I am bothered that people are–in a derogatory way–calling your generosity “girly”. Random acts of kindness isn’t girly or any other kind of gender.
I’d love a gift of a quilt, and if someone I barely knew presented me with one, I’d be so touched that I’d probably want to extend the niceness to someone else.
The only way I might be weirded out is if I thought that the gift was being given out of pity or charity. A quilt is one of those things that can be mistaken for a second-hand discard. And the recepient might not immediately appreciate that it’s hand-made. For some reason, receiving a hand-made gift from an acquaintance seems less weird than receiving a store-bought one.
To keep things from being weird (and I think there is a small but significant chance it could be taken the wrong way), you could give the quilt to her anonymously. Put the quilt in a box along with an explanatory letter and mail it to the restaurant. The owner (or whoever opens the mail) will probably view the gift as a token of appreciation for a fine employee, and the waitress will love having a secret friend amongst her clientele. And the letter can provide the background about you and your mother’s tradition so she’ll understand how special the gift is. It will be something that she’ll always remember and treasure.
And by doing it anonymously, you can get the satisfication of the gift not being about you and your generosity. You won’t have to worry about her treating you differently, and she won’t have to worry about you expecting something in return.
I’ve given gifts anonymously to people. It’s so much fun.
Hmmm, that’s an idea. I was definitely toying with the idea of giving it to the front register folks so she could open it on her own time and not feel expected to fawn over it in front of me. I also figured my friend and I could both sign a card so as to spread the weirdness.
I was working at a radio station when I was engaged and planning my wedding. We had the one listener who would win prizes as often as she was allowed (every 15 days). I wasn’t anyone important, I was just the one who made her sign the form and handed her her prize.
About a week before my wedding she came in to claim a prize and brought me a wedding gift. I was very touched. I was surprised because I didn’t really “know” her, but I could tell she just liked giving people stuff.
She didn’t have a lot of money (I heard her talk, saw what kind of car she drove, etc.), so her gift of K-Mart brand (tags on) pink and blue bath towels, while not to my taste, were definitely appreciated for her kindness. And wouldn’t you know it, we still have one of them 13 yrs later, although it’s now a “dog” towel. I left that job shortly after that, but I still think kindly of that lady.
I’m not sure I’d take the tack of “made it a while ago and don’t need it”, seems like that would sort of cheapen the gift.
You’re a regular, even if you don’t know the staff well, you know each other by sight and have probably chatted from time to time. I don’t think it’s a weird-me-out thing at all! (Heck, I’d be thrilled with such a thing. Where were you 9 years ago )
I think I’d say something along the lines of “Mom and I love to make quilts, and love to give them to everyone we know who’s having a baby, and we’d love for your baby to have one also”. Whether you say that to her face, or give the gift by leaving it at the front register (then you could write it in a note). Though I think I’d get a kick out of giving it to the waitress directly. Mightn’t it feel to her more like “charity” if it were slipped to her on the sly?
My friend and I quizzed another waitress about the baby and it turns out it’s a girl and she is due late Decem/early January. My friend is also making an item (a little red terry bathrobe–awww) so we can both give her something. We are planning a sewing day on Sunday so we can get them to her before she goes out. We’re pretty sure it’s her first baby as we’ve been going there a few years and this is the first bump.
I think that’s very nice and in no way inappropriate. There is a tiny chance she’d be weirded out by it, but that’s on her, not you. Random kindness is the only thing that’s going to save this world.
I think that its an awesome idea, and I bet she will absolutely love it. I think the greater danger is that she will turn into the pile of goo rather than being weirded out. My mom often did something similar - she would make these handmade diaper holders. Some she would sell, but she would also make them for anyone she knew who was pregnant, and they were always appreciated.
When I first read the thread title, I thought back to a bad experience of my own though. I gave a friend at work what I thought was a simple silly gift - a scented candle and some massage oil, so her SO could help her relieve some stress, but she got seriously weirded out by it. In afterthought, it may have been too personal, but I didnt see it that way at that time.
But I’ve also given my favorite waitresses silly gifts at times also - the most appreciated was when I bought the waitresses at my favorite bar pints of Ben and Jerrys. I doubt most waitresses would get weirded out by gifts from regulars unless it was jewelry or a plane ticket to Las Vegas (neither of which I have done, but heard stories about). Most see them as a personalized extra special tip. If anything, it makes it even more fun when you go back. I see it as one of those things that shows you are a regular and not just another customer.
If you’re concerned about her getting weirded out, give it to her anonymously. You’ll still have the fun of making a quilt and she’ll be touched by the kindness of a “stranger.”
I think the question has been decided but wanyed to say…as long as you don’t come off as wanting to be a godparent or something it would not be weird. Along the lines of “We love making quilts, new mothers can use one, would you like this one?”
I think it’s a lovely idea and you will get great service for as long as she’s still on her feet.
Just for the record, nobody should do this. I got it a few times before I lost weight. Not any better coming from a woman.
My take on it is that an anonymous gift would weird me out, but one from a relative stranger wouldn’t.
When my daughter was born, our neighbor’s mother, whom I had never even met, gave us a blanket for her. The neighbor (a guy in his 40s) presented it to us with a mumbled, “My mom does this for anyone who has a baby”, so I’m now going to assume that her actions were a lot like yours. While I was surprised, it was a pleasant surprise and I sent her a thank-you note.
If, however, I received an anonymous gift for my baby, I probably would have freaked out and thought, “Someone is stalking me and is going to steal my baby!!” Rational? Maybe not, but new mothers are an iffy lot sometimes.
Thanks, everyone, for the reassurance! I am excited about it. We plan to give her the items on Dec 1 so hopefully she won’t be out by then. I’m in the middle of the quilt but I will post a pic when it’s done.
