I don’t think 11 is too young for a piece of “real” jewelry, but approaching $300.00 is too much, imho. Around the holidays, places like Target and Kohl’s have their “real” (sterling silver, 10k gold, genuine but inexpensive gemstones, etc) on great sales. Why not start her out with something like a genuine amethyst (or emerald or sapphire, or other relatively inexpensive gem) set in a sterling pendant? Explain to her that it’s “real” jewelry, with precious metals and gemstones, and you expect her to take care of it as such. You should be able to do this for under $50.00 if you shop the sales. Then, if she shows proper respect and care for that, you can move ‘up’ to more expensive pieces. This is how I’ve done it with my girls (ages 22, 18 and 9). If you spend less than $50.00 on the jewelry, consider getting her a semi-decent jewelry box, too (if she doesn’t already have one). In fact, putting the jewelry in the jewelry box, then wrapping up the jewelry box makes a nice, surprise presentation.
Also, I would not buy a piece of jewelry from Zales and comparable places (what I think of as “mall jewelry stores”); their mark-ups are ridiculous. See the pic to get a feel for what she likes, then find something similar much cheaper at the aforementioned Kohl’s or Target, or someplace like JTV.com (that would be Jewelry Television, and they have some impressive prices), or if you’re in the right place, a gem show or something.
As for the difference between spending $300.00 on a piece of jewelry and spending $300.00 on a gaming system is that the gaming system is something she will use frequently (if it’s one she wants; my 9YO is bothering for a Wii), thereby reducing the cost-per-use, and will stay in one place, thereby reducing the risk of loss or damage. Just MHO, of course.
I have a few pieces of jewelery from that age. I have a pair of gold hoops from when I was 8, for goodness sakes. But I also lost a bunch of jewelry, too. I second the idea about locking it up. My mother used to keep the really nice pieces of jewelry in her jewelry box and then dole it out to me when there was a party or whatever.
But I also agree - Zales? Yuck. But then I would almost never buy a piece like that from a real jewelry store; I’d go to one of the little Indian stores in Little India somewhere.
That was my question, too. When I was somewhere around 11-12, my parents started an “add-a-bead” pearl necklace for me, and I got more beads at each birthday and Christmas for years. I still have it (unfinished - it’s hard to find the right size of beads these days), but I loved it. But I was also a big girly-girl, so I was ready for that kind of stuff.
I received jewelry when I was that age although not $300 worth. I remember getting an opal ring with real gold that cost around $70 in 1995 dollars. Of course I lost it about a year later but the memory of it was great and I loved wearing the ring. I dont’ really see anything wrong with getting an 11 year old jewelry.
Like a poster above mentioned, what’s the difference between a necklace or getting a video game system for Christmas? The memory she’ll have of getting her first piece of “real” jewelry will be well worth the money whether she loses it or not.
It really would depend on the personality of the child in question. Quiet, thoughtful, careful? or athletic, high-energy, and careless? I know some 11-year-olds who could be trusted with nice jewelry (heck, I was one myself) and I know some grown adults who still can’t be trusted with the stuff.
FWIW, I got a gold ring with a little sapphire in it, and, seperately, gold earrings with teensy little diamonds in them, when I was around 11 or 12, and I still have them, so there.
I was totally the sort of 11-year-old girl who flipped through Zales’ catalogs!
I like norinew’s idea; that’s the way my parents did it. As a result, I did have one expensive (~$200) piece of jewelry at that age, which I still have (though I don’t find it as awesome as I did then). My sister failed the relatively cheap test (actually, I later found that ring, and I still have that too) and she didn’t get an expensive piece.
However, I do very much agree that Zales and other mall jewelry stores are going to marked up up up and aren’t very good value. I don’t know what this necklace is like, but there are a lot of reputable places on the internet that do a much better job for less money. Try one of the jewelry forum boards like Pricescope for lots and lots of suggestions. I also really like the Better than Diamond boards (again, riffing on norinew’s idea, why not get a nice synthetic or simulant and work up to the real thing from there?) and the associated second-hand market at diamondbistro.com, which is a way awesome way of picking up nice stuff for cheap.
I don’t routinely spend $150 on wedding gifts, let alone an 11 year old’s birthday gift! That’s way too extravagent. Remember that if you set the bar this high for one niece, it’s only fair to give similarly expensive gifts to the other nieces and nephews as well.
When my kids want expensive, frivolous gifts, they either wait for Xmas (and understand that that may be ALL they get aside from obligatory socks and underwear) and/or they save their money for it.
When I was about 11 I got a garnet ring set in sterling, and my 13-year-old sister got an amethyst set in gold. I was a little miffed that hers was so much more expensive, and it was pointed out to me that she was older and therefore more responsible. (Of course, it was rather bratty of me to complain about receiving jewelry, but there you go.) I wore my ring until it broke and fell off my finger; she lost hers in six months. I think it depends on the girl. And I wouldn’t go to Zales; I’d pick out something handmade on Etsy. $279 will buy you a lot. Something like this is appropriate for a girl, and it’s a real stone and real gold.
I’m going to agree that just about anything you can find at Zales for $300, you can find somewhere else for much less.
We went through this last Christmas, for our 13 yr old niece. We wanted to get her a nicer grownup piece of jewelry. Check around for a vintage (meaning used/resold) jewelry shop. We found a nice necklace for just over $100 at a vintage store, which I’m guessing would have been $250 new from a mall store.
Probably. It would depend greatly on the girl though, and how expensive it was to me. Three hundred for a niece I was close to, and who would both like and care for it, this year, absolutely. Fifty bucks for the same kid but my finances five-six years ago, probably more than I’d have felt comfortable with.
I second the idea of hitting the vintage stores, or even some local artists. You’ll almost always find better stuff cheaper than at the mall.
Kid’s need to learn limits. Also, when she does lose it or it breaks, she will either feel guilty or not. If she feels guilty ( I did when my expensive toy self-destructed ) then she will feel worse because it’s expensive. And if she doesn’t, then she is on the road to being high-maintenance.
If she was to get an expensive piece of jewellery, I think it should come from her parents rather than her aunts, but I can’t quite explain why. And even so, you can get some lovely ‘real’ jewellery for much less than that. That’s setting quite a precedent, in terms of gift giving values. I think an 11yo would be just as chuffed with a $50 piece of jewellery.
From my experience computer games that leave the house are often lost. Jewelry is smaller and easier to lose. Just from a jewelry perspective I would be hesitant to start this trend at age 11. But then, $300 is a lot of money to me.
I use to look at car magazines when I was a kid and would have loved a new car when I was 16 (or any car for that matter). Reality has a price and whatever is normally spent on birthdays is that price. If $50 is the norm than 2 people spending $100 is the limit and should be explained up front. Her mother should be on top of this with an “oh honey, no, I know you really want it but that’s just too much money”.
On what occasions would she be wearing the necklace? Is it classic and timeless or trendy?
My son is the same age and at every event where parents gather the message that your children should not wear expensive jewelry or bring electronics to school. They are not allowed to wear ANY jewelry in gym class and must put it all in their gym lockers. Gym lockers are routinely left open accidentally, and sometimes broken into.
If her family has enough occasions where the necklace is appropriate (do they dress up for church, go to fine dining restaurants often, etc?) that she could wear it at least once weekly without ever wearing it to school I might consider it. The price seems high to me, but really that’s your call. How does it compare in price to gifts you typically give your niece for her birthday?
She’s 11. Unless she spends her time at an exclusive upper class boarding school with emphasis on jewelry design and gemstone appreciating, she and her friends are unlikely to know the difference between $5 tat and a $300 necklace. Unless it is incredibly unique, you can likely find something much cheaper, even in real gold or silver.
Have you actually heard from the niece that this necklace is the item she wants? Sometimes parents will decide that it would be best for the child to receive a good investment sort of gift (such as a fine classic piece of jewelry) than something more frivolous that the child actually would perfer. The logic is that if the child will thank them later for the good decision. My second sister-in-law swears her children love the savings bonds they receive from me every year so much that I ought to just forget about the Lego parts I give with the bonds and buy them higher priced bonds (and I restrain myself from saving “Bitch, please” at family gathering). I’m not saying this is the case, but if you are close to your niece and likely to spend large amounts on a gift for her, your sister may thinking in terms of “if the money is going to be spent, it might as well be spent on a long term purchase.”
I’m 31 and I’d be afraid to buy a $300 necklace NOW. I just found, while cleaning, a pair of $25 earrings that I’d misplaced months and months ago and was really annoyed with myself for losing. Shit, I can’t imagine spending that much money on something so frivolous* for a child.
*Don’t get me wrong. I like jewelry. I have nothing against jewelry. But it IS frivolous.
I had some pieces of expensive jewelry at that age, but most of it was heirlooms. One or two were gifts given from elderly family members “so you’ll get them from me while I can still give them to you”. I also recieved one or two pieces of jewelry for christmas and whatnot at that age, though not that expensive. If I did, my close-age cousins got similar gifts, probably bought at the same time.
They were all, along with my mothers jewelry and some important papers, kept in a locked jewelry box. I knew where the key was, but I understood that I was not supposed to take them out or “play” with them. Sometimes I was allowed to take them out and look at them, or help clean them. I could wear them for big occasions (weddings etc.). From age 14 or so, I could pretty much decide for myself if I wanted to wear them or not, and my acces to the “treasure chest” was no longer restricted.
So, yes, expensive jewelry that an 11-year-old own is not entirely crazy. It it quite common here to give jewelry to guite young girls. The understanding is that the parents will keep them for her, while she will get the joy of owning something special. I suppose some of it is remnants of the old war chest mentality i.e. if the world goes to hell again, she’ll have some easily portable valuables.
Expensive jewelry that she can keep in her own room, wear freely or play with? Well, depends on the particular child, but I’d say it was strange at best.
