Does mum deserve a gift following birth of baby?

  1. What would be the usual gift for the father to give the mother following the birth of their baby?

(a) diamond jewellery (or other jewellery if you can’t afford it)
(b) flowers
© chocolates
(d) all of the above
(e) nothing

  1. Why would he get her a gift (or not) at this time?

  2. Should she also get him a gift at this time?

(a) Yes, something of equal value
(b) Yes, but just a token
© No

  1. Why would she get him a gift (or not) at this time?

  2. If you have a child, what did you give/receive?

  1. D: All of the above. And stuff that isn’t listed. Anything, really, is a kind gesture.

  2. You give gifts to celebrate occasions and to show your appreciation for something someone else has done. Pushing a child out of your nether regions should qualify.

  3. No

  4. While I was laying in my hospital bed, aching from regions I didn’t even know I had, I wasn’t exactly thinking ‘Gee… I think I should reward hubby for putting me in this position.’ Ok, I kid. But seriously, all my husband did was rub my back. I did all the work, including growing his spawn for 9 1/2 months.

  5. I got a big, fat nothing. Wait, I lied. I got to stay home with the new baby a day after I gave birth because he was already back to work. :frowning:

  1. Hells yes. And anything that he feels is appropriate. One would hope that he has some idea what she would like.

  2. What Lugubrious said

3 and 4. That would be nice (after all, he has something to celebrate too!), but she’s likely to be a bit incapacitated, so no points will be deducted if she skips it

  1. Just a card, and some flowers, which was fine.
  1. f. get her something that means something to the both of you.

  2. Mom doesn’t “deserve” a gift. I “deserve” ice cream for not screaming at the shrew of a teacher I work with. If the father wants to buy a gift to express his love, and awe of what she went through, and what they made together, that is fine, but not expected.

    • 4 not usually, because, as Lugubrious pointed out, SHE was the one who gained all that weight, and had the potential for lots of medical problems. He (hopefully) was there for emotional support throughout, but didn’t have to go through all that the mother did.
  3. I have 2 children. With both kids, I got pampered, and loved. Really, I didn’t want anything else. I mean really, I didn’t do anything that special. Women have been giving birth for EVER, with no notice. It’s not like I won a Nobel prize! (I might have given birth to a Nobel prize WINNER though… that should count!! :D) It is more important how we raise them that is of worth. They are 18 and 16 now, and my husband will often tell me that I am doing a fantastic job raising them. Face it, the stay-at-home Mom really does do most of the shaping of these young lives. THAT meant more to me than any box of chocolates, or gift.

yes, she gets a gift.

she gave him a child. what more could she give?

  1. I’d go with D, or whatever is important/meaningful to the woman.

  2. Given that she just went through the process of squirting a living creature the size of a large football out of her hoo-hah, I’d say she probably deserves it or at least some sort of recognition or extra care.

  3. Potentially.

  4. Depending upon the length and stress of the birth, she may or may not feel too incapacitated.

  5. When we had my son, I didn’t get anything until Mother’s Day, which was only a couple of weeks away. I had eclampsia after a 32-hour-long labor, so getting me to stop having seizures and believe that, yes, I had actually been pregnant and given birth (I forgot because of the seizures) and rest was really the primary focus of the first week. Then it was getting my blood pressure down and getting rid of the migraines. Then it was settling in and learning to enjoy myself with my son. I’m glad I didn’t get a gift immediately - I would have been too out of it to be adequately appreciative. Plus, at Mother’s Day I got some beautiful earrings. My ideal gift would have been an IOU or free pass for an hour or two to just do my own thing away from everyone else where I didn’t have to look at, talk to or think about anyone else.

What could you possibly give a woman that is equal to her risking her life and suffering for hours and presenting you with your hostage to the future?

I find presenting your wife with an expensive gift as thanks for her “giving” you a child a bit offensive; besides, you are going to need every cent to get the kid through college. It is elitist and sexist, and supported a brutal cartel (traditional) or brutal mutilations (modern).

I never gave birth, however.

Diamonds are nice, but rubies and other sapphires will do just as well.

Nobody “deserves” a gift. Having said that…

  1. I have no idea what the usual gift would be. I’m sure it varies widely depending on the couple’s income, culture, etc. My husband has offered to smuggle sushi, beer and cookies into the hospital for me. :wink: (All currently off-limits for me. I have gestational diabetes, so no sweets for the next few months.)

  2. New moms get gifts for the same reason that anyone who’s just gone through a major medical procedure gets gifts. You want to give the person a little extra TLC.

  3. If she wants to get the dad a gift, she absolutely should.

  4. If new mothers don’t get their husband gifts, I imagine it’s because they’re a little preoccupied with feeding/caring for an infant and healing from birth, not to mention oozing blood and milk.

I do not believe in “push” gifts as an expected thing. However, it would be nice for someone, anyone to show up with something as small as flowers picked outside the hospital as a kind gesture. Hell, that might be more meaningful.

I also believe in sending my mother flowers on my birthday and try to send them to friends on their kids’ birthdays. It may be the kids’ birthday but it is also the anniversary of the most painful and beautiful release of your life (which goes for adoptive moms too because just because it isn’t a physical release it is still one of all the hopes and anxieties waiting for a baby).

Oh, and I didn’t get shit.

I have a very strong opinion about giving baby showers and baby gifts.

I believe that until that child is old enough to say and understand, “Thank you”, all gift giving opportunities should default to the mother.

All. Christmas, child’s birthday, showers, gifts from relatives, should all be for and about the mother. Since she’s the one who’s doing all the hard work and is, no doubt, exhausted. Especially new Mom’s! Buy baby a trinket if you must, but spend your money on the Mom, say I, she really needs it. The obvious exception would be a mother to be in true need, but most are showered with too many things, an embarrassment of riches. Better to give her a gift card and a reason to spend some time off alone at the mall!

I know it’s radical but that’s how I feel!

  1. f) something meaningful to the mother, not necessarily on the above list

  2. As a token of gratitude for being the one who spent months puking, gaining weight, growing a large belly, craving bizarre foodstuffs, restricting her behavior, and generally doing the bulk of the physical sacrifices over the previous 9 months or so.

  3. No.

  4. Because she is rather preoccupied recovering from the birth and learning the basics of infant care. In my case, I was recovering from a C-section and in no position to haul my wounded self to Target for a daddy gift. My ex had to wait till Christmas, a few weeks away.

  5. I went into labor early in the morning, had my surgery at 12:45 p.m., and was recovering not long afterward. My ex slipped away after I expressed a desire for a snack and a nap, and the hours-old Princess had just been whisked away to the nursery. He returned about 2 hours later with smuggled Doritos and a porcelain teddy bear in a white dress labeled “Monday’s Child” (it was a Monday). The Princess received her first teddy bear from Dad about a week later, and she still has it.

  1. What would be the usual gift for the father to give the mother following the birth of their baby?

Certainly flowers - that’s normal for any hospital visit. Beyond that - I don’t think there’s a specific tradition - it’s nice but not expected.

  1. Why would he get her a gift (or not) at this time?

I guess to make her feel special and acknowledge the awesome burdens of being pregnant for nine months, and to reemphasize that having a baby won’t change their romantic relationship.

  1. Should she also get him a gift at this time?

Seems kind of weird to me, but it could also be a nice gesture.

  1. Why would she get him a gift (or not) at this time?

Reemphasize the importance of their romantic relationship, and gratitude towards the strength of a partnership that results in offspring.

  1. If you have a child, what did you give/receive?

No children here. But I’ve never heard of gifts other than flowers/standard hospital fare being given.

  1. Nothing in particular, other than flowers for the hospital

  2. Because the baby, especially a first child is all encompassing. Unless you’ve spent the time before the baby comes shopping, I think most mothers would rather have the fathers spend time with her and the baby rather than out looking for expensive jewelry.

  3. No

  4. And when would she shop?
    My wife wasn’t recovered enough from her c-section as was far too busy with the baby to do shopping for my birthday. She said she felt bad, but I told her to not worry, and this was for my birthday, two weeks afterwards. I certainly wouldn’t have expected a present after the birth

  5. Mybest birthday present ever

  1. What would be the usual gift for the father to give the mother following the birth of their baby?

Anything that is meaningful and affordable—just a gesture.

  1. Why would he get her a gift (or not) at this time?

To acknowledge the enormity of what she has just done.

  1. Should she also get him a gift at this time?

My baby is my gift (kind of like my post is my cite)

  1. Why would she get him a gift (or not) at this time?

See above

  1. If you have a child, what did you give/receive?
    Nothing…well, except for the babies.

I always thought that the whole “push present” thing was gauche. When I was in the hospital, though, sore as anything, leaking fluids from every direction, hormonal as all get-out (including hot flashes and fits of weepiness)…well, a nice token of esteem would have been appreciated. I was surprised by how angry/sad I was that my husband didn’t think to get me anything. I again think the hormones had a lot to do with that. I’m not generally an entitled person.

Moms get kind of shoved aside after the baby is born. Everyone’s there to see the new baby and people tend to forget that, while what the woman just did is done by millions of women everywhere, it’s still a pretty big deal. And, it hurts like a mofo. So, bring on the TLC.

  1. Flowers is typical (though I received so many flowers from family that they scent made me sick!). Anything else that is meaningful would also be nice.

  2. It’s a nice thing to do- to acknowledge an important event, to appreciate what was involved to get them to that point, to treat your wife to something special after often a hard and scary event.

3/4. Probably not, unless she planned really well in advance. My husband would have thought I was nuts for getting hm a gift. He laughed at me enough for apologizing every time I squeezed his hand hard during a contraction. Oh and the puking on him-- I apologized for that too. :slight_smile: But I was too sore, busy recovering etc to shopping for a gift anyway!

  1. My husband got me a couple of cute button down shirts that I could easily nurse in (he knew how important being able to nurse anywhere was to me, and was showing his support), flowers, and a daily baby journal to write in (hah- great idea, not linked to our reality of having a chronically colically baby in the house!). I can;t remember if there was anything else. We were dirt poor, so we couldn’t afford much anyway.

Of course- he buys me gifts for much less important reasons (and I him)- Valentine’s day, a promotion at work etc. Why wouldn’t he be moved to want to do something nice at a time like that? He’s a nice guy.

Actually to answer the OP’s title question “does mom deserve a gift”

What mom “deserves” it to be supported, treated with love and kindness, and helped to physically and emotionally recover as she specifically needs. Sometimes a loving gift is a nice way to do that. Sometimes that gift can be a material item, sometimes it can be an act, words or other intangibles.

My wife just gave birth to our first baby…

I gave her a “push-present”…a little charm for her bracelet.

:slight_smile:

All I wanted was a massage after the baby was born, so my husband got me a gift certificate to a spa and a few hours to myself. That was a priceless gift. I don’t think of it as a Push Present; I think he just did something very nice for me because he knew I’d had it rough for the majority of a year. I gave me husband tons of gratitude for all of his help and tons and tons of smoochies. I also tried to not nag him even though you feel really crummy after childbirth, and I knew he was doing his best. For that, he was very grateful.

In my family, it’s always fine jewelry. Just one data point, but there it is.

Was it a “push present”? Sure, why not? She gave our family a gift of incalculable joy, value, wonder and happiness. I can’t pay her back for that if I gave her a gift every day for the rest of my life, but at least I tried.

Hmmm. If/when I give birth, I want a foot massage, a giant burrito as soon as I can stomach it, and maybe a small flower arrangement. Jewelry would seem a tad overboard, though I wouldn’t turn it down.

And the baby would be my gift to my husband–I swear, it’s all he wants!