Backstory 1: Mom and I are both quilters and we usually have some project or other going all the time. Often they have no intended recipient or purposes; we’re just using up fabric on some design we like. However, we are in the habit of giving the gift of a quilt to *anyone we know * who is having a baby. For me, friends or co-workers who I know relatively well; for mom, sometimes even for the grandchildren of friends she knows OK, even if she doesn’t know the whole family at all.
Backstory 2: A friend and I go to breakfast at a local diner every Friday like clockwork and know who the waitresses are by sight. We don’t have personal conversations with them but they are acquaintances.
Anyhoo, one of them is pregnant and I have the urge to give her one of the quilts I am working on. I just love the thought of a new baby and I feel like keeping up the Mom and me “tradition”. I wouldn’t expect her to be my friend or any change in our relationship, just that I would celebrate the baby.
I had an idea years ago that if I have a generous impulse, I should go with it even if it makes me seem a little weird.
But I want to be able to keep going to breakfast. What would you think if you were the recipient in this case?
Go for it. There is a small possibility she will be weirded out by the idea of someone giving her a gift, that does not know her on a personal level. But pregnancy and babies bring out ‘weird’ things in people. I think it is a very thoughtful idea, and should get you that salt shaker and bottle of ketchup much quicker.
I would give it to her and say something like “I made this a while ago, and I don’t need it. I notice you’re pregnant, and thought you could use it.” It would weird me out if I thought someone had made it just for me, but if it was just something you had I wouldn’t mind.
You’re right, I should also be prepared for her to melt into a pile of goo. I haven’t been pregnant but even non-pregnant hormones can get me a little weepy sometimes especially when someone does something unexpectedly nice.
People, in general, have so much fun buying and making stuff for babies, that I can’t imagine she’d be seriously weirded out. (I also can’t imagine that you’d be the only regular given her a token gift–although a handmade baby quilt is probably a bit more than a token). I say go for it–mention your mom’s tradition if you want to, keep it low-key, and I can’t imagine that the waitress wouldn’t be thrilled by the gift.
People get lost of gifts from various people for new babies. Nothing too weird about that.
Now giving her a birthday present or Christmas present may be a little weird.
Go for it. Tell her about the tradition. Tell her that you love babies and you hope she enjoys it.
It is a damn shame you want to do something nice and have any reason to feel bad. When I was pregnant, people gave me all kinds of things. One of my regular customers gave me a huge Dr. Suess book with a really nice letter inside. It was very unexpected, but awesome. The letter told about how his parents instilled in him a love of reading and how much it has enriched his life. I also found out in the letter that he isn’t just another dumbass poker player. He is a professor at a university.
Gifts from the heart are awesome. People going bonkers over babies is awesome.
Give the damn gift and don’t be wierd about it. The world is better for kindnesses such as this. Don’t stink up the joint!
Good point. For little while we weren’t quite sure and then the next week, boom, it was very clear and we couldn’t imagine why we were in doubt. Is that common? Anyhoo, I figured I would ask the register guy on the sly when she is due and if she knows the gender, just to be sure.
This is coming from a man (well, a dog of a man), who knows very little about girlie-girl stuff so take it for what it’s worth.
It’s the unexpected acts of kindness and thoughtfulness that are the most appreciated. Gift giving has gotten to the point where it oftentimes seems more forced than sincere. Your gift would probably be really appreciated.
I’d say DON’T apologize for the quilt as if it’s something that you are trying to get rid of. Just say that you love to make quilts and you love babies. You want the best for her and her baby. Try to imply that the gift if for the baby to minimize any sense she owes you something in return.
If she is working as a waitress this is probably going to be a really tough time. Your act of kindness may make her feel better about her work. A lot of service people feel under appreciated. Too many people are condescending to service people because of their own ego problems.
If she’s weirded out so be it. The upside of your gesture is much greater than the possible downside.
It’s the kindness of strangers that makes the world a better place. Kindness means not expecting anything in return.
Again, what do I know but I thought I’d throw out an opinion.
A girl might get away with that. Us guys dare not suggest or imply that a woman may be pregnant unless we see an actual baby emerging from her at the time of the comment. This wisdom comes to us from either Lewis Grizzard (a Great American) or Dave Barry. Karana agrees.
The fact that you made the quilt rather than bought it makes all of the difference in the world. She might feel weird about a store bought gift while a handmade gift will probably be cherished.
As a former food service worker, I would have been thrilled in her position, and can’t of anyone else waiting tables at that time who wouldn’t. We happily accepted tips from customers on a daily basis, and a couple of places I worked had regulars who would bring Xmas presents as well. Nothing huge, maybe a gift card or something home made. A hand-made quilt from a regular customer should weird nobody out.
