All it takes for evil to flourish is for good people to do nothing. I could care less if a guy I’m viewing as a potential partner has been with an adult woman who choose to be a prostitute at a decent wage and safe working conditions. If the prostitute was someone I knew I would even ask her opinions about him. However, sex trafficing is one of the few things I find lower than dog fighting and kiddie porn.
That is a good question. And I don’t know since I’ve never really met any kind of prostitute, trafficked or otherwise.
To the OP, sorry if this is getting off track. If it’s too much of a tangent, should we take it to a separate thread?
Where do you live??? I am a criminal defense attorney, so maybe my experiences are skewed in favor of seeing a lot more victimization than you have. My county basically straddles the DC metro area, and what I would classify as deep country. I have been to Vegas, so I know exactly what you are talking about there. But this is what I see, as a product of my job and experience:
IMHO, a large percentage of what you would call “willing participants,” in the sex trade are drug addicts, and use prostitution as a means to supply that habit. I would not classify crack and meth amphetamine as “recreational drugs.” YMMV, of course. These women are not fucking for money because they are kinky, enjoy sex, etc… all they are thinking about is their next hit. These women are routinely beaten and raped, but they continue to do it, because, well, cocaine is a hell of a drug. The path of drug habit to prostitution is alive and well in the suburbs, as well as the city and trailer parks.
My personal experience with this is my brother-in-laws’ sister. She was always a bit nuts, but in a good way. She was an elementary school teacher and had a wonderful repoire (sp?) with children. And she had a heart as big as the moon. Then she married this guy, Christopher, and they began partying pretty hard. Then they began smoking meth. Then he began pimping her out on the internet, so they could score more meth. It went really downhill from there. Like, “Hardcopy reporters camped out in my sister’s front yard,” downhill. I don’t think she was fucking any one because she just liked sex that much, or is kinky, etc… she was looking to score meth. Full stop.
As a defense attorney, I probably do see more of the drug addict prostitutes than the SAH mom, looking to kink out, prostitutes. Again, not knowing where you live or what you do, YMMV.
And don’t kid yourself that there is not a very healthy sex slave/trafficking trade in the U.S. There is. Multiple prostitution rings have been busted up and down the east coast, with the most common victim being illegal immigrant women. Think of a 13 y.o. hispanic girl being passed around a party of 25 men. Lovely. And I cannot tell you how many people have been busted in my jurisdiction alone attempting to buy or sell their children on Craigslist. :mad:
Now, having said all that… would I freak out if my SO had slept with a prostitute? It would totally depend on the circumstance. Did he get a $10 blowy from from the local crack addict in the alley? Dealbreaker! Did he slip upstairs with the pretty brunette in Vegas, with the very large man standing outside the hotel room? Weird, but not really a problem. Besides, do I really want him to know about that time I… :eek:
Unless he has very severe Asperger’s or similiar facial recognition problems, a few minutes of observation are all Joe Blow needs to discern the difference. There is a certain look of fear/terror, welcoming death that a sex-slave has that no by-her-own-violition prostitute has.
As long as she is currently free of STD’s, I don’t think I’d have a problem with it.
In fact – and I fully realize this sounds like a terribly typical “guy” thing to say – it would probably even turn me on.
She likes sex. She likes sex enough to pay for it. This is gonna be fun.
If he really doesn’t know, then he shouldn’t be sticking his dick in her.
It depends on why he did it, what kind of prostitute it was and how he feels about it now. How did he treat her? If he regrets it, why? If not, why not? I think people can give a lot away about themselves in how they talk about sex, so I’d want to hear about it. His attitudes toward himself and her would be quite telling.
And llcoolbj77? It’s rapport. I thought it was *repoire *once, too, but there ya go.
In all seriousness, I read this comment and thought, “I hope the OP isn’t bothered by it – it’s an interesting discussion.” It took me longer than I care to admit to remember that I was the OP. :smack:
By all means, carry on.
sigh
Are mods able to fix typos in a poll?
I agree that drugs plays a large role. However that still falls into the category of “willing” as far as I’m concerned. I’m simply pointing out that the repeated insistence that hooker = sex slave is out of whack with reality. Certainly many hookers, perhaps most, are supporting a drug habit. Calling it recreational might not be quite the best description but there’s a difference between the strung out crack whore living on the street and the functional user. Most girls that a normal guy is liable to encounter are at least functional enough to take care of themselves and provide for themselves. So, I have a hard time feeling a lot of pity for the girl with a coke habit trolling bars and casinos to maintain the habit, she’s doing it of her own volition.
I understand that there’s sex trafficking here in America and that pedophilia like you see on cop dramas happens. But let’s not pretend that it’s the norm. There are many millions of working prostitutes across the country and tens of millions of johns. Its a small fraction of a percent that are involved in the types of situations you cite and the customers for that aren’t accidentally happening upon it, they are seeking that specific situation out.
You’re handwaving away addiction as if it’s not significant. It’s a disease. It’s not a hobby. People who trade sex to feed an addiction are doing so out of a profound desperation. It’s not a healthy or truly volitional situation, and it IS the norm in the US.
I’m picking up what your putting down. I guess I mostly see the folks who get caught, which are more likely to be the strung out crack whores. In the context of whether or not I would be upset about my SO recieving a prostitute’s services, I want to know in what category she falls.
Thanks Maenad!!!
I am currently dating a former Marine. I assume, because he was stationed overseas at one point, that there is considerably high probability that he has employed a prostitute once or twice. I would assume that of any former or active military guy who wasn’t married during his service.
That said, prostitute or no, I have a policy of no bareback until both of us present clean STD reports. My sexual history is not above reproach and I wouldn’t expect anyone within 5-10 years of my age to be sexually above reproach either. What would concern me is the ethics in how the situation came up (heh!), how the reveal is handled, etc. I am most concerned with communication, trust, and respect. What, who, or how someone fooled around in the past is none of my concern unless I’m not notified of exposure to an STD. It’s the lack of respect and communication that would be a dealbreaker.
As long as they test out clean for STDs, what is the big deal? I have never assumed that anybody I was going to be dating/sleeping with was a virgin.
I’m not handwaving it away. I’m just saying that equating it to sexual slavery is wrong and insulting to true victims of that crime. Not all drug addicts are desperate and pathetic. You probably encounter a handful of them in every day of your life and don’t even know it. Of those self-destructive addicts in the 20-30 year old range the vast majority survive and get clean once they are ready to work at it. The prostitutes that your average middle class man encounters trend much closer to the recreational side of the spectrum than the HBO reality show side.
Aren’t they by definition desperate if they’re having sex to pay for their drug habit?
Pure honesty- I wouldn’t want to date the fella because I’d wonder why he had to resort to a prostitute. There are plenty of ladies out there who will put out for a nice dinner, or just for fun. Why couldn’t he find one of those? And I don’t necessarily think prostitution is morally wrong, but I think it’s sad that we live in a world where for some women, the only commodity the possess is their bodies, and sleeping with prostitutes kind of condones that, in my mind.
ETA: I see Dogzilla’s point and could probably make an exception if that was the case (military service with no ladies around other than the working ladies.)
It shows a lack of judgment and a willingness to put his bodyparts (and my ladyparts) in harm’s way.
Also, judging by the high number of men who don’t agree, I’m going to start asking this question before I date someone…it will help me weed certain folk out. 
Because paying a woman for sex is a lot more convenient than taking her out to dinner for sex? (Not to mention that in the latter case there’s absolutely no guarantee that sex will even happen.)
I’m not sure. Are people who work at Wal-Mart to pay for their drug habit desperate? How about the people who work for airlines, or hospitals or the US government? Whores haven’t cornered the market on drug use or abuse.
If we stop thinking out them as a monolithic group, we realize that there is no such thing as “a prostitute”. There’s Angela, who has never gotten along with a boss, ever, and so can’t keep a job more than two weeks, and there’s Tammy, who is going to school full time and has to pay for her daughter’s childcare - she could work a 12 hour shift on overnights, or she could have sex with two or three guys this week and use that time to sleep and study, and there’s Julie, who was abused by her dad and is really something of a trainwreck when it comes to sex, and there’s Samantha, who had a “you go, girl!” moment of sexual empowerment when the was 16 and never turned back, and there’s Morganna Wolfsbane, who considers herself a sacred prostitute serving her Goddess using Tantric energy to heal the Earth, and there’s Heather, whose hero is Annie Sprinkle and she’s turning tricks to produce her next performance piece, and no one’s quite sure if the tricks might actually be** part of** some really elaborate performance piece, 'cause you never know with Heather…there are myriad reasons why individuals turn to sex work. Even among those who do use drugs, just like among doctors who use drugs, there’s no telling why most of them chose to get into this work. Maybe it was the drugs, maybe it was something else.
(Names changed to protect the not-so-innocent, but all of these except Julie are actual people I know. I’ve actually never met a sex worker who was abused as a kid, though I don’t deny that they’re out there.)