whole ‘I love being in control of my body, I love sex!’ thing was usually her initial attitude, which slowly peeled away to reveal ‘My boyfriend abuses me, I was molested, I have a drug problem, I really want to be a singer, etc.’
Yet, even if it were legal and safe, I just don’t know if I could have a relationship (or even sleep with a guy) who has paid for sex.
(I am asking this of the ladies and not men just to be realistic, though gay guys can answer, too. As for straight guys… would you date a former or current prostitute? Stripper? Hmm, mayb ethat’s better left for another thread).
If it happened before we ever met, it wouldn’t necessarily be a deal-breaker… though I have to admit that I’d have to seriously re-evaluate my attraction to the guy. I personally need to have some form of feelings for someone before they get to stick Tab A in Slot B, be it friendship or love or lust (or some combo of the above), so I just can’t relate to the concept of paying a total stranger for the privilege.
Actually, I’d feel the same way if a guy was to reveal that he routinely engaged in anonymous one-night-stands, because the only thing that separates those from prostitution is the exchange of money. It’s just not my scene.
The definite deal-breaker would be hiring on a prostitute at any point after we begin dating, even if it happens before we decide to “go steady”. It’s one thing to keep your options open by dating other eligible women until you’re ready to commit, but it’s another thing entirely to hire on the services of a professional for the sole purpose of sexual gratification.
Not exactly what the OP is looking for, perhaps, but I once broke up with a guy because he had had too many girlfriends (three out of a total of 12 relationships in his life) that were (ex)prostitutes. He dated these girls in a sort of saviour-complex.
It did bother me that he had been dating these prostitutes, even way before my time, but that had more to do with the feeling that he got himself too easily sucked in by crazy drama victim girls. Which these two girls were ( I vaguely knew them).
It wouldn’t have bothered me nearly as much if the girls had been sensible about their work as prostitutes. Like if they had done it to pay for college, or something. But these girls had wasted all the money they earned on frills, and had nothing to show for their time as working girls, but that weird mixture of defiance and victimhood Cat Fight described.
I think I’d pause and step back if it had be a pretty regular thing as opposed to once or twice. My husband is personable but not precisely a bronzed Adonis, yet managed to get plenty of sack time without paying (at least not in the agreed-upon price up front sense) in his carefree youth. Some in relationships, some one-nighters, some friends with bennies. If he had been paying for prostitutes instead I would certainly want to know why. Depending on his reasons and my spidey-sense, it may or may not be a deal-breaker.
Prostitutes while we are in a monogamous relationship are right out, however. For me as well - no double-standards in our marriage.
It’s something I could forgive if he did it as a troubled youth, but it would be a deal-breaker if it was still ongoing. I feel like a hypocrite because a character in one of my novels got his nickname from screwing a hooker in a New York subway and I have nothing but empathy and adoration for him. But in real life it’s a little more complicated. Prostitution in its current state can’t help but exploit desperate women and it makes me uncomfortable that anyone would be on board with that. Someone would have to be struggling with some pretty awful demons in their past to justify ever having done it. And if they were still doing it, it would be a deal breaker. I mean, for one thing, it’s freaking illegal. I don’t like hanging out around people who do illegal things because I fear retribution too much.
I feel so conflicted, because philosophically I’m all “safe, legal, healthy,” but I’m ooged out by the idea of some guy of mine having visited a sex worker. A (male) friend of mine is a night auditor at a hotel, and his friend once called an escort when they were hanging out at my friend’s job. We were both all… “ew”. And my friend used to be a bouncer at a titty bar - it’s not like he or I is squeamish about the sex worker concept. But buying it from a hooker crossed a line that I’m not sure my buddy knew he really had, there. I guess if a guy of mine had in his misspent youth gotten some in Thailand on vacation once with his buddies, I’d be okay with that (assuming, of course, that he tested out okay) but if he was a regular escort client? I don’t think so. And it isn’t really because of the victimization of the women, or disease, or whatever. It’s just… you know? And I know that makes me a hypocrite, because if he’d, say, had some sort of kept woman - or a trophy wife? That’s not a dealbreaker.
Absolutely. I’ve done questionable things in my past, and I’d hate to have them held over my head.
My only requirement is that you be clean at the time of our getting together. Given that, and all other things being equal, I couldn’t care less with whom you’ve done what in the past.
I would never date anyone with a view of prostitutes that was such that they would break up with me over them. (Not that that’s likely to come up anytime soon.)
I’m with Siam Sam. No, this is not a problem, and I would have a problem dating someone for whom it was. Would I date someone who had been to a sex worker? Hell yeah! I would date someone who had been a sex worker. (Although someone who was currently working would be another issue entirely.)
A few of my friends have been sex workers in the past. Yeah, there are some basket cases (especially among street workers), but there are some wonderful, vibrant, well-adjusted people doing sex work as well.
(Gay guy here, BTW. Also Australian, where sex work is legalised.)
No, I wouldn’t date someone who has been to prostitutes. Mostly because the guys I’ve met who think prostitution is a good thing, should be legalized, etc, either act pretty misogynist or are a bit “lalala, I can’t hear you” - they like it, so it should be legal. I don’t get along with them and they think I’m a bra-burning, hairy feminist goon.
I probably have. I also dated a guy who probably was a prostitute, or at least the rumor was that he was dating a woman fifteen years older than him and she was buying him extravagant presents.
I have no idea if anybody I have dated did any prostitutes in the past, I never asked and to be honest, it really isnt any of my business what happened before the current relationship with the exception of some STD being passed along [me being seriously allergic to most forms of antibiotic, I cant risk catching something that I cant get rid of.]
No, I most likely wouldn’t. It suggests a view of sex that’s seriously at odds with my own. If I’d been dating the guy for a while; he was otherwise a stand-up guy; and it was a one-time thing that happened a looong time ago, I doubt I’d break up with him, but I wouldn’t begin dating someone that I knew had hired prostitutes.
A youthful pecadillo wherein one tries to figure out how the world and sex in particular works? Not a problem.
Paying money for sex because he’s unwilling or unable to become involved in the emotional relationship that usually leads up to sex? Deal breaker. Patronizing a currently illegal, dangerous, exploitative, and degrading business for mere gratification? Deal breaker.
I understand the temptation when all you want is an orgasm without complications, but it’s a coward’s way out. God gave us right hands, battery-powered devices, and porn for a reason.
If I knew beforehand, I would avoid dating the person. It just seems to me that there are so many better ways to deal with your sex drive than resorting to something dangerous, illegal, degrading, icky, etc.
Once I’m in a relationship with someone, well, I know better than to ask questions I don’t really want the answer to.
My ex-husband once told me about seeing a prostitute blow a dog. He said it happened when he was young and with a group of other young guys, but from the way he told the story it was obvious that he found the whole thing hilarious. We had had problems in our marriage already, but after hearing that story I knew I would never feel anything good towards him again. The tale itself made me horribly sad.
Absolutely. Having employed the services of prostitutes in the past it would be pretty damn silly of me to say that I wouldn’t date someone who had done the same thing I did.